Confessions on Travel, Life, & Love Lately

I confess... I've owed you an update for quite some time.  I haven't been getting very personal here, except for in my Musical Mondays posts (so if you're not reading them, you should-I get really real in them.  They're not just for sharing music.) so here we go.  Also, I'm sorry it's been so long.  So here I am, and I'm about to lay it all down for you.  Are you ready?

I confess... I didn't share my trip to Canada with you!  Okay, here goes.  We drove up to Edmonton and spent a couple great days with Josh and his roommate Michel.  These days were filled with great food, a few drinks, and altogether great adventures.  We went on a really lovely 5 mile hike where we even were able to see a beaver swimming in the river.  You can actually see it swimming in the bottom corner of the very last photo here:

I confess... We also made a trip to the West Edmonton Mall while we were up there.  Everyone always said it was amazing, and it turns out-while it is awesome, it's still a mall and I kind of hate malls.  I'd really enjoy going back if I could spend some real time in the water park though.  That mall has a whole water park (largest indoor water park in North America), an amusement park, a hockey rink, a sea lion exhibit and show, a couple of golf courses, and much more in it.  It's insane.  We walked five miles just inside that mall! 

I confess... Even with all the adventures, the most fun was had just getting together and spending time with Josh.  I've missed my best friend so, and now that we've seen each other we're making our FaceTime dates a priority.  We need to connect more often and catch up, especially while we're both out of school for the Summer.

I confess... My baby brother graduated!  Sitting through graduation was torture, but it was worth it to give him a hug and tell him how proud of him I was.  He's such a great dude, and I'm lucky to have him as a brother.

I confess... Courtney came back for a visit for the first time since leaving for The Navy.  It was so great to see her, and we all went to Tucanos for her birthday feast.  Pineapple drinks and singing in Portuguese for the win!  That weekend Ken also got himself a riding lawn mower, and he had way too much fun with that thing.

I confess... Before I went to Canada I met someone.  Okay, met someone is not the correct term for it, because I've known this certain someone for years, but I didn't like him before.  Somewhere along the lines he and I began chatting and we became friends, and then we started flirting, and then it was decided we were going to sleep together.  Well since our timing was right before the trip, we ended up texting for the entire trip and found out we liked each other more than just physically.

I confess... Our first date lasted an entire weekend.  From 8PM on Friday night to Noon on Sunday.  It was wonderful, and every time we've been together since then it's been so fun and easy.

I confess... I got attached.  Hard.  But so did he-and he even admitted it to me.  We have an open honesty policy meaning we aren't allowed to hide anything from each other, or lie to each other, and that has been a beautiful thing.  Until he got scared.  Self sabotage got in the way and somewhere along the way he tried really hard to ruin it.  I'm still not sure whether it's ruined or not...

I confess... While I have a strong feeling that this isn't over... It's definitely over for now.  There are some things he needs to figure out and get cleaned up in his life, and I know better than to wait around for it.  I told him that we can be friends for now, and that he should let me know when he decides what he wants-because for a little while that door may still be open to him.

I confess... I'm bummed over this whole thing more than I wanted to be.  I'm a big girl, I know things end, but I wasn't ready for it to be over yet.  I really thought we'd at least have some more fun and enjoy some more time together before deciding whether we were going to be something long term or whether it wasn't going to work out.  There is some consolation in the fact that he still really likes me, and he wants me, but knowing there are other things complicating the matter doesn't help.  I kind of want to shake him and say "I'm awesome, you want me, stop standing in your own way" but it wont help.  He has to make the decisions that sit best with him, and I can't spend my time waiting for a decision-even though I may want to.  I still want him, so it's hard not to wait.  It's hard not to be like "Just pick me and let's do this" when I know it'd be good for him, but I also know he needs to come to that conclusion on his own or it will never work.

I confess... I'm astounded at my ability to rise above.  Even though it stung a bit all I want to do is be friendly and supportive of him.  I promised him we'd stay friends no matter what, and I find that I'm not even angry at the hurt or indecision.  My altruism through this situation has made me feel so grown up, and I love that I can be the kind of person who just speaks with kindness and cares no matter what is happening, even when it hurts to still care... I love that I'm the kind of person who can be compassionate and accepting even in a situation that's painful for all involved.  I love who I'm growing up to be.

I confess... One other beautiful thing I've encountered during this messy situation is that I'm definitely finally starting to see my own self worth.  Throughout all of it he's seen how amazing I am, and it helps me see it.  I know I'm awesome.  I know he'll miss me.  That, my friends, is a wonderful feeling.

Because you know what?  I AM awesome.  I AM 100% miss-able.  There is no one else like me in the whole wide world and I am a damned catch.  Anyone would be lucky to have me, and one day someone will know that-and be brave and smart enough to act on it-just you wait and see.  Sometimes it's hard to remember that fact, especially when you want someone and it's not working out-but to be able to see it through all the fog of heartache is a beautiful thing.  I'm seriously the coolest.

I confess... Next week, I'm getting real serious about my fitness again.  I'm coming back to Health NOT to Health NUT with a vengeance.  I'm going to get so hot that I'm a 10, and I'm going to channel any frustrations into working out.  I can do this.

How are you?  What's new in your world?

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