Confessions of a New Homeowner Part 3: Moving Woes

I confess... I'm exhausted.  No joke-I've worked on the house a ton still and I'm not sleeping well yet in the new space.  It'll get there, but it'll take some time... Also, I'm ready for Fall now. I want pumpkins and cool air and Halloween.

I confess... I'm lucky for all the help I've had.  Moving day rolled around and I was a mess.  I'd been up and packing for 36 hours straight when my little sister called me to see how I was doing.  I started crying, and then I threw up.  I'm too old to go without sleep.  So my mom called in sick to work and beat the boys to my apartment so she could help me just throw the rest of the stuff in boxes.  Then my brothers and my grandpa showed up and helped me move.  I couldn't have done it without them. Now if only I could find the bolts and screws to put my bed back together...

I confess... Appliances have been an interesting experience.  I'd started out looking for used appliances and after a lot of hunting and looking at (gross) used appliances, I decided to just buy new and get the warranty.  I knew I needed a front-loading washer and dryer due to the fact that they're up on a platform in the bathroom (and I'm too short to reach all the way in top loaders even when they're on the regular ground!) and I wanted a fridge with ice and water-since I already have a waterline hooked up.  So I found myself at Home Depot while they were having a 10% off sale and a 6-months no interest promotion, and I bought myself this Samsung side-by-side refrigerator and also a Samsung front-loading washer and it's matching dryer.  The dryer sings to me.

I confess... I had no idea that you had to measure things like doorways.  I just thought doorways were pretty standard.  I was so wrong-and I paid dearly for it.  After waiting a week for delivery, and then all day (because they were late), the delivery men showed up and started measuring.  The fridge would go through the front door, but not the back door or the door to the kitchen.  There was no way around it and it had to go back and I had to start the process of fridge shopping all over.  I finally decided on this Whirlpool side-by-side, 

I confess... While the washer and dryer did fit (barely-it was touch and go there trying to get past the water heater) they were also unuseable at first.  Home Depot sold me a crappy dryer vent and the delivery guy said I needed to go back and get a flexible one.  Also, since my drain for the washer is up in the wall, and the washer door only opens one way, the drain hose from the washer doesn't reach at all...

I confess... Once again, my family is amazing.  My grandfather came over to help me get my washer and dryer up and running, which involved helping me hook up the dryer vent and also helping me jimmy-rig the hose for the washer by caulking it to a second hose and taping it up (ghetto, but at least it works now!).  He also helped me clean up my kitchen a bit (now I can't find anything haha!) and while doing so, realized that the waterline wasn't hooked up at all-they'd just stuck the hose in there and faked it!

I confess... We ran another water hose (I now know how to do it) but the water pressure is really bad in it, and I think I'm going to have to get a plumber to look at it.  Dang.

I confess... Now that I'm all moved in and back to the regular work schedule, I'm realizing that things are going to take much longer than I thought.  I think you have lofty pipe dreams when you think "I'm just going to move in and fix stuff every day until it's done!" but then you get home from work and you're tired and exhausted so all you do is eat whatever you don't have to cook (because you still haven't found your pans) and go to bed at 7pm.  Wait, that's just me?

In any case, I'm coming to the realization that everything I wanted done before the housewarming party wont be done.  Luckily I'm pretty sure my friends will understand that my house is a total work in progres..

I confess... The walk through with my old landlord went pretty well.  There wasn't much she found that she was unhappy about, but most of it was there when we moved in.  I doubt I'll get much of the deposit back since it's been 7 years, but she said she was sending something.

I confess... My realtor is still following up with the previous owners about the AC.  The day he said he was going to speak with their listing agent they showed up at my house and left me a bunch of paperwork on things in the house (like the furnace, jetted tub, etc.), and they left me a note saying how sorry they were for the big pile of garbage they left and that they thought the next neighborhood cleanup day (when the city comes around to collect large or weird garbage from your curb) was on August 31st and they'd come help me move stuff if I wanted... Nice, but they still did not leave the AC. WTF people.

I confess... I still have pretty roses coming up in my yard.  Guess I need to learn how to prune them before Winter.

I confess... I'm feeling very poor.  I've been charging lots of things and eating out too much (since my kitchen is not in order yet) so my budgeting has been bad.  I need to get a hang of that before I actually have to start paying my mortgage.

I confess... I want a dog.  Living alone is a little spooky and I think it's time I start thinking about getting a little companion that helps me feel safer.  My yard isn't fenced yet, and wont be for a while, which would mean I'd have to walk the dog regularly and take it to the dog park instead of just playing with it in the yard.  This could be good for me exercise wise though.

I confess... I should probably wait until I get some of my house in order before bringing another living thing into it... And I'm thinking maybe I should try fostering first before making the big commitment to keeping a pooch forever.  Good thing I volunteer with an awesome rescue!

What do you have to confess this week?

Linking up with:

Confessions of a New Homeowner Part 2: Updates on The New House

You may have caught my first round of new homeowner confessions when I was freaking out.  That was exactly two weeks ago after just getting the keys to my new home and being able access it for the first time.  A TON has happened since then, and I've had a LOT of help.

I confess... The previous homeowners left the place in quite a state.  That's one of the reasons I was freaking out when I first got the keys and was able to get in there.  There were giant holes in the walls, the place smelled like sour meat, they didn't leave the portable A/C they were required to leave, the door was hanging wide open (they didn't lock it at all), and there was a giant pile of crap they'd left me in the back yard. They'd also almost completely killed the grass in the back yard between the time I looked at the home and the time I gained access. I pretty much hate them, and each project has me cursing their names.  What jerks.

I confess... I've grown too weary of chasing down my realtor to see about the A/C unit.  I'm just giving up I think... Though part of me feels like I should call the cops or something, since they were required to leave it and the fact that they took it should count as theft.  I'll admit that I don't really need it now (I've forked over the money to buy an A/C for myself because it's hot and I couldn't wait!) but that I'd like to get them simply out of principle.

I confess... One of the first things I did at my new place was start thinking about all the updates I had to do, and one of the first ones I did was porch lights.  They had an old ugly motion detector light on the front, and a hole with wires hanging out the back... These little lights I got at Home Depot for about $16 each, so I felt like it wasn't a terrible investment-and they add a lot of character.  So the Sunday after I gained access to the house my dad stopped by on his way out of town (for work) and helped me install a couple new lights, and also my new A/C.  He also helped me fix the front door so it would lock properly.  My dad is so great.

I confess... He's working six-twelves right now, but he said as soon as he's done with this job he'll come down and help me install some new flooring.  They self-installed some laminate in the kitchen and did a terrible job-there are giant gaps in between boards, the boards aren't secured so they slide around, and they never water-proofed or protected the flooring against water damage.

I confess... My mom and my sister have been amazing.  Not only did they rush down when I was freaking out to make me feel better, but they then came down again the following Sunday night to help me start making the place liveable.  They slept on the floor of my new house with me for two nights while we painted, primed, scraped, patched, and fixed the place up.  Plus we had puppy helpers. So cute!

I confess... I didn't get enough before shots, but I did get a few.  I wish I'd gotten more and taken them with my good camera so you could see just how bad some things were.  These people didn't really take care of the place at all.  It looks like they tried to do some fixes on their own, but every fix they did was done really poorly.

I confess... It's amazing how much a coat of paint can change a room.  This house is tiny with a cottage/bungalow feel, but I don't know how they survived with ugly stark white walls over their ten years there.  It had no character.  Maybe they were just cheap-I had no idea how much paint cost-it was so expensive!  Above is a few shots of the living room.

I confess... I went with Sherwin Williams Sea Salt for the walls on the living room, and the two-tone look with the molding in Sherwin Williams Snowbound.  I'm in love with it.  It makes the room feel ENTIRELY different.

I confess... It was SO difficult to paint over where the stairs are.  In the middle of painting we called my grandfather to ask if he had a tall ladder we could borrow and he rushed over with one so we could reach some awkward spaces.  It still didn't help with some of the spaces, so he built some makeshift scaffolding over the space so we could stand on it or put things on it.

I confess... The scaffolding had about a foot on one side where it rested, but only about two inches on the other... When that shifts and you have a giant bucket of paint sitting on the wood-bad things happen.  My sister accidentally dropped an entire bowl of paint down my stairs!

I confess... The painting of my stair carpet resulted in a lot of tears.  All three of us were going on very little sleep, so my sister was bawling because she felt bad and I was bawling because I couldn't afford to replace the carpet that was now painted white.  Luckily my mom kept a cool head and after an hour of scrubbing with hot soapy water and running the carpet cleaner over it, we managed to get most of it out.

I confess... For the kitchen I chose Behr Planetary Silver.  I don't know what inspired me to go with a grey, but I sure love the two-toned look with the silver-grey and the Snowbound trim.  I still have a lot to paint in the kitchen.  I also bought some pretty grey and white chevron style non-slip cupboard liners that I'll be able to put in when I finish all the painting.

I confess... The kitchen cabinets are kind of weird.  Over the sink there are the original built-in solid wood cabinets that probably came with the house in the 1950s, but somewhere along the line they've replaced the cabinets along the wall and under the sink with a cheaper version.  The replaced cabinets all have newer hinges on them, but the original ones had the original hinges with about 60 years worth of paint over it... It took two whole days to get the hinges off so we could paint.  They'd been painted over so many times that I had to buy a paint stripper, apply it, let it sit 15 minutes before scraping whatever I could get off, and then repeat-for two days.  I did finally get them off, and am currently in the process of painting them and getting new hardware for them.

I confess... In the kitchen there was a random hole in the ceiling that the previous owners had literally stuffed with plastic grocery sacks. Just, what?  What is wrong with these people?  I pulled the grocery sacks out and a bunch of heat rushed down.  We imagine that they must have used the hole to put in insulation in part of the attic space, but then been way too lazy to fix it-they just tried to plug it up so that the heat stayed in.  Above you'll see how they had it on the left, and on the right how I started fixing it.

I confess... I'm learning how to patch walls like a pro.  We bought mesh panels and mesh tape, and a giant tub of Joint Compound and I have patched so many holes and cracks in the walls/ceilings that it's crazy.  But it makes such a difference!

I confess... One thing I was aware of from the moment I put in the offer was the jagged hole between the wall and door frame in the bedroom.  This door separates the bedroom from the downstairs bathroom (worst bathroom ever) and it appears as if they'd cut their own door frame.  It was all jagged and wavy, and they'd just left the whole there without doing anything to patch it.  So my momma helped me nail in a new board that was missing from the frame, and we broke out the joint compound and we started patching the door up.  It's dried kind of cracking, so I think I need to sand it down and put another layer on it.

I confess... The bedroom walls were bad too.  There was paint peeling everywhere (it appears they'd painted directly over drywall without primer or anything) and the molding along the one wall was damaged.  I pried up the molding and voila, found a small piece of mold.  We cut the moldy section of the wall out and tossed the old molding there.  We also spent hours hand scraping the peeling paint off the walls.

I confess... My mom and sister seriously are the best family anyone could ask for. They both had Monday off, and even though I had to work they went to my house and painted my bedroom!  I came home to an almost complete painting job that has saved me SO much time!  

I confess... I originally bought Sherwin Williams Refresh to use to update the accents in the kitchen (which are already a similar-but darker-color) and ended up hating it in the Kitchen.  So I was glad that when it was done in the bedroom I LOVED it there. I'd hate to waste paint or be stuck with a color I hate.  It looked great with the Snowbound trim/accents as well.

I confess... In an effort to make me hate my downstairs bathroom less, (it looked like this originally) my mom and sister helped me paint it mostly white.  It's going to need an entire overhall at some point... It's the most bizarre thing.  The main drain is up in the wall, so they've installed a pump in the floor and have pipes and wires running everywhere.  I think that it's because of all the pipes and wires and the pump that they built the weird platforms and fake walls to hide it... Except they didn't do a great job at that either-they made sliding cupboard doors that are uneven and terrible, and the platforms kind of slide around.  They didn't even have the shower secured into the wall, it can move around... But making it white helps a little.

I confess... My baby sister is pretty much the smaller, blonder, more adorable version of me.  Isn't she cute?

I confess... I am becoming extremely handy.  I'm learning how to do so many things on my own, including patching walls and hooking things up.  I'm also going to make an attempt to change my headlight on my car this weekend (I'm too house poor to take my car in lol) and I need to switch out a few electrical outlets that my dad explained how to do.  I am woman, hear me roar.

I confess... I still have SO much more to do before the house is actually liveable... I mean I'm currently bunkered down in the one room of the house that's mostly done (the living room) with my couches, TV, boxes/bags piled everywhere, and my mattress on the floor.  It's crazy! Also, about 90% of everything I own is locked in the garage currently-it's been crazy.

Here is my upcoming home improvement to-do list, at least those things I know of off the top of my head so far.

• Finish painting cupboards and around them.
• Hang cupboard doors.
• Place liner in cupboards.

• Finish patching the holes and painting the walls in the kitchen.
• Figure out the kitchen table situation-my table is too big for the kitchen. lol
• Re-caulk around the sink.
• Figure out if I want to keep the accent color in the kitchen.
• If yes, touch it up/repaint it.
• If no, figure out what color to paint it instead.

• Backsplash behind the stove-my mom pulled down their ghetto tin foil that they'd pasted up against the wall and painted instead.

• Repaint the monstrosity that is the yellow bathroom with red accents... 
• Clean up their caulking mess in the said bathroom.
• Replace the faucet because it doesn't actually reach the sink properly.
• Eventually I also need to figure out why the jets in the bathtub don't work...

• Finish painting my bedroom.
• Spray for bugs-there are SO many spiders!
• Figure out how to hook up the washer and dryer properly.
• Unpack at least my clothing.
• Figure out what to do with the closet (which looks like this).
• Figure out what to do with the ugly downstairs bathroom.
• Replace the counters because they are cracked and broken.
• Paint the hallway.
• Find curtains for the living room and the bedroom.
• Try and bring my poor yard back to life.

Whew, I've got a lot of work cut out for me.

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New Homeowner Confessions & Freak Outs (aka Confessions of a New Homeowner Part 1)

I confess... Buying my first home has been a trying experience. Since I started looking for a home in March, I have put in four offers on homes.  One fell through due to a terrible inspection (we're talking EVERYTHING wrong with the place except the paint!), one fell through for not being FHA approved, one fell through because they accepted another offer instead, and finally the last one was successful.

I put in an offer on this last house about 12 hours after the listing was put up.  By the next day it had an additional 5 offers put in on it.  They called us, since we were the first offer, and told me that if I'd take it for full asking price-it was mine.  I accepted.

 I confess... My neighbors have a huge half pipe skateboard ramp in their back yard.  Also, nearly every time I've been over there they've been outside drinking beers.  At least they'll never complain about parties right? lol

I confess...  I closed on my home a week ago.  However, the owners had requested as part of the offer an extra week to move out of the home and I agreed.  I will never do that again-the waiting was terrible and I'm convinced that the previous owners were complete jerks.  They didn't leave the A/C as they promised, but instead they left a nice big mess to clean up.

I confess... I got the keys yesterday and an email saying the previous owners were entirely out of the home so I headed straight over to have a look at it.

The front door was wide open.  The house smelled like sour meat upstairs and cat pee downstairs.  There were all sorts of holes in the walls and other things I'd never seen since the previous tenants had so much junk everywhere... They had piles of crap just hiding all of the issues before.  Here are some photos from the listing:

   

I confess... It was exactly then that I lost sight of the potential I'd seen when I first put in an offer.  All I saw were the holes-were they made by water damage? Termites? I saw the crappy carpet, and the "upgrades" they'd tried to do but failed at... Seriously, they cut their own door and it's anything but straight.  They straight-up ripped holes in the closet wall so they could get to the storage behind easier.  They laid laminate flooring in the kitchen with 2 inch gaps filled with nastyness (no covers, no filler, nothing) in between the floor boards.  There was a hole in the kitchen with plastic bags stuffed in it.  Just... What?

I confess... I thought I'd made a huge mistake.  I texted Yoshi and explained how all their crap had covered up the problems.  He suggested I fill it with my own crap to hide them. lol

I called my mom and burst into tears.  I'd made a huge mistake.  I'd bought an awful house that needed more work than I thought it would, and on top of it something was probably dead in the wall because WHY THE HELL DOES MY HOUSE SMELL LIKE SOUR MEAT?

I confess... My daddy called me from Wyoming and talked me down.  He kept telling me it was all "lipstick on a pig" and that the inspector had said it had good bones, a good roof, good plumbing/wiring, etc.  He reminded me that I bought my home for 140k but it appraised for 145k so I'd already made money.  He told me his coworker lived three blocks from my new house, and when he told him how much I bought it for the guy was astounded.  He said "Nothing in Sugar House goes for under 200k!  Her lot is worth 200k!"

He reminded me that even though he's working six-twelves (six twelve hour days) for the next six weeks, when this job ended he'd have some time to come and help me fix things.  He reminded me that he can tear out carpet, break down walls, install appliances and light fixtures... He reminded me tha whatever he couldn't do, we had family members that could.  "Need tile?  We can call Uncle Dan, Cody, or Chris!" or "Need a new door?  Call your grandpa, he'll come over and help."

I confess... My sweet mother grabbed my awesome sister and hopped in the car right then to drive the hour+ during rush hour, when they both had to work super early (like be to work at 5AM) the next day, to come down and make me feel better.  

They arrived with a carpet cleaner and two bags of cleaning supplies, paint, and smell-good stuffs (Febreze, Lysol, etc.)  They picked me up at my apartment and we drove over to the house.  They walked through the house with me and told me all the things they loved, and they reminded me of the potential the place had.  They'd say "Oh that's an easy fix, we'll just pick up some putty and it'll take us 10 minutes to cover that hole." or "This carpet really isn't bad, I say worry about the carpet later and let's start on some of the other little things we can repair."

They stayed until 10PM making me feel better, bought me dinner, and then drove the hour plus home so they could get up for work early.  They are amazing-I'm so lucky to have them!

I confess... Buying a house has been the most stressful experience of my life.  I'm still afraid.  I'm afraid it wont feel like home.  I'm afraid I wont have the skills to do all that I need to do.  But, I'm a homeowner.  This place is mine and I'll make it mine.

Any tips for a first-time homeowner?

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Confessions This Week & A Giveaway

I confess... After last week's confessions and events I decided to stay busy last weekend. Friday night I invited Kristina over for homemade Mac & Cheese  and a really fun girls night.  So grateful for such an awesome friend.

I confess... Saturday it was easy to stay busy since we were volunteering for our company's booth at the Utah Pride Festival.  The shirt they gave me was way too big (she got my size wrong) and uncomfortable.  So I totally sexed it up 80's style.

I confess... Every year on the Saturday of Pride our friend Jared throws a massive BBQ where he caters it and 100-130 people typically show up.  We were having so much fun until the storm rolled through and we were rained/flooded out.

I confess... I decided to get my health on track and first I made a trip to Target.  I accidentally spent $200 on what basically amounts to underwear and healthy food.  It never fails that when I stop eating my feelings, I start shopping them.  Why do I do that?  I need to be healthy AND on a budget now.

I confess... Things with the guy I talked about last week may be okay after all.  Eventually, anyway.  We've talked a lot and are back to our usual flirty selves.  He's still being a stand-up guy and getting his other business handled before he comes over again (a point which I appreciate and lament-haha!  It's just because I want him to come over...) But it seems like before too long things will be good again.  Fingers crossed.

I confess... I put in an offer on this cute little thing yesterday.  I'd almost decided I was going to before I even looked at it in real life.  The area it's in is still part of Sugarhouse (which is where I live now) and at only 139k it's priced significantly below what homes go for in that area.  This is probably the best I'm going to ever be able to do and still stay close to the city that I love.

I confess... It's so very tiny.  It has two floors, each are only about 528 square feet.  The bedrooms are itty bitty and in the basement... I'm going to have to throw a lot of stuff out to fit in here-even though my apt is smaller it is laid out better for my furniture.  I have no idea what to do with my art supplies, but I guess if I get it I can always build myself a studio out back.  Wouldn't that be lovely? The yard is the best part. It's big and lush with full grown trees.  Plenty of room for a patio, a firepit, and a garden.  Fingers crossed!

I confess... The biggest worry is the work it's going to need.  Nothing has really been updated in it (except appliances) and the walls in the basement are torn up really bad.  However my realtor thinks that the walls in the basement can be redone along with serious remodeling (moving the bathroom, etc.) for under $5,000 and if I get it cheap enough that's doable.

I confess... My health plan is back on track and I'm doing so well so far!  I'm doing a 7 day challenge and I've been going to the gym and getting a lot of walking in.  I'm blogging daily over at Health NOT to Health NUT also, so please stop by there to see about the challenge.  Please also take a minute to fill out my reader survey and enter to win ad space and an Amazon Gift card! 

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Confessions on Travel, Life, & Love Lately

I confess... I've owed you an update for quite some time.  I haven't been getting very personal here, except for in my Musical Mondays posts (so if you're not reading them, you should-I get really real in them.  They're not just for sharing music.) so here we go.  Also, I'm sorry it's been so long.  So here I am, and I'm about to lay it all down for you.  Are you ready?

I confess... I didn't share my trip to Canada with you!  Okay, here goes.  We drove up to Edmonton and spent a couple great days with Josh and his roommate Michel.  These days were filled with great food, a few drinks, and altogether great adventures.  We went on a really lovely 5 mile hike where we even were able to see a beaver swimming in the river.  You can actually see it swimming in the bottom corner of the very last photo here:

I confess... We also made a trip to the West Edmonton Mall while we were up there.  Everyone always said it was amazing, and it turns out-while it is awesome, it's still a mall and I kind of hate malls.  I'd really enjoy going back if I could spend some real time in the water park though.  That mall has a whole water park (largest indoor water park in North America), an amusement park, a hockey rink, a sea lion exhibit and show, a couple of golf courses, and much more in it.  It's insane.  We walked five miles just inside that mall! 

I confess... Even with all the adventures, the most fun was had just getting together and spending time with Josh.  I've missed my best friend so, and now that we've seen each other we're making our FaceTime dates a priority.  We need to connect more often and catch up, especially while we're both out of school for the Summer.

I confess... My baby brother graduated!  Sitting through graduation was torture, but it was worth it to give him a hug and tell him how proud of him I was.  He's such a great dude, and I'm lucky to have him as a brother.

I confess... Courtney came back for a visit for the first time since leaving for The Navy.  It was so great to see her, and we all went to Tucanos for her birthday feast.  Pineapple drinks and singing in Portuguese for the win!  That weekend Ken also got himself a riding lawn mower, and he had way too much fun with that thing.

I confess... Before I went to Canada I met someone.  Okay, met someone is not the correct term for it, because I've known this certain someone for years, but I didn't like him before.  Somewhere along the lines he and I began chatting and we became friends, and then we started flirting, and then it was decided we were going to sleep together.  Well since our timing was right before the trip, we ended up texting for the entire trip and found out we liked each other more than just physically.

I confess... Our first date lasted an entire weekend.  From 8PM on Friday night to Noon on Sunday.  It was wonderful, and every time we've been together since then it's been so fun and easy.

I confess... I got attached.  Hard.  But so did he-and he even admitted it to me.  We have an open honesty policy meaning we aren't allowed to hide anything from each other, or lie to each other, and that has been a beautiful thing.  Until he got scared.  Self sabotage got in the way and somewhere along the way he tried really hard to ruin it.  I'm still not sure whether it's ruined or not...

I confess... While I have a strong feeling that this isn't over... It's definitely over for now.  There are some things he needs to figure out and get cleaned up in his life, and I know better than to wait around for it.  I told him that we can be friends for now, and that he should let me know when he decides what he wants-because for a little while that door may still be open to him.

I confess... I'm bummed over this whole thing more than I wanted to be.  I'm a big girl, I know things end, but I wasn't ready for it to be over yet.  I really thought we'd at least have some more fun and enjoy some more time together before deciding whether we were going to be something long term or whether it wasn't going to work out.  There is some consolation in the fact that he still really likes me, and he wants me, but knowing there are other things complicating the matter doesn't help.  I kind of want to shake him and say "I'm awesome, you want me, stop standing in your own way" but it wont help.  He has to make the decisions that sit best with him, and I can't spend my time waiting for a decision-even though I may want to.  I still want him, so it's hard not to wait.  It's hard not to be like "Just pick me and let's do this" when I know it'd be good for him, but I also know he needs to come to that conclusion on his own or it will never work.

I confess... I'm astounded at my ability to rise above.  Even though it stung a bit all I want to do is be friendly and supportive of him.  I promised him we'd stay friends no matter what, and I find that I'm not even angry at the hurt or indecision.  My altruism through this situation has made me feel so grown up, and I love that I can be the kind of person who just speaks with kindness and cares no matter what is happening, even when it hurts to still care... I love that I'm the kind of person who can be compassionate and accepting even in a situation that's painful for all involved.  I love who I'm growing up to be.

I confess... One other beautiful thing I've encountered during this messy situation is that I'm definitely finally starting to see my own self worth.  Throughout all of it he's seen how amazing I am, and it helps me see it.  I know I'm awesome.  I know he'll miss me.  That, my friends, is a wonderful feeling.

Because you know what?  I AM awesome.  I AM 100% miss-able.  There is no one else like me in the whole wide world and I am a damned catch.  Anyone would be lucky to have me, and one day someone will know that-and be brave and smart enough to act on it-just you wait and see.  Sometimes it's hard to remember that fact, especially when you want someone and it's not working out-but to be able to see it through all the fog of heartache is a beautiful thing.  I'm seriously the coolest.

I confess... Next week, I'm getting real serious about my fitness again.  I'm coming back to Health NOT to Health NUT with a vengeance.  I'm going to get so hot that I'm a 10, and I'm going to channel any frustrations into working out.  I can do this.

How are you?  What's new in your world?

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