Coming Clean

This morning was blissfully easy-going, as I was able to spend the morning with one of my best friends for breakfast and chatting. Once again, I am reminded of what is most important here, and that is my friendship with someone that I hope is in my life to stay. I am also reminded that no matter what happens, there will always be that friendship, and for that I am extremely happy. There is no doubt in my mind that we will always be close, and I have full faith that nothing will harm that. It is an amazing thing, and I am so grateful!

At this point in my life, I am remarkably secret-free, and I think I like it. It's a place that feels like I'm on level footing with all of the important people in my life, and it feels good to be fully honest and not feel like I'm bottling anything up or keeping anything from them. I've always been a person who talks things out before they get out of hand, but I have never been so fully honest about what I'm feeling about people until now. It's incredibly freeing.

This all started with me finally confessing my full feelings for this friend of mine that I started falling for, and just seemed to spiral onward. On the one hand, I feel a little guilt for laying all of my feelings on him like that, but on the other hand... It was only fair for him to know where I honestly stood, and that I will be perfectly fine no matter where he stands. If I'm to expect people to open up and be honest with me, then I must take strides to put myself out there as well.

It doesn't end there, I finally had my talk with E. That was possibly one of the hardest phone calls of my life, and I cried for a very long time, both during and after. It started out as an argument, both of us trying to plead our case for why we felt the way we did, and then transitioned into something different. It quickly became a conversation about previous expectations, honest feelings, and where we wanted to go from there. It's not really taking a step back, more like just clarifying where we are and saying we have no expectations. There's a possibility we'll have another go at it down the road, and in that case I will have built a valid friendship first; if not, then at least I have gained a friend. It feels very good to finally be open with each other, no more dancing around it or invalid fantasies.

I've never been so open in my life, and part of me thinks I should be afraid of it, but I'm not. I feel surprisingly "zen" about it all, very "whatever will be will be." You know what? I think I'll stay open, and wear my heart on my sleeve for a while; let's see where this road takes me.

So where does that leave me in general? I've come completely clean with the people in my life, taken a step back, and am just experiencing great friendship. I am so glad to have them all in my life, anyway they may be.

I am no longer afraid of becoming lost, because the journey back always reveals something new, and that is ultimately good for the artist. - Billy Joel

Where will I go from here?

I have no clue. What I do know, is that I'm going to relax and enjoy the ride. If you want something, you go after it. I've done that, I've put myself out there on all accounts, and now I'll just see where I naturally end up. Life is about the journey, not the destination.

It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters, in the end. - Ursula K Lee Guin

Love & Fear

Dear Blog (and Readers),

It's been a while! I used to write here every day at work, when the days would drag and I needed something to entertain myself. Now, I find myself sitting at home, unemployed and trying to find inexpensive things to fill my day with. That's what you get when tax season ends and they have to lay a whole bunch of people off. So I filed for unemployment, and there's a large chance that they'll call me back when their fiscal year ends. That would be nice.

Life has been a bit muddled and crazy as of late, especially when it comes to emotions and such. Monday and Tuesday I escaped to my mothers house (see last post) to try and sort some stuff out. Yes, I did get it sorted, which is good. Bon!

First off, I've been in this limbo when it comes to E. You see, I care about him a great deal, but he's never there. It's been nearly 3 weeks since I've seen him, I rarely hear from him, and the boy didn't even make an effort to be at my party. What's worse, he didn't even call to wish me a happy birthday. To say the least, I felt a little hurt that there was no effort made. So, in my moment of clarity I decided I need to tell him we're taking a large step back. For now, I just want to be friends. I don't pretend to know what the future holds, so if we end up there somewhere down the line great, if not then at least I have a friend of it.

Next, as a lot of my good friends know, I am falling for one of my best friends. Wait, that's a lie, I have already fallen for my him. It's not my fault, I couldn't help it, he is just that awesome. The main problem being, he is the only one who can't see how truly amazing he is.

You know what though? It's okay. I learned a long time ago to not be afraid to let myself fall. I don't need someone there to catch me, I can catch myself. Also, I am not one of those girls who needs to be in a relationship to feel whole, I do perfectly well on my own, and can be happy single. Life will continue perfectly well any way it turns out, and I will be happy with any outcome. My heart is open, and I let people in and I love with every fiber of my being. This is not a flaw, but a gift. Everything is a gift.

Loving someone, even if it is unrequited, can be a wonderful thing to experience. Feeling the ache and the longing can be beautiful emotions to live through. I love to thrust myself into the emotions I feel, whether they be "good" or "bad" (as considered by most) they are still something I want to feel in full! Though, I do not deem them "good" or "bad," they simply are, and I love the experience. Not to forget the writing I am able to do when I am yearning! It's such a wonderful muse for me!

Wait just a minute, does this mean I'm an adult now? Looking over what I've written, it all seems so very adult of me to say. Maybe it's not that it's grown up, just that I feel enlightened when it comes to matters of the heart. Sure, I have my weak moments. There are some moments when that old fear creeps back up on me and I think that maybe I'll never find someone I can spend the rest of my life with, or that it will never work the way I eventually want it to. Other moments, it's more specific, like sitting at home missing him like crazy and wishing he were there. Let's not forget when I'm face to face with him, watching his lips as he talks and wishing (oh how I strongly I can wish) that he would just kiss me...

But I digress! If I start talking about kissing, I'll get distracted, and this blog is already too long!

The point I was trying to get to, is that even though I have those moments of weakness, fear and self-doubt; Overall, I am still above it all. In the back of my mind, there is always this amazing understanding, and this strong knowledge that I am going to be okay no matter what happens to me. It's a beautiful thing, this sense of surety, I just wish I could show more people how to feel it. Then, I would also feel accomplished in life.

So to all of you, dear friends of mine, I hope you chase after what makes you happy! Don't be afraid to let yourself experience things, and to let yourself fall in love at every available opportunity, even if it seems hopeless. Most of all, don't let fear hold you back from anything! The only thing in life you should regret, is not doing something because you were afraid of the risk! Rejection is temporary, so push away that fear in order to prevent the "what-ifs" later down the line. Try anything at least once, and live and love to the fullest!

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'it might have been'" - John Greenleaf Whittier

Yours affectionately, with love and light,

Angie

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Every now and then, when the world gets a bit to chaotic for me and/or I can't sort through the massive amounts of thoughts in my head, I run home. There is something about going back to my roots that helps me sort things out, and at this point in time, I'm feeling that need again. It's a pull, something that tells me to get in the car and make the two hour trip down, and to give up my life for a few days.

The world down here seems so different to me. This is the house I lived in from 13 to 19, the town I graduated in, and the same streets I walked as an adolescent. Here is where I felt all of that teenage angst, where I came to terms with growing up, and where I wrote some of my best emotional expressions. I didn't know where I was going in life, I was under the impression that I may never be loved, and I was making that well-known transition from child to adult. At that point in my life, I filled pages and pages of sketch books and journals; writing every emotion out and letting my feelings flow through the ink of my pen and the graphite of my pencil. How tumultuous everything had seemed back then, and my how things have changed.

When I was nearly 19, I did what most teenage girls do; I fell in love. I was head over heals for a boy who lived two hours away, and I moved in with him at the first opportunity. Being an Aries, and a teenager who had never known this kind of affection, I rushed in head first, and of course got burnt along the way. I have never regretted this relationship, because even though I know now that it was not good for me, I learned so much in the process. When it ended, and I was heartbroken, I ran home for a while.

Since then, whenever I find myself feeling some sort of major upheaval, this is where I disappear to. I have a head full of thoughts and a chest full of emotions that are difficult to sort out, and stepping out of the life I live and retreating into my past seems to help me figure things out. Perhaps, this is because I can take a look at my life from the outside, therefore it allows me to rearrange somethings and truly clarify where I feel they belong; where I want them to belong.

It is necessary for me to assuage this ache inside of me, and quell the confusion in my head. If I let it continue to build without clearing it out, I will break and fall to pieces. Now is not a time for me to fall apart, I have to find a job, and be there for my friends; there just isn't the time or the resources for it. Hopefully in the next two days I will come to some conclusions about the space I am in right now, and make a couple of decisions that have been weighing on me. That way, I can return home with a clearer head and a happier heart.

I hope you all find clarity when you search for it. We all need it sometimes.

Favorite Things Swap!

I'm going to be participating in this soon hopefully! Signing up now, for the first time, and I'm super excited to play along! Huzzah!

I Wear Her

Pretty smile, upbeat bounce, this is the mask I wear for the world.

This is the character that performs the waltz, the first act, the round theatre. Intermission falls, the curtains close,

does the act remain the same?

Does the actress fool herself into thinking she really is this performance?

It's pretty for a while, the fancy clothing and bright lights. Being a fool only means you get to take it home with you; showing the mirrors what they want to see; what you long to see.

Does she ever get tired of being so strong all the time?

How can your words stick with me so? I never regret, never look back, yet I find myself yearning. Why did I let myself get in the way of what I so desperately desired?

What I desire doesn't matter. Being strong does.

So I'll adorn the mask once more, the same I wore that night, and tell you everything is OK. I'll tell myself the same. It's not a lie, it's the way I want it all to be, the only person I lie to is myself.

You touch me so much deeper than anyone ever has, and effect my every breath, every pulse, and every blood rush; but she can give you what you need. She can be strong and carry us both, it's so much easier when I'm her. She's better at tuning out the heart and listening to the head.

So I wear her.

I will continue to wear her.

Writers Workshop: Tales of the Playground

It's Thursday again, and you know what that means! Yes, time for Mama Kat's Writers Workshop! Huzzah! The prompts this week are:

1. If I sent you four hundred dollars today what is ONE thing you would spend it on and why. ps I want my change.
2. What are your kids talking about?
3. Tell us about a local news story that's all the buzz right now in your neck of the woods.
4. Share some blogging advice.
5. Tell us about that time at the playground when that thing happened.

I'm going to write on all of them this week, just to have the challenge.

If I were to send you a hundred dollars today, what is ONE thing you'd spend it on? An iPod. I want one so bad that I almost can't stand it, I'd even settle for a used/refurbished one, and that's probably what I'll end up getting. They're giving away a few of them at work this week, and I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that I might actually win one.

All I know, is that if I have to spend much more time using this stupid RCA piece of junk, I might have a mental breakdown and end up throwing it through a window or something. It said it was a 4GB when I bought it, now it says it holds 1.98GB, but when I put music on it, it only gets to 900MB before it tells me it's full. I've formatted the thing several times, with absolutely no luck. I hate the stupid thing!

What are your kids talking about? How great of a Mom I will totally be one day if I ever get around to having them? How they can't wait to be here? Technically, that's called beyond the grave, because they don't physically exist yet. Trust me. I can most definitely wait.

Tell us about a local news story that's all the buzz right now in your neck of the woods. How about the 5th graders in American Fork (UT) who are being charged for sharing pornography with other 5th graders? There were two 11 year olds who pulled up pornography on the school computer, where it was supposedly "blocked." They're discussing charges of dealing "harmful material to minors" for both children. 3

Honestly though, they're minors themselves! Sure they should probably be reprimanded, but where is holding the school responsible for not monitoring the computer lab or properly blocking those sites? They're 11 years old, how can you charge them with something like that?

Share some blogging advice. Be yourself. Don't hide who you are because you're afraid of people reading it and thinking poorly of you, because if they do then they can bugger off. Be you and write about what you want to write about, because that is the only way you'll be interesting to anyone who should be reading it.

Tell us about that time at the playground when that thing happened. There are a few experiences here that I will share... When I was very young and in Kindergarten, I was hanging upside down from the monkey-bars when a bee landed on me and stung me on my lip! The prick from the sting startled me so bad, that I slid off of my perch and landed on my head in the damp cedar chips below. Bawling, I ran to my teacher who made me wear a band aid on my face for the rest of the day.

When I was in second grade my two best friends were Rebecca and Daniel. You see, Daniel and Rebecca were an item, but I had a big crush on Daniel. Though I'm not sure what chain of events took place exactly, I do know at some point little Danny ended up my boyfriend too. My visual mind still remembers holding hands on the swing set with him, and Rebecca sitting on my other side-not at all mad about anything. We just shared and never had any hitch in our little childhood friendships. Why can't it be like this when you're adults? It seems as adults we always have something to be jealous about, or something to be angry, upset, or to hold a grudge over. Children don't have these feelings until we teach them to feel this way. This seems extremely sad to me, how we corrupt their innocence with our own negativity.

In 5th grade there was this boy, his name was Chase. Chase was a bit of a bully, and used to pick on me quite a bit. By this time I was quite a chunky kid, and he could be pretty cruel. One day we were having a particularly nasty little bicker in class, so he waited for me on the playground after school to continue his teasing. What the dear little 11 year old failed to realize, was that I had been raised on a farm with a bunch of male older cousins that I had learned to emulate; I wasn't having it. That is the day, my tiny childhood fist met his tiny childhood nose. Suffice it to say, we were pretty good friends the rest of my time at that school.

Viva Las Vegas!

So most of you know that I spent last weekend in Vegas, and I have to say it was the BEST VACATION EVER. No joke, I really didn't want to leave and have felt with drawls since I've been back. It was so care free and there were no responsibilities and that was absolutely lovely.

We left Thursday about 5ish, and hit the road in Josh's bug with Max in the back playing games, and me riding shotgun running the iPod. It was so much fun! We stopped in Nephi to have dinner at One Man Band, stopped for gas in Cedar City, and made it into Vegas at about midnight Vegas time. By the time we rolled over the hill and saw those city lights we were already excited because we were already having an awesome time!

The boys in our hotel room.

Josh jumping on the bed, he really enjoyed that!

My cousin Melanie had managed to get us a free room at Caesar's Palace right on the strip, and it was so amazing! It had this gigantic jetted tub that actually fit all three of us in it, and Max and I aren't exactly little. We even took a picture of all three of us sitting in the tub!

All 3 of us in the HUGE tub!

Looking out the window in our room.

The bathroom was huge and so was the room. There were two beds, which Max had one to himself and Josh and I shared the one by the gigantic window with a pretty nice view out over the end of the strip.

The view from our room.

The bottles of Champagne and Jack.

Bill and Melanie left us a bottle of Champagne and a bottle of Jack Daniels. The champagne was really yummy, and it was the first time I'd ever had it as we opened it up and toasted my birthday and the awesome trip that was just beginning. After playing in the room a bit, Josh and I made our way out on the strip to walk around and take pictures, before crashing at about 3 am.

Out taking pictures on the Strip.

At Bills Gambling Hall. Love this face he's making! LOL!

The next day I managed to get up about 8am (as I did every morning of the trip) and take a nice bath in the jetted tub. Then as everyone else got up and were ready, we walked over to Bills Gambling Hall and Saloon and had breakfast at the Victorian Room, which was far too expensive.

Josh and Me with my "Half-Yard Margarita"

Max's blue tongue from his alcoholic slurpee...

Then we decided to trek down to the Stratosphere to get my "mile high Margarita" that I'd been excited for. We walked approx. 4 miles, and I was wearing brand new shoes so I managed to tear my feet up pretty good, but after we got the margaritas we caught the tram back to the hotel.

Riding the tram back to the hotel... I was a bit... Tipsy...
That evening we drove back down the strip to Slots A Fun to have their "half-pound hot dog", and it was only $3.99 for the hot dog, chips and a drink. It was a steal, and it was pretty yummy too!

Josh eating his gigantic hot dog.

Max eating chips at Slots A Fun.

After eating we drove down Industrial (which is famous for having all the strip clubs on it), and stopped at the Erotic History Museum, which Max had noticed on the way up. If you bought something in their gift shop they gave you entrance to the Museum for free, and it was very interesting to walk through and learn about the history of some of that stuff.

Max & Josh in front of the Erotic History Museum.

They had displays, movies, and even posters of all the sexual indiscretions of some of our most famous politicians. It was very interesting, and the lady running it was very fun to talk to. Then it was off to Jack-In-The-Box for dinner, and back to the hotel where Max went to bed and Josh and I wandered around the Forum in Caesar's Palace and had a good long talk.

It takes Jack for us to read the bible!

The only gambling we did: About 20 minutes on the penny slots.

Saturday morning we got up and made our way to The Palms for their $6.99 breakfast buffet, but only made it in time to have a half hour to dish up and eat. Then we hopped in the car and drove to Henderson so that I could see Aunt Patty and the Koh family, and so that Max could stop at his brother's mom's house.

My Brianna and Me. Look how big she's gotten!

Brianna and her Easter Eggs. I can't believe she's 5!

When we got to Aunt Patty's house I was worried that Brianna wouldn't remember me, since it's been almost 3 years since I was her nanny and had moved back home to Utah. However, when I walked in the door she screamed my name and immediately ran to hug me.

We used to call them "Popsies."

It was so good to see them all, and I had missed her like crazy! We stopped and colored eggs and played with them a bit, before we headed out.

Josh and Mason. So freaking cute.

The Koh family.

After leaving Henderson, we drove up and took a look at the Hoover Dam. It was really interesting, and took forever to get across because of the traffic. It was really interesting to see the architecture and the bridge up there.

Bridge at the Hoover Dam.

That evening we walked down the strip to the Paris to have a Croque Monsieur, which basically a grilled ham and cheese sandwich that they have in France, and Josh had been craving one all weekend. We then walked to the MGM Grand and saw the Lions, and then Max went out to dinner with his brother while Josh and I stayed in and enjoyed relaxing in the hotel room. Saturday night had to be, by far, the best night of the whole trip.

Josh eating his Croque Monsieur at The Paris.

This here, is my two wonderful amazing boys giving me crap about taking pictures!

It was really depressing to get up and check out on Sunday, but we were out of their by 11 and then made our way over to Chinatown to eat at Sam Woo. Sam Woo was this amazing authentic Chinese restaurant in LA that I used to love, so I had to drag them their to try it too. It was a major success as both of the boys really enjoyed the food and will probably dream about it like I do from now on...

Max & Me at Sam Woo.

Josh eating Duck Low Mein at Sam Woo.
On the way out of town we stopped and met up with Tonya, who I hadn't seen in over two years. It was so good to see her and my nephew Jamaal, and get to introduce her to Josh and Max. She's one of my best friends, and they're two of my best friends, and they got along smashingly! I can't wait for her to move back to Utah!

Tonya and me making faces!

The boys and Me before leaving Vegas. I love these guys so much!

The drive back was more melancholy, as we all realized that we were headed home from all the fun we'd been having. Josh and Max took turns driving (since I couldn't drive a stick-shift) and I sat in the front and played with the iPod again. About American Fork, Josh put on songs from this french opera that had been translated to English, it was about the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and it was beautiful. We're going to watch it Friday hopefully, and I'm so psyched to see it! Though it was still a fun drive, it was really sad to be coming home...

Suffice it to say, I've been missing the trip and missing spending that time with my two boys. The first night back, it was hard to get used to sleeping in my bed alone and the lack of snoring too! Haha!

More pictures will be up on my Facebook and Myspace soon!

Multi-Colored Marshmallow Reincarnation

Hello my peeps!

Can I just say that my favorite thing about Easter time is multi-colored marshmallows shaped like bunnies and chicks. Oh, and you mustn't forget the candy-coated Cadbury Eggs...
Some of my fondest memories from when I was a child include searching for colorful eggs and large Easter baskets full of goodies like kites, bubbles, punching balloons and chocolate bunnies. My mother is an amazing woman, and she always went all out when it came to holidays, even as we grew older.
Did you know that Easter was likely derived from Ēostre? Ēostre is the name of the Saxon mother goddess who's name was originally adapted from Eastre which means Spring. Her symbols were the egg and the hare, both denoting fertility. Modern-day pagans celebrate the holiday Ostara, which falls on the Vernal Equinox and celebrates fertility and the bringing in of Spring.
Rabbits are a strong symbol of fertility because of how much they breed, the egg is potent symbolism simply because it represents new life, fertility and reincarnation. Painted eggs, representing the colors of spring, have been used in rituals since the times of the ancient Egyptians and Babylonians. Also, those Easter lilies that everyone raves about, they symbolize fertility due to their shape-but we wont go into that one right now...

Now in Christianity they celebrate Easter in representation of the resurrection of Christ. As the story goes, he was put to death on the cross (betrayed by Judas) and as he died God cursed the world (out of grief, anger, or something else) with darkness for 3 days. They put Jesus' body in a tomb, rolled a large stone over the doorway, and on the third day it was rolled away as he was resurrected

They aren't the only ones with this story, as Christ is only the latest manifestation of the resurrection myth. Such legends include Osiris (Egyptian), Orpheus (Greek), Tammuz (Babylonian) and Dionysus (also Greek); who were all said to have been born of virgins and resurrected three days after their death. These mythologies date much further back than Christ; For example: the earliest known attestation of Osiris' name was found on the Palermo Stone circa 2500BC.
Since the ages, it seems that people have been relating spring to rebirth and resurection. In Neo-paganism we learn the legend of the God and Goddess, and each Sabbat represents a different stage in the wheel of the year; i.e. the wheel of life, death, and rebirth.
I personally feel the rebirth each spring, as the snowstorms start to cease and I feel again as I am reborn out of the depression of Winter and into the beauty of spring, finally emerging from my cave and walking through the grass with the sun on my skin. Even the April Showers (which we are currently experiencing) are rejuvenating and beautiful, and make for an invigorating mood!

See more information here: Pagan Origins of Easter

Writers Workshop: My Household Role

It's Thursday, which means it's time for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. This week the prompts were as follows:

1. Describe a moment when you realized you and your spouse were SO different.
2. What is your role in the household?
3. Write about how you felt when you discovered you were lied to.
4. Describe a hard time you gave a teacher...what would you say to them today?
5. What is an unpleasant experience you had eating?

This time, I had a hard time picking something to write about, as none of them really seemed to apply to me. I don't have a spouse, so number one is obviously out, and not having my own household makes number two sketchy. There aren't any times I can recall where I was specifically lied to, blame that on my easy-going way of letting things go quickly, but nothing comes to mind. Teachers loved me, and all of the bad experiences I've had eating involved vomiting, and I'm really not very enthusiastic to write an entire blog on puke. Do you blame me? So for now, I'll just pick number 2 and try and run with it...

What is your role in your household?

Currently, I am living in a three-bedroom home in Layton, with about 6-8 other people on and off. I technically share a room with my ex-boyfriend Matt, but it really only holds his stuff because I sleep up there, and he sleeps on the couch. The master bedroom is occupied by Ken and Kristina, who are Matt's brother & Sister-in-law. Kaden, their 1 1/2 year old sleeps in a crib in the walk-in closet, and his sister Kailee has the room right next to mine. Every other weekend we have Devin & Hailee, (Matt's two children) who we generally put in Kailee's room on the futon, after we've given them time to fall asleep in separate rooms.

Most weekends we have a party or some sort of get-together at our place. It usually involves Ken's Saturday night brew club (which is just him and a couple of friends making homemade beer) or game night. For game night, we don't just play normal games, but strategy games. A bunch of friends come over (Josh, Max, Jon, Angel, etc.) to play Settlers of Catan, Gloom, Zombies, and anything else Max (our game master) decides to bring with him. When there isn't something specific going on at my place, I'll generally make the trek up to Josh's and spend the night, so we can have our Sunday morning breakfast ritual.

During the week, I sleep in until just before I have to go to work at 11, make it home for about a half hour for lunch, and then don't get home for the evening until 8. This is just long enough to hang out with the kids for about an hour before they go to bed. From that point I'll generally either lock myself in my room and hide away, or stay up late watching shows & movies with Matt and Kristina.

So what are my roles? Let's break them down...

• Roommate to 3 adults and 4 children
• Second Mommy to said adorable children
• Friend
• Honorary Sister & Sister-in-law
• Ex-girlfriend
• Occasional Hermit or Invisible person
• Occasional Social-butterfly
• Organizer/event planner
• Late-night cuddle buddy
• Bridge between groups...

How fun is that? I love my roommates, my friends, and my family (which includes the previous two groups!) They are all my family, and I love them dearly and truly feel like I have a place with them all!

Click on the picture below to view other blogs involved in this workshop!

The Sweet Scent of Spring

When I awoke this morning, the first thing that came to my attention was the sweet scent of spring wafting in through the open window. It smelled of sunshine and grass, and the rich intoxicating smell of the seasons changing and life beginning anew. As I began to wake a bit more, I could hear the birds singing outside and feel the warmth of the sun beating down on the house. What a beautiful way to wake up and start the day with a smile!

This morning my roommates and I cut into the homemade poppy-seed bread that [womanizer] brought me Sunday, and warmed it with a little butter on top for breakfast. I have to admit, the boy can cook! It was so yummy, and incredibly sweet of him to make for me, and I am awed by the trouble he went to.

Today at work, in between phone calls, I'm going to get my taxes done and finish editing Max's story. It will be a nice pick-up to get the tax refund back, as the money thing this month is making me nervous. I haven't heard yet whether my job is going to keep me after the 15th, or if I need to start looking for a new position elsewhere, it really isn't fun being stuck in this work limbo when it comes to your financial security.

On another note, 3 more days to Vegas! We're going to be leaving Thursday night after I get off work and driving through the night to we can be there in the morning. We may stop in Mesquite and get a cheap hotel room and then head on into Vegas Friday morning. So far, it's set for Josh, Max and myself. Melanie and her boyfriend are talking about coming down, but they don't know about their finances yet. The way I see it, I'm happy either way, because each scenario has me spending the weekend in Vegas with people I love, and both situations include my two favorite guys!

Mile-high margaritas, here I come!

Monday Drag & 4 Days to Vegas!

Monday's are usually the day that drags by the slowest, and it seems to be going even worse today. I can't help but check the clock and see that I've only been here an hour! It's terribly depressing, and checking the clock is much too self-destructive; I should stop.

I had a pretty good weekend. My date Friday night was canceled, so I ended up at Josh's house watching movies with him and Angel. There's nothing better than two of your best friends to turn the night around.

Saturday was filled with fun as I got to have coffee with Josh, and then Vietnamese food with Josh, Max and Angel. After that we spent the evening watching movies and drinking. However, Sunday morning was by far the best, because it started out with cuddling. I woke up just as Josh was coming out of his room, so he hopped in bed to cuddle and chat. A few moments later Angel came downstairs and crawled into bed with us, and the three of us laid there and cuddled and laughed for a good 20 minutes. It was so much fun, that I think it should become a staple in our Sunday morning breakfast traditions.
I don't think my friends realize just how much they mean to me, and how every moment they're in my life is another moment I'm grateful to be alive. They really do make everything better sometimes, and I love them dearly!

Enoch came up last night, and we had dinner and then cuddled and watched a movie. He brought me some homemade poppy-seed bread that he had made for me with his Goddaughter. That was pretty sweet of him! I can't wait to go home after work and try it!

Anyways, there are still 4 days to Vegas. My pocketbook is looking pretty slim, which has me nervous but hopefully I'll have some birthday money and tax return to supplement my income and pay rent in the last few weeks. This week is going to go by even slower than normal because I can't wait for Vegas. I think we'll be leaving early on Thursday night, and I'm still waiting to see if my cousin can get me a free room. Yay!

Please go by fast week!

Grammar Nazi

Anyone who knows me, understand that I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi. I can't help it, it has been embedded into my brain since I was a small child with the dream of becoming a world-renowned novelist. When I first tried (emphasis on "tried") to go to college, my intentions were to major in English, because I love literature and thought it would help further my career as a writer. Well, anyone who knows me, saw how that turned out. *Cough* I DO plan to go back, and I will accomplish that... Someday.

Anyway, I'm veering off topic now. The point that I am trying to get to, is that even though I claim to be a grammar Nazi, I am finding I don't know as much as I should! It all came so easily to me in the past, how on earth have I let my skills get so rusty? Oh yeah, that would be the "not going to school" thing and the "not writing and exercising your skills" thing. Well, it just so happens, that these are both part of the "Angie is totally not motivated enough to do all of the great things she dreamed of and she wishes she'd get off her lazy ass and accomplish something" thing. Isn't it funny how that's all related?

I'll bet you're wondering what brought about all of this contemplation. Oh, you're not? Yeah, I guess it was a little full of myself to think you might be, but then again, I am an Aries/Leo/Scorpio and thus it's in my nature to be a little self-oriented. Therefore, being what I am, I'm going to tell you anyway. As I mentioned in my last post Finally Friday, I am editing Max's writing, which is so completely and utterly amazing, yet also so completely and utterly grammatically incorrect. During this process, I am finding the need to re-orient myself with some of the rules of the English language. Might I just add that it is my personal opinion that the English language was so very poorly made up? I've heard it said that it's the most complicated language to learn, and I believe it also has to be the most complicated language to write as well. This is coming from someone who's native language IS English.

Seriously, I'd like to go back in time and meet the person who decided on all of these "rules" and especially whoever came up with the "exceptions" and ask them what kind of drugs they were on. While there, I might just smack them around a little bit and tell them to stop trying so hard to make life complicated for those of us who wish to communicate via writing in the future. In the spirit of bashing on the English language, I'd like to take a few moments here to point out some of the oddities in our grammar regulation.

• I before E except after C right: We've all heard this rhyme taught to us in elementary school by various teachers hoping to make it stick. Obviously "their" is an exception to that rule.


• It's vs. its: When implying ownership, you add an apostrophe before the s. For example: That is Julie's dog. However, when the subject is an "it," you imply ownership by simply adding an "s." For example: "He lunged forward, ripping the gauntlet from its hands." Adding the apostrophe is only done when substituting for "it is" or occasionally "it has". For example: "It's better if we go left instead of right."
  
  This is the main rule I bring up, because I actually had to look this rule up during my editing today. For the life of me, I couldn't remember which way to conjugate that word. After Googling (Did you know that "googling" or "googled" has been accepted as an actual word now? Check out the Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary for proof) I came across a very entertaining rant on the usage of "it's" vs. "its" by a Professor Craig S. Kaplan with the University of Waterloo in Ontario here: Its "it's"!


• Who vs. whom: Technically, these two words are the same word, but whoever decided the rules figured they'd complicate things further by making you write it differently. The rule here is that you use "whom" after a proposition. For example: "To whom it may concern" or "from whom" and "about whom." You use who for everything else. Weird? I thought so too.


• Whoever vs. whomever: If you thought "who/whom" was weird, this one is even worse. To determine which of these to use, the rule is: him + he = whoever & him + him = whomever. For Example: "Give it to whoever/whomever asks for it first." You look at that and make it "Give it to him. He asks for it first" and it becomes "Give it to whoever asks for it first." OR "We will hire whoever/whomever you recommend." Which becomes "We will hire him, you recommend him" and thus it is "We will hire whomever you recommend." Who thought of this crap?


• That vs. which: Where "who" refers to people, "that" and "which" generally refer to objects. Essentially you use "that" before you identify the subject and "which" after you have already done so. For example: "I do not trust products that claim a "lifetime guarantee because they don't always honor them." OR "The product with the "lifetime guarantee," which appeared in Sunday's paper, is on sale today."

That's only the beginning... Once you get into comma usage, quotations, hyphens and various other punctuation, it gets entirely more complicated. Right now I'm researching all of this again, and I am a touch frustrated that I may have to go back and re-edit what I've already done so far, as I'm sure I am wrong on a few of my corrections.

Check out http://www.grammarbook.com/ for more details on words and different grammar rules. This is the site I'm currently reading through and refreshing my memory on grammar rules. There are so many exceptions and contradictions, and my head feels a little too full of information to process and apply. Man, I really need to go back to school. In the meantime, I'll keep researching and refreshing my memory and hope that I point out the proper corrections and not make anything worse!

One last note, something I have learned about myself while editing this story, I really am biased against the word "thing." There are certain situations where I don't mind it as much, (like when saying "the thing is" or putting it with another word like "something" or "nothing") but when you use it to describe an object as a "thing", then it really seems to bother me. I suppose I just feel as if you should be using something more descriptive and original, otherwise why are you even trying?

Thus, good people, I leave you with this:

Finally Friday

Praise the stars, it's finally Friday! I find it kind of sad that most of the week is spent counting down to the weekend, it almost seems a little... depressing? Since I was a small child I was ingrained with a high work ethic, and thus I'm a nine-to-fiver not because I like it, but because I am a responsible young adult... Let me tell you though, this damn gypsy blood that flows through my veins makes it nearly impossible to sit for 8 hours straight without going mad... How I want to be out in the world doing something crazy or driving with no direction!

Anyways, it's kind of slow at work right now, about 10 minutes in between phone calls. That's how I manage to blog 5 days a week, because there's time to kill. Between composing a new blog and reading through any new ones that I'm subscribed through, that kills - wait for it - the first hour! So what am I doing the rest of my day? So, here are the top ten things I do at work to kill the boredom:

1. Read any new posts from blogs I'm currently following.
2. Compose a new blog of my own.
3. Check Facebook & Twitter. (From my phone)
4. Read my Horoscope.
5. Text a friend or two.
6. Check Facebook & Twitter. (Again, from my phone)
7. Message a coworker of two to chat.
8. Check My blog to see if there are any comments.
9. Check to see if there are any new posts from blogs I read...
10. Check Facebook & Twitter. (Seeing a pattern?)

Anyway, the Universe (and some rather awesome friends *cough* Max and Josh *cough*) have recently blessed me with a new task to kill time at work. I'm editing Max's story, and it's AWESOME! I'll admit it, I'm rather addicted to the story and would like to see where it goes. I'm also willing to admit that I'm an absolute and total grammar Nazi, and I hope when Max gets this rather colorful copy back from me - that he'll take it with the best intentions. To be fair, he asked me to edit it and he seems like the type who can take constructive criticism well.

Moving on... Did I mention it's Friday? *Dances* I'm so ready for the weekend! My next three weekends are planned out and I can't wait for any one Ouof them! This weekend Enoch is supposedly coming up to hang out tonight, but unfortunately (as I'm writing this) I get a call where he's saying he has to be to some work site at like 5am tomorrow morning. This ALWAYS happens! I hardly ever get to see him because some reason always comes up to cancel our dates! I'm not a happy camper right now... I stayed up unitl 4am last night getting my hosue cleaned for him to come over! Argh. Dating sucks, and boys are stupid, just for the record. He asked what I was doing Saturday night, but I have plans! I'm going to Josh's to hang out with everyone and party! I'm so excited for that, and I'm not changing it last minute!

The next weekend I have my Vegas trip! I.AM.SO.EXCITED can't you tell? It's only a week away, and god only knows how I'm going to afford it, but I still can't wait! Other than people keep dropping out of it. It's kind of my fault, I didn't realize when I was planning it that it was Easter weekend and a lot of my friends have kids that they have to celebrate with. How does that work? Hardly any of my friends are even Christians! Haha!

Any who - I'm going to wrap this up because it's really turning out to be a lot of rambling on and I have a story to get back to!

Writers Workshop: I'm Sweet & Innocent

This is for the creative writing experience provided by Mama Kat here: "Your Assignment... Should You Choose To Accept." She gave a list of items to write about and asked that we pick one. It sounded fun so I thought I'd give it a go.

"What is a common misconception about you?"

Surprisingly, a common misconception about me is that I'm perfectly sweet an innocent. Many people who first meet me think I'm a Mormon, even though I am not. Mostly, I believe it is because I live in Utah and the general population here is in some way affiliated with the LDS church. Having been raised that way, my religious philosophy tends to be very different from theirs, and the way I live my life is not in line with standard religious teachings. There have been people I've known for months that come to me shocked because they found out I wasn't what they first thought I was. In fact my old boss Dave, whom I had known before I started working with him (Bree's husband) had known me for a couple of years before his view of me was startled into change.
I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, mind you, I'm simply saying that I look at myself and can't possibly fathom that being the energy I radiate. In my personal opinion, I would think it would be quite the opposite.
Sometimes I have to stop and think about whether the way I dress or my mannerisms lead them to believe this, because though it is densely populated with that belief here, I tend to run with many who are not affiliated with it and even they sometimes think of me this way. I have a very sweet personality, especially when you first meet me, this could possible lead to the misconception.
Kristina tells me I have a "thing". I'm the girl in the group that everyone thinks is sweet and pure and only thinking good things. Then, once they get me into a conversation I can go off on a topic like serial killers and my love of studying them, and they find that I'm completely different than I first came off to them.
This is something I actually enjoy, because I take a bit of pleasure in the shock value of it all and I like surprising people. Therefor, I think I'll continue to live up to this reputation because it's fun and exciting! I really enjoy showing people their misconceptions about me, and then enticing them to re-evaluate their opinions.

Happy April Fools! From The Universe...

April Fools came a day early for us, as yesterday seemed like one giant joke at our expense. Overall, at least I was able to walk away from it laughing and it didn't feel like a giant disaster. It helps that I was in an optimistic mood and willing to see the good in all of the circumstances. Not to mention I had a really good conversation with a friend in the midst of it all that made my day. From that point on, there was nothing that could bring me down.

Yesterday was crazy from the start, as the plan was to wake up early and make the trip up to Ogden for my prescription and breakfast with Kailee and Kristina, which is becoming a tradition. However, I woke up and didn't have any clean pants at all because Matt hadn't switched the laundry when asked, and so they had sat in the washer and mildewed all day. Trying to dry them just made them smell worse! Extremely frustrated, we stopped at Wal Mart to pick me up a new pair of jeans (that I couldn't afford, but had to have) and then we had just enough time to get to Ogden and grab my pills (which surprisingly they gave me for free this month) and then have breakfast and get me to work on time.

After work I was supposed to have a date with [womanizer], but he had to cancel due to preparing for a couple big interviews today. I was surprisingly less disappointed than I thought I'd be, and agreed to ride down to SLC with Matt to take his kids to his ex-wife and help Ken who had called to say he'd blown a tire on the freeway. Apparently, Megan (Matt's ex) was going to find Ken and help him out, but was never able to find him because he was on the lesser traveled junction where I-80 meets I-15.

So we met Megan and gave her the kids, and then headed on our way to find Ken and help him out. The trick was, we had to go up to 13th East to get on I-80 from there because of the construction on 7th and the fact that it splits before the entrance on State. So we turned down Main street and just at that point Matt's car overheated so far into the red that it blew the radiator. (At this point we think it'll be ok if we just let it cool down and put more water in it.) So we let it cool, and just made it to the Maverick on the corner of 13th and Main, where we realized that every drop of water we poured into the radiator immediately ran out. That's about the point we realized we were in trouble.

I immediate begin calling/texting everyone I could think of that lived in SLC, but was unable to get through to anyone. Finally Matt decided Mark would be the best option and called him to see if he'd be willing to come to the rescue. My darn pride would have had be walking home before calling him, given the recent tension between us, but there are times when you need to just let things go and be an adult about things. It was really very nice of him to drop everything he was doing to come and get us, and for that I am very grateful.

So he picked us up at the Maverick, and we made our way to Ken only to find out that Mark's tire iron didn't fit either! After a bit of trying to force the tire off, the guys decided it was time to call road side assistance, who said they would be there in 30 to 45 minutes. Matt hopped in the mustang with Mark and I got in Ken's car with him to keep warm, as it was really cold out. In fact, it started raining and then quickly turned to snow during this process. Road side assistance took nearly an hour and a half to find us, and then a matter of 5 minutes to put on the spare tire. With a quick warning not to go more than 30 miles or faster than 50 mph, we were finally mobile.

It took us yet another hour to get Matt's car, let it cool down while we had dinner at BK in SLC, and then drop Matt's car off at his brother's old house to let it sit overnight because it wouldn't make it home. With how slow we had to drive to be careful of the donut, we made it home about 10 minutes before 2am.

Suffice it to say, things just kept adding up and there were trace amounts of irony that led me to find the massive amounts of humor in the situation. Managed to get up early enough to follow Ken and Matt to the mechanic so they could drop off both of Ken's cars to be worked on, and then make it to work only a few minutes late... Now if only we can keep my car running, seeing as it's currently the only functional one... LOL!