Empathy (Dear Josh) {Musical Mondays & Giveaway}

Today's song is dedicated to Josh.  My best friend.  Today he leaves for Canada and I'm going to miss him.

This week's song:

Empathy

by Alanis Morissette

For Courtney & Kristina + Other Business

I Confess...
My utterly gorgeous honorary niece Courtney is graduating today!  I can't believe how fast she grew up.  She was only 13 or 14 when I first met her.  At the time I was dating her uncle and was welcomed into the family with open arms.  While I no longer see/speak to her uncle, I am lucky enough to be best friends with her aunt and other uncle-so I've been blessed to know her as she's grown into an amazing woman.  Woman. Wow, I really can't believe she's all grown up and on her way to college!

She had a bit of a rough start in her education due to family issues that were outside of her control, but I am so grateful she was able to go live with Kristina (her aunt and my best friend) because Kristina and her family have done remarkable things.  Kristinga has helped raise her as a responsible and caring individual, and pushed her to her true potential.  Courtney is so extremely smart-she just needed someone to help her realize it and support her as she went after what she wanted.

Dear Courtney,
You are truly one of my favorite people and I love you so much!  I am SO PROUD of you, I can't even express it truly in words.  I'm so sorry I couldn't be there to help you celebrate today (stupid work) but I'm there in spirit!  You are amazing and the whole world is in front of you!  Go for it!

Dear Kristina,
I'm super sorry I wasn't able to make it up last night and I'm so sad about it!  I wish I could be there today to not only celebrate Courtney's success, but yours as well.  It was an incredibly selfless thing you did taking her in all those years ago, and it's amazing how you've been the most incredible person for her.  You have taught her honesty and responsibility, you have pushed her to be the girl you always knew she could be, and most of all you have loved her like she'd never been before, and provided the support and stability she needed to become this incredible adult she is today.  You are such an amazing mother, and my example of not only how a marriage should work, but how children should be raised.  Congratulations and I love you!

I Confess...
I heard this song again for the first time in a long time a while back, and wanted to share it as my Back That Azz Up Song for Courtney's Graduation!  Totally not saying she's done all this stuff, but I LOVE this song-and she basically told all that crap in her life to Eff-off and she made her own way.

I Confess...
I get to take a road trip to Seattle next month with those two incredible ladies!  I'm so excited about it!  We figure we'll drop the teenagers off at a hostel/hotel in the city and then go on to see Gayvid and Jerremy!

On another note, I Confess...
My nail polish this week is making me so happy.  Prettiest color ever-I need more Color Club holos in my life.

Happies This Week:	Crappies This Week:
Courtney graduating! She's come so far!	Not being able to be there for it! Work boo!
Beautiful new nail polishes to cheer me.	Having to cancel on Kristina last night.
Game of Thrones, Sparticus, Bates Motel.	Super crappy service from Julep!
Pretty sunshiney weather!	Not sleeping hardly at all.
The snake is healing nicely with a little help!	The snake burned herself again.
BBQ at Angel's house tonight!	How did I spend my whole paycheck?
Mr.Bingo is coming to visit this month!!!	My hair appointment was pushed clear to the 23rd!

Don't forget my giveaway this week!

Linking up with:

Dear So & So Letters

 

Dear B,

You don't know how awesome I think you are for offering to go get my check for me in case it doesn't come in time for my roadtrip! Thank you SOOOO much, really.  I owe you one.

Dear Bloggy Buddies,
You really have no idea how much your comments and support mean to me, especially when I'm hurting.  So many of you had such great things to say, so much logic and so many loving words.  Thank you!

Dear Blogger,
Stop reformatting my stuff when I press publish! I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW!

Dear Brittney,

I know we have our differences and sometimes it get a little rocky, but I have to stop and think you for how supportive you've been.  You're always telling me how good I am, and how I glow and you think I'm an amazing person-you are so sweet. Plus making me talk about it and laying it out in way that wasn't necessarily what I wanted to hear-but in a way that was as I needed to hear it to think of it logically helped a ton.  You are such a great friend and I'm glad to know you.

Dear Far-Fetched Theorists:

For those of you saying "Oh moving out will bring you guys closer" all I have to say is: What kind of irrational sense does that make?  How will separating and being apart make us closer?  You're either trying to comfort with something ridiculous, or you have motives I have no idea of.  Maybe someone should explain this concept to me?  It's too far-fetched of a concept for me to grasp here.

Dear Kristi,

Thank you so much for being there for me when I need you most.  For welcoming me into your family with arms wide and for making me so close that my heart is full.  Thank you for calling me when I was falling apart the other night and quickly helping me turn my sorrow into a hopeful plan.  You are the best friend anyone could ask for, and I could not be more grateful for you 

And finally...

Dear Roommate,

Yes, it hurt when you told me you want to move out and not live with me anymore, but you expected it to and it's natural to feel stunned and hurt when someone you love tells you they're leaving.  It's a hard thing to get over, no matter how much you may sympathize or understand the situation.

I understand this doesn't mean the end of the friendship, but it is the end of an era that was very near and dear to my heart.  You are the best roommate I've ever had and I've loved living there with you, it truly felt like home to me-even if it never did to you.  I worry that you'll never be at home anywhere, until you're at home in your own soul.  There is nothing more in the world I wish for you, than for you to finally be at peace with yourself and recognize and accept all of the reasons everyone around you loves you so dearly.

Accepting that this is the decision you have made, doesn't mean I can't mourn or grieve for what will no longer be apart of my daily life; for that home I will no longer have.  So if I get sad over it sometimes, please bear with me and  realize that I'm only sad because I have loved living with you so much and change is hard.  I am sad because I was so happy with it before, so in a way-that's a good kind of sad.

While I'm writing you a letter, I think it prudent to say you should stop torturing yourself over every little thing that is out of your control.  Take a deep breath and let go.  Free yourself from all that nagging guilt over things that have nothing to do with you.  Free yourself from ridiculous expectations you have of yourself, or you assume others to have of you.  Decide what you want and go for it, and take no detour on your way to that and just grab it and go.  It's time to break the cycle, to truly stretch yourself without any excuses.  You can do anything you put your mind to, and have all of us standing by you along the way. You ARE love and abundance.  Those of us around you see it, and one day I hope you too will realize it.

You are my best friend, and I am grateful that you consider me such a good friend that you let me in and consider me one of the people closest to you.  Reading your post about how you're grateful that I've been there for you through all the rough times, I felt so lucky that you would trust me like that.  That doesn't have to change, it just may involve different logistics and long drunken talks at each others places.

Also, you are not allowed to withdraw from me when you have your own place.  We'll still need one on one time, and while I'm not sure we'll be any closer-if we really try we can stay close like we are now.  I don't want to lose that bond, and I'm willing to fight for it if you are.

I love you always.  You are a part of me.  Nothing will ever change that.

Dear So and So

Dear Little K,

My heart completely breaks for you and your poor little broken arm.  I'm not your mother, or your relative by blood, but you are my family and all I want to do is scoop you up in my arms and love on you and make everything better.  Life can be so unfair, and things happen, no matter how much we wish we could protect you from them.

I love you so much, little one.


Dear Missing Part,

I miss you.  Like a lot.  I feel like we're drifting apart... I never talk to you, hear from you, see you or anything anymore and I'm not used to it.  You used to be the one I went to about everything and vice versa, but lately I haven't had you as my confidant-and there have been a few times where I felt such an empty hole in my due to it.  Like a piece of me is missing.

I try to tell myself "It's life, people grow apart, it's normal." and I repeat it over and over to myself, but I just can't seem to swallow it.  My head can think it, but my heart wont hold onto it. There's just some part of you, no matter how old you get, that can't bear the thought of losing someone who's practically a soulmate.  I need to come visit, I know... I'm just too afraid still that I'll run into someone I hate and be miserable, or not be able to keep my cool about the way they treat people... Who knows though... Maybe I'll get over that soon.

I know your stressed, maybe this is just a lull that we have to get through.  I hope that's all it is.

Love you like Peanut Butter loves Jelly.

Dear New York City,

One day, I'm coming back to you-and trust me-I'm bringing all my culture-loving, museum-going, shopping-hating, friends!

Be Prepared!

Dear Artemis,

It's going to get better soon... I have faith.  In fact, I'm pretty sure the universe owes you at this point, so it's your turn next!  Thanks for being a valued friend, soon we'll travel together.

Hang in there pretty girl!

Dear Customers,

This is what you sound like: "I didn't read the instructions or pay any attention to the contract I signed, so I messed up my account and lost my information and that's all your fault that I didn't do what I was supposed to! You should have come into my brain and forced me to read the manual you gave me, and you should have forced me to read the instructions/contract before I signed it! Don't you know I'm not smart enough to take responsibility for my own life or my own actions?  It doesn't matter that I'm an adult, I shouldn't be!" Really?  Really?!!!?!?!

What. The. Hell.

Dear Landlord,

A little more than 15 hours notice would be nice.  I mean I guess I know I shouldn't need it, the apartment should just be clean and ready for company at all time, however I'm lazy and it's not.

Please?

Dear Bike,

You are pretty and I love you.  Can you please stop having issues so I can go out and ride you?

Seriously, big puffy heart you.

Dear Readers,

The end of the sign-ups for our Handmade For You Swaparoo are drawing near, have you entered yet?  If not, run along and sign up! It's going to be SOOO much fun.  So far I know we have people who's specialties lie in making jam, cards, scrapbooks, art, pretty little purses, aprons, jewelry, bath fizzies, clothing, hair accessories, beanies, custom blogs etc.  There is so much to look forward too, and you might get one of the above.

Plus, it's a swap AND giveaway.  Does it get any better than that?

Check it out! 

Love, me.

Dear So & So

Dear Readers,

Wow, it's been forever since I've written one of these posts-and I know many of you have told me just how much you love them, and it's such a great release for me-so I'm bringing it back. :P I love this Meme, and I really need to do it more often.

By the way, you all totally rock my socks off. Every. Last. One. Of. You.

Loves, -Me.

P.s. T-Shirt Giveaways coming soon! 

Dear Jelly,

I know you read, but this post is strictly not to be shared with anyone we mutually know. Ok?  Really really really not to be shared with anyone that doesn't wander upon the blog post themselves.  I just need to write it out without the fear that it'll get talked about.

 -Peanut Butter.

Dear Sneeze,

My shrink (a.k.a Roommate with his shrink face on) and I were discussing distance, and how necessary it really is in certain situations.  Especially when I slip into weekends like this past one... Back into that old role, which I both love and hate equally.  I realize that it's all of my own doing. I'm the one that realizes it's going on and continually places myself there.  Some kind of special masochism... It fulfills a need I have while preventing me from ever moving forward. My perpetual crutch.  It's my fault. I don't want to pull away-yet I realize some day I will have to-or you'll do it for me.


I'll deal with it eventually.

Dear Clover,

I want to runaway with you.  Not. Even. Kidding.  I think about it ALL THE TIME.

Take me, I'm yours.

Sincerely, your secret admirer.

Dear Certain Someone,

Pretty sure I need a break from the one sided friendship for a while.  Just need a breather.

Kthxbai

Dear Linkin Park,


Only 11 more days until I get to be at your concert! SOOOOOO EXCITED!


-A Fan.


Dear  Roommate,

Have I told you lately just how much I appreciate you and everything you do?  You're the best friend anyone in the world could ask for, and I am soooo lucky to call you mine too.  Thanks for being there.

Chin up, you do make a difference to so many of us.

I love you friend!

P.s. LINKIN PARK IN 11 DAYS!  Wahoo!!!!!

Dear Everyone,

Complaining on Facebook about people complaining on Facebook.

Does this make anyone else go "Hmmmm?"

Seriously.

Dear Shiny,

On the one hand, I totally understand where you're coming from-because I'm doing something similar with my heart at the moment.  On the other hand?  If you really like someone who likes you back-GO FOR IT BEFORE THE MOMENT PASSES YOU BY.  All this time you could be happy, if only try-all this wasted time...


It's not waiting for you; don't let it pass you by. 

Dear Nutrageous,

Life is SOOO much better and less stressful without you in it.  I've never been so confident in a decision to cut someone out before.  It's a beautiful thing.

Don't care!

Dear Nose Bump,

Seriously, GO AWAY! Ha!


-I want my nose back.


Dear New York,

I cannot wait to be there.  Less than a month! YAY!


New York loves you-as a friend.

Dear So & So: Someone Should Study You!

Dear Readers,

I'm up to 195 followers! Can you believe it?  I'm shocked, and amazed, by each and every last one of you.  5 more followers and it's time for a giveaway, good thing I've been toying with ideas in my head... I'm thinking homemade, and custom... What do you think?  Homemade beanie in the color of your choosing, Personalized Christmas Ornament (my family has been making them for years, they're great!), etc... Good old cold weather/holiday goodie box.  I can't wait!

Thank you for all that you do!

P.S. I know this is a day late! Sorry!

Dear Random Lady at Work,

Talking on your cell phone in the stall next to me = gross! Why would you think this is ok in a public restroom?  Ew.

Seriously, hold it or hang up!

Dear Friend,

Yes.  I have been avoiding you.  Not sure if you noticed, with your new found busy life-but I have.  You were just so negative the last time we hung out, and my life already has so much going on that I'm not sure I can handle the new negative you.  It hurts, and I feel like a bad friend since I know you're going through a hard time, I just can't handle the venom you were spitting out... I do miss you, so I hope it gets better... I don't want to have to avoid you forever.

I still love you.
 
Dear Aunt Jenny,

SUPER CONGRATS ON THE COMING BABY! You make such cute little ones, and an April baby like me is AWESOME!  I can't wait!

Can't wait to see you at Christmas!

Dear Roommate,

When I come home and say "My 'I'm thankful for' today was you!" Don't ask me "Why?" in that "I hate myself tone.  You are one of the best parts of my life, a best friend, and you constantly amaze me.

Love you always.

Dear Magic Vagina,

You are so fascinating.  I mean I know you're amazing, but what is it that brings them all back after a certain amount of time.  Someone should study you! Or not...

It would be weird having someone look at you in a clinical trial. I think I'll pass.

Dear Ortie, Matt, Alicia, Jimmy, Tonya, Curtis, Thayn, Ken, Tyrel -and all other Military (both Active and Veteran) 

I am so grateful for you all, and all of the things you gave up while serving out country.  I hope one day you can all have desk jobs and not have to risk your life out on a battlefield.  I hope one day there will be no more need for war.

Blessings to you all!

30 Letters: Day 28: Dear You Who Changed Me

A letter to someone who changed me.
(Skipping Day 27, due to being behind anyway and I can't think who the friendliest person is)

Dear Everyone I've Ever Met,

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."  - Chuck Palahniuk

 Isn't that the damn truth?  You've all made me, well, me. Mom and Dad, their parents, their parent's parents, all made me genetically me.  My siblings, immediate family, extended family and childhood friends all helped shape my childhood.  Even the pervy kid who violated me at 6 helped make me who I am today, it's hard not to let something like that change you.  We're not dwelling on that, I'm just saying-these things change you.


Even today, every new friend, every new relationship is helping to shape and change me.  Sometimes it's for the better, because someone comes along and introduces me to something new, enhances me and teaches me something I didn't know before.  Though sometimes it's for the worse; someone comes along and breaks me down or helps influence negative things in my life.


Let's talk my most memorable friends (good and bad):  I met Cristina when I was 7 years old.  She is the oldest friend who has continued to affect me in my life.  Through her I learned to love learning languages, to value school and hard work, to be dedicated to things, that you didn't have to be Mormon to be a good person, and that you can love your friends like siblings.   

In Junior High there was Nicole, who was always dragging me behind her like a yo-yo.  One moment we were the best of friends, with sleepovers, and birthday parties; the next she was dumping me for someone else.  It was a vicious cycle that helped turn me into a doormat for most of my teenage years.  I proceeded to be that same puppy dog with MelanieGrace, though she never yo-yo-ed me.  She taught me to finally stand on my own two feet and live for myself.  Together we found spirituality, independence, boys, nature, love and so much more.  I also learned from Melanie that you can't always live with your friends, it nearly destroyed us. It certainly altered our friendship forever.  

Amber, Paul, those who freaked out because I"m outspoken and they can't handle being told the truth-well they just taught me to be myself, and that I don't need fake friends.  Jon taught me that even if I go to far with my teasing, a real friend will work it out with you and forgive you when you make a real apology and effort to be their friend back.  Those are the kind of friends that I want.  Heather taught me to embrace my inner bitch, and to stop letting everyone trample all over me.  She re-enforced the fact that friends shouldn't expect you to be different for them.


Kristina taught me to be me as well, in a more positive way.  Every day she encourages me to live as myself, to love myself more, and to except nothing less than what I deserve from those that I date. (I sure wish I'd listen to her more.) She taught me to love researching interesting histories on wikipedia, and how real friends don't always have to entertain each other; some days, you can all just be in the same room watching a movie and playing on your own computers. Max and Garrett taught me that you can keep friends from previous relationships, especially if you really want them.  David taught me that coworkers can be the best of friends, and Kasey taught me more about being great friends with people who are different than you. Josh continues to teach me so much every day, about life and friendship, about traveling and language, love, heartbreak, and infinitely more...


How about Relationships?  DF taught me how to fall in love, how to be completely different from someone else, and how to handle heartbreak for the first time.  He also taught me that I shouldn't be giving second chances.  If people care enough, they will make the first chance work...  Gary taught me that not everyone is good at heart.  As much as I try to believe it, some people are just terrible people who want to hurt you in any way possible.  He stalked me for years. John taught me to accept my own submissive tendencies, and C taught me that dating a married man can emotionally scar you, even if you don't know the wife.

Matthew taught me about higher spirituality, loving children even more, and that you can still be best friends with someone when you break up with them. Providing you are both willing to make the effort.


[Womanizer] taught me that you shouldn't always trust someone, and that if he stands you up 8 out of 10 times, he's a douchebag.  Good excuse or not, he's a douchebag, and he's probably dating several other women.  That second or third job bullshit is just an excuse.  If he really wanted to see you, he would make time for it.  He taught me not to deal with that bullshit.  Tom taught me that drugged-up stoners are probably as moronic as they seem.

You see, I am who I am today because of every single person I've ever interacted with.  Every issue I have has been furthered or started by someone I've met, every ounce of love I have in side me was planted by those around me that love me and I love back.  

I love you all.
Me

Do you feel like a combined effort? Discuss!

30 Letters: Day 26: Dear Pinky Promise

A letter to the last person I pinky promised.

Dear K,

I love you to pieces, and you are such a smart  and talented little girl.  It was so nice to spend the day with you the other day.  

I love you kiddo!

-You're honorary auntie. 

Who did you last Pinky-Promise? 

30 Letters: Day 25: Dear Struggling

A letter to someone who is struggling.

Dear Roommate,

I wish you could see what we all see, without all of your own personal bias and misinformation.   You are an amazing person who has touched so many of our lives.  I think there are even a few of your friends who wouldn't be here anymore if it weren't for you.  I wish you could look past the few people in your life who have mistreated you, and pay attention to those of us who love and adore you.  Not to forget all of us who have at one time or another fallen in love with you.  

It may not always be visible to you, but you are so blessed!  You have good health, a roof over your head, good looks (shut up, you fucking do.), so much intelligence, many friends who wouldn't want to live without you, and so much more...  Yes, life is hard, and you've had a lot of hardships when it comes to dating and love.  Also yes, it's much harder on you than a lot of us in that department, there's some limitations to your preferences, but that's no reason to think any less of yourself.  You take what you're given and you either work with it or give up.  I'd hate to see you give up; I want to see you happy.

Keep your chin up love, there are so many great things you're going to miss if you don't put yourself out there again.  Don't let the fear hold you back.  Use the past hurts and pains to help teach you which risks are worth it, and which or not.  Let it teach you not to fall into old patterns, but to make new paths and forge ahead.  You can do it; I have faith in you. 

I love you always,

Me.

We all love you, and always will.

Do you know anyone struggling?

30 Letters: Day 24: Dear Memory Giver

A letter to someone who gave me my favorite memory.

Dear San Francisco,

 I know you aren't a person, but you have given me some of my favorite memories.  All I have to do is close my eyes and I'm back walking up and down Castro street, or getting Clam Chowder down by the sea... Such a beautiful city, and I love you so!

Can't wait to come visit again! 

Thank You

30 Letters: Day 23: Dear Last Kissed

A letter to the last person I kissed...
(Wow, this is gunna be fun. :P)

Dear Last Kissed,

You know who you are, but I don't think you read my blog.  I'll write this anyway.  

You are absolutely adorable, a little strange, but adorable none the less.  I really have enjoyed both times we've hung out.  You're charismatic, polite, and not hard on the eyes either.  You are great to cuddle with and you are a fantastic kisser.  I had a lot of fun.

However, now you've stopped messaging me as much, and I'm starting to expect you to do the disappearing act.  Are you expecting me to be all "Oooh, we've hung out twice now, so I want a relationship!"?  Is that why you've gone AWOL and won't come hang out?  Or is it truly that your phone isn't working properly right now?  I'm sorry if that's the case; I've just dated too many jerks who have made that excuse seem like complete bullshit.  

Don't worry, I'm not pining for you.  I wouldn't be adverse to a relationship, as we get along, you're cute and that's what I'm hoping for with someone in the long run.  However, I'm cool with just dating or hanging out for now, so stop stressing about it (if you are).  We have a good time, come play again and don't be a pussy.  :P 

Sincerely,

Me

P.S.  I really would like to be kissed again... Just sayin'...

When was the last time you were kissed?  Who was it? 

30 Letters: Day 22: Dear Lucky Recipient of a Second Chance

A Letter to someone who received a second chance.

Dear DF,

You were the first person I ever gave a second chance to, and I swore you'd be the last.  Unfortunately to me I never stuck with that rule, but I should have.  Everyone I gave a second chance after that only repeated the same steps, as you had before, and as I should have remembered when debating whether they got a second chance or not. 

You were so lucky to get a second chance, and yet you still screwed it up.  I was young and naive at the time, only 19 or 20... It was a tough lesson to learn with the first person you ever loved.  At least I can say when you asked for a third chance I was smart enough to not go there, I would have hated myself even more should I have allowed it.

I don't hate you for it, I'm not even mad any more, just thinking back on choices and mistakes and re-teaching myself not to make the same ones over and over again.  If I can get to the root of the problem, maybe I can weed it out and stop it from ever growing again.  

I really do hope your life goes well and you get everything working for you.  It's a little sad that we can't be friends now, not because of animosity (you are my friend on Facebook, just not in real life) but because I can't handle the drama.  I can't hear your suicide attempts anymore. I can't handle it when you say "I wish I'd never let you go" because I am so completely grateful you did.

Peace and blessings old friend.

Have you ever given anyone a second chance?

30 Letters: Day 21: Dear Judged

A letter to someone I judged at first.

Dear The Fourth,

Who actually hits on someone at a party that is with someone else?  Not just with, but actively sitting there on the couch cuddling with them? Every time he got up to go to the restroom you were there hitting on me.  I was a bit shocked, I have to admit.  

The second party we were at I was alone though, and again, you hit on me pretty hard.  It's very flattering, don't get me wrong, but you're a little intense and to be honest, it kind of freaks me out.  I tried my hand at flirting back, but got scared and ducked out of it.  I hope that doesn't give you the wrong idea, I haven't ruled out the idea entirely... I'm toying it with it, as I'm single and you seem interested.  You're attractive, but the jury is still out on whether you're a nice guy or a weird-o.  The roommate seems to think you're alright, as does your neighbor (my buddy) so maybe...

The roommate thinks I should give it a shot because the intensity would challenge me. I'm always the intense one, so it's scary for me. :P 

Who knows, maybe next party I'll manage to flirt back?

We'll see.

Have you judged someone at first meeting? Share with a letter!

30 Letters: Day 20: Dear You Who Smashed My Heart

A letter to someone who smashed my heart.
(Sorry I skipped the mind pestering letter, I couldn't think of anyone!)

Dear Self,

How could you do that?  How could you let yourself be treated the way you continually allow yourself to be treated?  You've completely smashed your own heart.  How?  Well, you keep putting yourself in these positions that you know will destroy you.  

You know that there are certain types of guys that if you date them, they're not going to be what you want them to be.  How many times have you had an open relationship or tried polyamory because you fell for a guy who showed right from the get-go he wouldn't be willing to actually commit? Deep down you knew all along that you weren't capable of such relationships, and yet you went into them because you allowed yourself to ignore all the warning signs.  You should know them well enough by now, and yet you keep putting yourself through it.

Why do you keep dating guys that seem to only want sex?  Better yet, why do you keep giving it up so easily?  You tell yourself every time that you're not going to, that you're going to wait for something real before you get intimate... Yet ever time you fall into your same old habits and end up being easy.  Doesn't it make you feel like a slut?  This giving it all up for nothing?  You know that when you do, you get attached and get hurt-same story, different day.  So why do you keep repeating your history?  Why haven't you done something to change it by now?  STOP DATING ASSHOLES! STOP BEING BLINDED BY LUST-BETTER YET, STOP THINKING WITH YOUR VAGINA ND START THINKING WITH YOU'RE DAMN MIND.  Goodness.

I still love you, and I love you enough now to put a stop to this.  Never again.

Love, me.

Got something to say?  SPEAK UP!

30 Letters: Day 18: Dear Ideal Me

We♥It

A letter to the ideal me.

Dear Ideal Me,

I wish I could meet you... Hell, I wish I could be you!  You are so smart, with your fancy degree and years of college behind you.  You're getting your novels published and living your dreams with every breath you take.  I admire that.  A lot of people admire you, and respect what you've accomplished.

You also have the perfect relationship.  You're healthy and happy on your own, and so is your partner; so that makes the relationship that much stronger.  It's so nice that you're finally dating someone with their stuff together rather than  the all those guys with major issues you dated in your past.  You guys are so happy together.

Also, great job on getting in shape!  Dropping that hundred or so pounds and keeping them off by going to the gym and eating healthy really did the trick.  I mean, you were pretty before, but now you're a total knockout! Does it feel better?  Do you feel more in charge of your body and your situation?  I hope so.

One day I will be you.  One day.

Sincerely,

The less-than-ideal you. 

Want to write a letter?  Come play!

30 Letters: Day 17: Dear Childhood Friend

A letter to a childhood friend...

Dear Valor,

I chose to write to you today, because you and I used to always write each other letters.  I'm pretty sure I have them all saved in a folder somewhere too, I should dig them up and re-read them for old times sake.  You're also one of the very few childhood friends I've reconnected with on Facebook.  It's so fun to see where your life has taken you and who you've become! 

All of our communication has shown me that even today, you are still someone I would be (and am) happy to call a friend.  You're smart, ambitious, sweet, and generally you seem to have great energy!  I hope we can make time to meet up and hang out someday, catch up and be friends again in real life instead of just online.  Goodness, you only live a few blocks away...

Also, you are an AMAZING photographer.  If I ever get married, I'm definitely calling you... I love your work! 

Lots of Love,

Your childhood friend. 

Check out some of Valor's photo's here! 

Want to write a letter?  Join the fun! 

30 Letters: Day 16: Dear You Who Lives Far From Me

A letter to someone who lives far away from me.

Dear Cousin and Family,

 Do you know how badly I miss you? I loved when I got to stay with you and be the nanny, it was a few great months and I just wish it hadn't been tainted by boys both times.  If it had been at a time in my life where I didn't miss one so, I could have stayed longer and just enjoyed myself instead of pining and wanting to get home to someone who was never worth it.  They weren't, and I miss you guys sooooo much! 

How's the weather in So Cal?  I'm sure it's brilliantly amazing and that your making trips to the beach.  I miss the beach so much!   I need to come visit and see the new house and then we can go to the beach.

I miss trips into China Town, and around different places.  I miss learning about new foods and new wines with you, and that almond champagne that is amazing.  

You guys changed my life more than you will ever know, and I am so grateful!

I hope to come see you soon!

Want to participate?  Write a letter!

30 Letters: Day 15: Dear Most Missed

A letter to someone I miss.

Dear Tonya.

We used to be so very close, back when the two of us were working at Sparetime together.  Sure we had our disagreements now and again, mostly due to us both being fire signs and dominant women, but we always got along great.  Your son was even referred to as my nephew, and you were like a sister to me.

Then the military did what it does best and sent you far away.  We used to talk on the phone all the time, now I haven't spoken to you in months.  That's really sad.  I know, I'm terrible and I need to call you and see how you are.  I know you hate it there.

I wish you'd come back, and we could start hanging out again.  We could go bowling, or dancing, or drinking-just like old times.

I miss you dearly, and I hope I get to speak to you or see you soon.

Love, me. 

Missing someone?  Let them know!

30 Letters: Day 14: Dear Drifted Away

A letter to someone who I've drifted away from.

Dear Grace,

It's funny to me, how we used to be so close and now we both live in such entirely different worlds.  We've been through a lot together, and survived it all; however our friendship took quite a few hits.  

Starting back in High School, when we had the rule of the theatre and we were in our element.  Our little group of friends, our freedom to do as we wished, it was a great time to be young and alive.  Sometimes I think back and miss those days when we'd meet on a Saturday and work on shows together, or skip the school assembly and walk up to Buns and Brews. 

Then came college, and I followed you up from our little farm town to Ogden.  We lived just around the corner from each other, so we could quite often just walk over and hang out.   We grew into our own spirituality, celebrated festivals and holidays with Cat and her group... Every time I catch a whiff of fall or see a pumpkin I think of you.

Living together turned out to be the biggest hit.  No matter how much you love someone, it doesn't mean you can always live well with them; we certainly didn't.  I'll admit, we had some good times together, but we also fought more then than we ever did in our entire friendship.  I'm cluttered, your tidy; our work schedules were so vastly different and so were our ideas of work and productivity.  Not to say either of us were wrong, just different.  At that point we sped off in different directions and didn't even speak to each other for 3 months.  

I'm so glad that over the last few months we've started reconnecting and keeping in better touch.  Each of us making an effort to see each other when you're in town, or the one time I visited San Francisco. However, no matter how much we try, I don't think we'll ever be as close as we once were. 

I love you dearly, and I hope life brings you everything you've ever wanted.

Need to reconnect?  Speak it! 

30 Letters: Day 13: Dear Forgiveness

We♥It

 A letter to someone I wish would forgive me.

I was thinking about who I would write this to, but the only people who I feel our friendships are damaged irreparably, I don't want forgiveness from.  I don't want them in my life anymore.  

The person who really needs to forgive me, is me.

 Dear Body,

I'm so sorry for not getting up off my ass to take you to the gym every day.  I'm sorry that ever workout program I start I fail at, and that you have to remain the way you do.  I'm sorry that I stuff you into extra large sized clothes, and don't treat you like the beautiful thing you could be.  I've been so neglectful of you, and this will change.

Dear Mind,

I'm sorry I forget about you sometimes.  Can you ever forgive me for not making the most of you I possibly can?  For not taking you to college and getting you involved in deep thinking and studies that will enrich and enlighten you?  I'm sorry that I don't feed you with novels and books as often as I used to, and I'm sorry that you're completely starving for them.  I understand that force-feeding you tv and movies and music, while being a great release, is like feeding my body processed food and it's not that wonderfully sustaining.  

Dear Soul,

I heard a quote the other day that said "The pains of the flesh are nothing compared to the pains of the soul" and it is so incredibly true.  I'm sorry you feel so disconnected from everything.  I will work harder to do more spiritually rich things for you.

Dear Heart,

I'm sorry for everything I've ever put you through.  It is you most of all I hope will heal one day.  I pray to God that you heal, and that this hardening you've been feeling isn't permanent.  I want to open up and love again... Desperately.  Please, please forgive me. 

Feel the need for forgiveness?  Share it!