Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Every now and then, when the world gets a bit to chaotic for me and/or I can't sort through the massive amounts of thoughts in my head, I run home. There is something about going back to my roots that helps me sort things out, and at this point in time, I'm feeling that need again. It's a pull, something that tells me to get in the car and make the two hour trip down, and to give up my life for a few days.

The world down here seems so different to me. This is the house I lived in from 13 to 19, the town I graduated in, and the same streets I walked as an adolescent. Here is where I felt all of that teenage angst, where I came to terms with growing up, and where I wrote some of my best emotional expressions. I didn't know where I was going in life, I was under the impression that I may never be loved, and I was making that well-known transition from child to adult. At that point in my life, I filled pages and pages of sketch books and journals; writing every emotion out and letting my feelings flow through the ink of my pen and the graphite of my pencil. How tumultuous everything had seemed back then, and my how things have changed.

When I was nearly 19, I did what most teenage girls do; I fell in love. I was head over heals for a boy who lived two hours away, and I moved in with him at the first opportunity. Being an Aries, and a teenager who had never known this kind of affection, I rushed in head first, and of course got burnt along the way. I have never regretted this relationship, because even though I know now that it was not good for me, I learned so much in the process. When it ended, and I was heartbroken, I ran home for a while.

Since then, whenever I find myself feeling some sort of major upheaval, this is where I disappear to. I have a head full of thoughts and a chest full of emotions that are difficult to sort out, and stepping out of the life I live and retreating into my past seems to help me figure things out. Perhaps, this is because I can take a look at my life from the outside, therefore it allows me to rearrange somethings and truly clarify where I feel they belong; where I want them to belong.

It is necessary for me to assuage this ache inside of me, and quell the confusion in my head. If I let it continue to build without clearing it out, I will break and fall to pieces. Now is not a time for me to fall apart, I have to find a job, and be there for my friends; there just isn't the time or the resources for it. Hopefully in the next two days I will come to some conclusions about the space I am in right now, and make a couple of decisions that have been weighing on me. That way, I can return home with a clearer head and a happier heart.

I hope you all find clarity when you search for it. We all need it sometimes.