I'm Not Waiting Around for a Man to Save Me

While I have had plenty of experience with dating in all of its various forms, I still consider myself having been single for the majority of my life due to the fact that I've had very few committed relationships. One thing this experience has taught me over the years is independence, and I'm glad for it.  I take care of myself, I pay my own bills, I make my own decisions (with the occasional opinion from a friend or two), I do/buy/think/say what I want, and I live how I want-and I like it.  Not having a man to rely on has taught me how to fend for myself and fight my own battles.

That doesn't mean I never wanted a real relationship or a significant other around.  I did.  I do. I will.  However, after years of waiting around in hopes that the right guy would come along-I'm not waiting anymore.  I'm doing things I never thought I'd do on my own (buy a house, for one) and it feels damned good.  I'm learning skills like patching drywall, changing locks, fixing headlights, etc.  I'm one fierce woman.

One thing it does mean is that I'm a twenty-nine year old single woman who has her shit together.  I own my own home, my own car, go to work 40+ hours a week, and I take care of myself.  There is no part of me that waits around for my "Prince Charming" anymore-I save myself.

That doesn't go just for the physical/monetary things in life either-it also covers emotional and mental well-being.  For the most part, I have all that shit together.  I battle with a lot of the same things as other people like depression (yes, even chemical) and anxiety (moderate to severe), as well as the stuff that comes along like heartbreak, disappointment, failure, self-doubt, insecurity, and devastating loss.  But you know what?  I pull myself together after each of these things and I keep trucking.  I don't let them hold me back from living my life and moving forward.  I enlist help when I need it (I see a therapist once or twice a month), I take days off from the world when I need them, but I never retreat into myself and let my life disappear for good.

I have my shit together.  A lot of people don't.  I end up dating most of them.

Sometimes I think I probably come off as a bit intimidating for some of the guys who date me. I mean, I don't mind if they buy me dinner, open my doors, fix something for me-but I don't need them to, and I wont wait for it either.  If I need something fixed-I fix it.  If I need something done-I do it.  It's just easier that way.  But some guys can't handle not being "needed" or relied on, and they run or self-sabotage.  Big babies.

Hey-I don't mind being intimidating.  It weeds out the guys I probably don't want to spend the rest of my life with anyway.  If a guy can't handle my independence, or any other part of me, I don't need him around.  You know why?  I'm single and I like it.  Someday someone awesome will come along and change that, and I'll like that too, but until then-I'm good.  I'm not going to rush into a relationship or settle just because I don't want to be alone anymore.  I hope any future guys I date are prepared for that-because it's going to take a good independent man to keep up with me too.

This week's song

Single

by Natasha Bedingfield

I'm not waiting around for a man to save me ('cause I'm happy where I am)

Don't depend on a guy to validate me (no no)

I don't need to be anyone's baby (is that so hard to understand?)

No I don't need another half to make me (oh no no)

Make your move if you want, doesn't mean I will or wont

I'm free to make my mind up, you either got it or you don't

This is my current single status

My declaration of independence

There's no way I'm trading places

Right now a stars in the ascendant

I'm single (right now) that's how I want to be
I'm single (right now) that's how I want to be

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good (I like who I am)

I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love, 'cause I would

I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cause you say I should (can't romance on demand)

I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

This is my current single status

My declaration of independence

There's no way I'm trading places

Right now a stars in the ascendant

I'm single (right now) that's how I want to be

I'm single (right now) that's how I want to be

(repeat x2)

Everything in it's right time, everything in it's right place

I know I'll settle down one day, but 'til then I like it this way

It's my way, and I like it this way

Make your move if you want, doesn't mean I will or wont

I'm free to make my mind up, you either got it or you don't

(Until then I'm single)

This is my current single status

My declaration of independence

There's no way I'm trading places

Right now a stars in the ascendant

(repeat x2)

I'm single (right now) that's how I want to be

I'm single (right now) that's how I want to be

(repeat x3)

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Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky.  Then you can visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:

• Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
• Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
• Link-up in the linky below. (NEW-It's going to be a month long linky, so feel free to add links through the month!)
• Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.

A Scrub is a Guy That Can't Get No Love From Me

Source: Tumblr

We were talking about older music the other day and suddenly I had the urge to listen to some TLC.  I mean, it's been years-but back in the day?  They were the coolest.  Can you believe it's been 16 years since this album was released.  We're old guys.

So I listened to No Scrubs while packing.  I'm sure I replayed it like 50 times and sang along with all the spirit of my Junior High self who used to belt it in my bedroom all those years ago.  It was nostalgic, and so much fun.

Then I started thinking about the song-and how so many guys today would (well and probably did back then) accuse the band and the girls who sympathize with the song of being "gold diggers."  I'm sure I even have a few guy friends I'd expect to hear this from.  But that's not at all what it's about.

Personally, I feel like it's about not settling for less than what you're worth.  I've done it.  I've dated a lot of guys who couldn't hold down a job, had no direction, had no car, etc.  For some people, those are temporary states of being-they're jobless while they actively look for a job, or carless until they've worked at their job long enough to get a loan, etc.  However for a good majority of these guys-that's just the way they are and they have no plans of changing.  Don't get me wrong, I know there are girls like that too-and if you date girls I'm sure you have run into your fair share of them.

So, after years and years of dating guys who can't take care of themselves (and being a "giver" I did a lot of taking care of these guys), eventually-at least hopefully eventually-you can't do it anymore.  You start to see them for what they are-takers and users-and you have to remind yourself to not fall for it anymore.  Eventually the "no scrubs" motto comes into play, and after years of mistakes and finally learning from them-this song takes on a new level of accuracy.

So no, I don't want no scrubs (ouch, I know, the grammar hurts).  I want a guy who can take care of himself. He doesn't have to be rich by any means.  He doesn't have to buy me things or take care of me either, but he has to be able to take care of himself.  He must have a job and a car (in this state you need a car to get around, our public transport is not the greatest-this is different in places like NYC where you really don't need a car), and he must be a responsible contributing member of society.  There's just no way around it.

I no longer have the energy to carry someone who refuses to carry themselves.  I hope my friends and readers have been able to rise above this too.  If you're dating someone who relies on you for everything and doesn't contribute-get out.  Hold yourself higher, because you deserve someone who loves you and wants to be with you, not who is with you because you'll pay for them or do everything for them.  You're better than that.

This week's song: 

No Scrubs

by TLC 

+ a bonus cover by Bastille

And this version... Which shouldn't work but it does... Oh it works so well. I LOVE it.

A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly and is also known as a buster

Always talking about what he wants and just sits on his broke ass

So no, I don't want your number

No, I don't wanna give you mine 

And no, I don't wanna meet you nowhere

No, I don't want none of your time

No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me

No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me

There's a scrub checking me but his game is kind of weak

And I know that he cannot approach me

'Cause I'm looking like class and he's looking like trash

Can't get with a deadbeat ass

So no, I don't want your number

No, I don't wanna give you mine 

And no, I don't wanna meet you nowhere

No, I don't want none of your time

No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me

No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me

You don't have a car and you're walking

Oh yes son, I'm talking to you

You live at home with your mamma

Oh yes son, I'm talking to you

If you have a shorty that you don't show love

Oh yes son, I'm talking to you

Wanna get with me with no money?

Oh no, I don't want no 

No Scrub, No Scrub, No no, No Scrub, No, no no, No Scrub, No no

No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me

No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me

See, if you can't spacially expand my horizons

Then that leaves you in the class with scrubs, never risin'

I don't find it surprisin' that you don't have the g's

To please me and bounce from here to the coast of overseas

So let me give you something to think about 

Inundate your mind with intentions to turn you out 

Can't forget the focus of the picture in front of me

You as clear as DVD on a digital TV screen

Satisfy my appetite with something spectacular 

Check your vernacular and then I get back to ya

With diamond like precision insatiable is what I envision

Can't expect acquisition from your friend's Expedition

Mr. Big Will if you really wanna know 

Ask Chilli, could I be a silly ho?

Not really T-boz and all my senoritas

Is steppin on your Filas but you don't hear me enough

No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me

No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me

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Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky.  Then you can enter the monthly giveaway and visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:

• Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
• Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
• Link-up in the linky below. (NEW-It's going to be a month long linky, so feel free to add links through the month!)
• Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.
• Enter the Giveaway below.

This month's giveaway is for a $10 Amazon eGift card!  You can spend it on music, books, or whatever your heart desires.  If international, I will just do $10 Paypal Cash.  Giveaway is open Worldwide and ends on July 1st at 12AM.  Entering below agrees to all terms and conditions within the Rafflecopter.

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I Drew a Line and Then I Crossed It...

Well... I know you're going to say that was fast, and it was, I know... But Yoshi and I put things on ice again.

It just wasn't good.  I mean there's potential for goodness there-we get along great, we have amazing chemistry, and when we're together in person it's fantastic.  It's when we're apart and we get in our own heads about it, or it starts feeling like pressure that it goes bad.  It's when we have to discuss that badness over and over again to figure out where we stand that it gets bad.  It shouldn't be bad like that.

But neither of us wanted to walk away.  We both like each other a great deal and we both see the potential for something great there-but it's not the right time.  I know that sounds like an excuse, but it's for real.  The entire reason we decided to wait a little while ago was because he wasn't ready.  He has some things in his life he needs to clear up and we agreed then to wait until he could clear them up before we try this again.  We both wanted it to be good.

But then we missed each other, and we rushed back into it thinking the things were about to clear up-but they didn't.  This caused massive amounts of anxiety on his end, which in turn stressed me out as I worried about him and everything, which prompted me to push a little to hard and we ended up in a big fight.

I spent the entire weekend following our fight in the pits of depression.  I didn't even want to eat, and I'm the person who eats her feelings-all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and try to sleep during the day because I'd wake up at night stressing over it-so it was the most unproductive weekend.  But it gave me time to think.  As I turned the situation over and over in my head I just came back ot the same thing over and over again.

He's not ready.  But I didn't want to walk away from it entirely.

So after the weekend I brought it up with him.  He felt the same, he wasn't ready-and he felt that being ready wasn't going to happen on a timeline I was comfortable with, but he cares about me so he wanted to try-but trying was stressing us both out.

So we put it on ice.  We put it back on hold-but this time I'm not waiting around.  He'll work on fixing his things, and I need to focus on other things like my home, school, and getting in shape.  You know, all the things I was supposed to be focusing on anyway-but man do I get hung up on boys.  Since we don't want to sever our connection entirely, we're going to hang out as friends and do some casual dating.  Nothing serious.  No pressure.  Just fun dinner, talking, and spending time together outside the worry of a relationship.  (This was my idea, but he agreed with it.)  You can't imagine how much of a relief the rest of the week has been since we're no longer putting pressure on each other... We're just getting to know each other in a friendly way.

And me?  Well I'm not waiting, but I'm not actively seeking out a relationship with anyone else either.  The door is open for him to walk back through, but that also means it's open for someone else to walk through if the Universe brings them into my life in a natural way and it's meant to be.

This time, I can't cross the lines I've drawn.  I'm so bad at that.  I set up boundaries and then I get second-guessing them and end up ignoring them.  There was a reason those boundaries/lines were set, and I need to remember that going forward.

This week's song:

I Drew a Line

Folk Family Revival

The last time I left home I swore I wasn't coming back again

The last time you broke my heart I thought that I could fix it with a friend

But we all know a man can't hide forever

We all know that friends fade away

I drew a line and then I crossed it

And I was fine until I lost it

I told you I'd be good and all along I knew I couldn't

I'm saying things I shouldn't do and things I probably should

My daddy used to tell me "don't play games unless they're games that you can win"

My mamma used to tell me "don't do drugs unless you do 'em with your friends"

But we all know that games are made for losin'

We all know that friends fade away

I drew a line and then I crossed it

And I was fine until I lost it

I told you I'd be good and all along I knew I couldn't

I'm saying things I shouldn't do and things I probably should

I drew a line and then I crossed it

And I was fine until I lost it

I told you I'd be good and all along I knew I couldn't

I'm saying things I shouldn't do and things...

I drew a line and then I crossed it

And I was fine until I lost it

I told you I'd be good and all along I knew I couldn't

I'm saying things I shouldn't do and things I probably should

I probably should

I probably should

I probably should

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Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky.  Then you can enter the monthly giveaway and visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:

• Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
• Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
• Link-up in the linky below. (NEW-It's going to be a month long linky, so feel free to add links through the month!)
• Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.
• Enter the Giveaway below.

This month's giveaway is for a $10 Amazon eGift card!  You can spend it on music, books, or whatever your heart desires.  If international, I will just do $10 Paypal Cash.  Giveaway is open Worldwide and ends on July 1st at 12AM.  Entering below agrees to all terms and conditions within the Rafflecopter.

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My Heart's Too Big for My Own Body

Sometimes I think my heart is too big.  Too big for it's allowed to do, too big for the people I love, and even maybe too big for me.  All I want to do is be able to open myself up to loving without the aching, but that seems impossible.  I love with everything I have and then some-I love until it hurts, and hurt it does.  Why can't I just love without letting it tear me apart from the chest out?

I love everyone.  I love my friends, my family, perfect strangers, and the men I date-whether I'm "in love" with them or not, I love them all a little, to varying levels.  All of these loves hurt sometimes, that's just part of life and it's something you come to expect from the world.  There are wars, there are mistakes, and there is so much room for error.  We're all just human after all.  We're all just hurting in some way or another.  We're all damaged and sometimes we take that damage out on other people, sometimes we sit alone in our homes and swim in our own damage, and sometimes we work on our damage.  Life is a cycle, we've all been beaten and bruised, and we all have to accept that in one another also.

Most of the time, I love that I love everyone and feel like good about loving and continuing to love even when I'm not loved back.  It just keeps going.  This heart of mine keeps beating, and I just keep on loving.  Sometimes though, I wish I could love just a little less.  I wish I could hold onto some of that love for myself instead of giving it all away... Instead of pouring it into the people I want to pour it into me... Because they're not always capable of filling me up as I try to fill them.

And that's okay.  You can't go around loving and expect everyone to just love you back.  You have to give without expecting to receive, and you have to accept people for who they are and what they're capable of.

But sometimes?  Sometimes it's hard.  It's especially hard when you don't save a little of your love for yourself.  I'd really like to learn to save some love for myself so that when I run into those moments where someone can't give me the love back I'll be okay.  I'd like to be able to focus on other things, and enjoy life without torturing myself wondering why they can't (or won't) love me back.

I'm going to go ahead and end here by admitting that I may have already had two glasses of wine and listened to this song three times while I cried. MAY. Okay, I did. This song just resonates with me, as most of Mary Lambert's songs do.

This week's song: 

Monochromatic

by Mary Lambert

Every morning it's the same thing

Sidewalks of people with who cares stares

My heart's too big for this city

My heart's too big for my own body

My heart's too big for you to understand me

When I close my eyes I dream in color

My life's in black and white, will it ever get better?

I'm not monochromatic

Nobody is monochromatic

Everybody is hurting

There's nothing more human than that

See the pieces of hearts missing

Watch how the light fills the cracks

My heart's too big for this city

My heart's too big for my own body

My heart's too big for you to understand me

Please understand me

When I close my eyes I dream in color

My life's in lack and white, will it ever get better?

I'm not monochromatic

Nobody is monochromatic

You're not monochromatic

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Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky.  Then you can enter the monthly giveaway and visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:

• Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
• Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
• Link-up in the linky below. (NEW-It's going to be a month long linky, so feel free to add links through the month!)
• Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.
• Enter the Giveaway below.

This month's giveaway is for a $10 Amazon eGift card!  You can spend it on music, books, or whatever your heart desires.  If international, I will just do $10 Paypal Cash.  Giveaway is open Worldwide and ends on July 1st at 12AM.  Entering below agrees to all terms and conditions within the Rafflecopter.

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Oh It's Too Late to Look Away and Unfeel What I Feel for You...

It's funny how you can think something about a person and be totally wrong, and when you finally see who they really are-you can't unsee it.  It's there, staring you in the face making you wonder why you never saw it before.  I've been wrong about people before, sometimes in little ways, sometimes in big ways.  Sometimes I've even been wrong twice, which essentially made me right the first time-in which case two wrongs did make a right (so there mom).

This time though, the level of wrong I was hardly even computes.  I've known this guy-we're going to call him Yoshi (I know it's a weird name, but it's kind of just become what it is-we played Mario Party the first weekend we spent together haha)-for a few years now and to be honest; I really didn't like him.  I thought he was a jerk, and I spent a good amount of time avoiding him and wishing I didn't have to interact with him. Though, honestly, I hardly ever had spent any time with him, and when I did it was only a few short encounters that left me feeling the way I did.

But then, one day, we got talking.  We bonded over how awful house hunting was, and then how awful dating was (I still can't tell you which is worse, house hunting or dating?) and eventually we exchanged numbers.  Then we started texting. A LOT.  We texted through my whole trip to Canada and when I got back we spent an entire weekend together.  Turns out, he's a really nice person who I genuinely enjoyed spending time with (and he enjoyed spending time with me). We had to take a break for a bit, but it seems to be back on now and we'll see where we go.  So, still with no expectations but an open mind, I'll give it a go and see what happens.

It still strikes me as funny every once in a while how wrong about him I was.  If you'd have told me three months ago that I'd be spending this much time with him, and be this attracted to him, I'd have told you that you were insane.  But here I am, happy that I was wrong and glad to get to know him, and it's too late to unfeel what I feel or unsee what I see now.  My how the world has changed, and for the better.

This week's song:

Oh My Goodness

by Olly Murs

Oh my goodness

I can't hide it, you just smiled when you walked by me

Oh my goodness

Warning signs that no one showed me

Lost control but please don't hold me back

Gonna go for it, I hope you're ready for it all

'Cause I don't know (don't know)

If I can't stop now (if I can stop now)

I'm going too fast, heart first, my head just can't slow me down

And I don't care if you're gonna break my fall

You've got me dreaming of a life that anybody else would die for

I'm rolling downhill, no breaks, can't go back now it's too late

Oh it's too late to look away and unfeel what I feel for you

Look away and unsee what I see in you

I'm gonna go for it, I hope you're ready

'Cause I don't know (don't know)

If I can't stop now (if I can stop now)

I'm going too fast, heart first, my head just can't slow me down

And I don't care if you're gonna break my fall

You've got me dreaming of a life that anybody else would die for

(Oh baby) Anybody else would die for

First sight, I believed in first sight

No second thoughts in my mind just felt right

Oh my goodness, oh

'Cause I don't know if I can stop now

I'm going too fast, heart first, my head just can't slow me down

And I don't care if you're gonna break my fall

You've got me dreaming of a life that anybody else would die for (Anybody else would die for)

You've got me dreaming of a life that anybody else would die for

Anybody else would die for

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Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky.  Then you can enter the monthly giveaway and visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:

• Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
• Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
• Link-up in the linky below. (NEW-It's going to be a month long linky, so feel free to add links through the month!)
• Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.
• Enter the Giveaway below.

This month's giveaway is for a $10 Amazon eGift card!  You can spend it on music, books, or whatever your heart desires.  If international, I will just do $10 Paypal Cash.  Giveaway is open Worldwide and ends on July 1st at 12AM.  Entering below agrees to all terms and conditions within the Rafflecopter.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And I'm Caught-I Forget All That I've Been Taught...

It's kind of humorous, how even as a strong and independent woman who has learned multiple times, through mistakes both my own and others, not to wait for a man-I find myself doing it anyway.  Dating over the years has taught me a few things, and usually it all comes back to the whole 'he's just not that into you' thing (even though a lot of my old reasons in that post no longer hold water with me).  If a guy wants you, he'll make it happen, you shouldn't have to wait around like a fool trying to decide whether he does or not.

However, sometimes I think you need to throw the rules into the wind and blaze a newer braver path.  There's no reward without a little risk, is there?  This time it's different.  I'm not waiting around blindly for what I want.  Instead, he's been very clear with me from the get go about what he plans to do, how he feels, and what is happening along the way.  It's kind of remarkable, this full honesty policy we're working with, and I think that makes all the difference with people.  It's nice to find someone who can be as blunt and honest as I can-it's really remarkable.

But one thing is for sure, I'm caught.  I want to see what happens next, and I trust him enough to give it time and know he's working on it.  Here's hoping the time goes by quickly, and things fall into a great place for the both of us again.

This week's song:

Caught

by Florence + The Machine

It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do

To try and keep from calling you

Well, can my dreams keep coming true?

How can they? Cause when I sleep I never dream of you.

As if the dream of you, it sleeps too, but it never slips away

It just gains it's strength and digs its hooks to drag me through the day

And I'm caught

I forget all that I've been taught

I can't keep I can't keep still

Pulled apart against my will

It's the hardest thing I've ever had to prove

You turn to salt as I turn around to look at you

Old friends have said, the books I've read say it's the thing to do

But it's hard to see it when you're in it because I went blind for you

Then you leave my head, crawl out of bed, subconscious solipsist

And for those hours deep in the dark, perhaps you don't exist 

But I'm caught

I forget all that I've been taught

I can't keep I can't keep still

Pulled apart against my will

And I was thrashing on the line

Somewhere between desperate and divine

I can't keep calm, I can't keep still

Persephone will have her fill

And I'm caught

I forget all that I've been taught

I can't keep I can't keep still

Pulled apart against my will

(x2

<a href="http://www.mysocalledchaos.com/search/label/Musical%20Mondays" target="blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtV_QpFuWBTwQpTCc7Em7jiVq3BuJNTezvriGP4loOKnoXMiFwZDw6ALEWjpQEnPKkrCx8OiyOvKnv2NLAUTGqO4Hn9gOlsd4Nor5UZo-V1r7oJmiivpnKAyRwYwT5eXlui8JBFkybxUJN/s1600/MMNewButton.jpg" alt="Musical Mondays at My So-Called Chaos></a>

Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky.  Then you can enter the monthly giveaway and visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:

• Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
• Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
• Link-up in the linky below.
• Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.
• Enter the Giveaway below.

This month's giveaway is going to be a book, about music, because I decided to combine to things I love-books and Musical Mondays!  So you can enter to win a copy of Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield.  Giveaway is open Worldwide and ends on July 1st at 12AM.  Entering below agrees to all terms and conditions within the Rafflecopter.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

It's Been A Hundred Years, I've No Idea Which Direction to Go

Life seems a little crazy right now.  Everything's in the process of changing... It doesn't feel like one of those big awakenings where everything's on the verge of change and I'm anticipating and tingling for it.  Instead, it feels like I know everything is going to change, and I'm just waiting.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I feel like I spend a lot of time waiting these days.  I'm waiting to find out if this house is for real this time.  Waiting to find out if this boy is for real, and if he'll get things together in time to catch me.  Waiting to see how I'll feel about it all.  Waiting to see what I need to do to progress in either front.  So much waiting.

However, the problem is not in the having to wait for something.  The problem is my attitude about waiting.  It's the way I see the waiting in my own head like it's something I have to reluctantly do.  Wait, the problem is with me?  Crazy.  Mirrors.

The waiting can be a blessing, if I let it... If I'll just change my perception of the matter at hand on all fronts I'll find that time is good.  Instead of feeling like I'm just waiting, I can actively be preparing.  I can be cleaning, and packing, and putting things in gear for what will come.  There is time to see how I really feel about situations and their possible outcomes. The time before it all falls into place can be a blessing, because it eventually will fall into place, but will I be ready?  I hope so.

Today's song isn't super relating to my situation, but it's been in my head non-stop and I have to share it.  I've listened to Elle King's album "Love Stuff" so many times in the last couple of weeks I have all of the songs damn-near memorized, and I'm not sick of it yet.  This is the song that keeps playing in my head, and I have to listen to it daily just to keep the earworm from playing on repeat all day long.  But I don't mind-I really like it.

This week's song:

Song of Sorrow

by Elle King

Made my way to Passerman's Hollow even though it was too soon

And all the King's men say 'there's no tomorrow' 

So I followed the sorrow song of the moon

Scriptures slinging and I can't seem to find my way back home

It's been a hundred years, I've no idea which direction to go

This is my song of sorrow

This is my song of sorrow

This is my song of sorrow

Weak and wide-eyed my pride is swallowed

I'm begging for my heart's last beat

And I'm repaying all the time I borrowed

So forever the sorrow song I sing

Scriptures slinging and I can't seem to find my way back home

It's been a hundred years, I've no idea which direction to go

This is my song of sorrow

This is my song of sorrow

This is my song of sorrow

Oooo, song of sorrow

Oooo, song of sorrow

Oooo, song of sorrow

Oooo

Scriptures slinging and I can't seem to find my way back home

It's been a hundred years, I've no idea which direction to go

Scriptures slinging and I can't seem to find my way back home

It's been a hundred years, I've no idea which direction to go

This is my song of sorrow

This is my song of sorrow

This is my song of sorrow

<a href="http://www.mysocalledchaos.com/search/label/Musical%20Mondays" target="blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtV_QpFuWBTwQpTCc7Em7jiVq3BuJNTezvriGP4loOKnoXMiFwZDw6ALEWjpQEnPKkrCx8OiyOvKnv2NLAUTGqO4Hn9gOlsd4Nor5UZo-V1r7oJmiivpnKAyRwYwT5eXlui8JBFkybxUJN/s1600/MMNewButton.jpg" alt="Musical Mondays at My So-Called Chaos></a>

Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky.  Then you can enter the monthly giveaway and visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:

• Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
• Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
• Link-up in the linky below.
• Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.
• Enter the Giveaway below.

This month's giveaway is going to be a book, about music, because I decided to combine to things I love-books and Musical Mondays!  So you can enter to win a copy of Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield.  Giveaway is open Worldwide and ends on July 1st at 12AM.  Entering below agrees to all terms and conditions within the Rafflecopter.

a Rafflecopter giveaway