A letter to an Ex.
Dear [Womanizer],
Boy you made a mess of things, didn't you? You were the longest mistake I've ever made. Standing me up 8 out of 10 times was a pretty dick-ish thing to do. I can't believe you were the one I thought had it all together, and I let you make me feel guilty because I couldn't decide whether or not to commit to you. NO WONDER I couldn't decide, it was my subconscious screaming at me saying "That asshole is dating other women behind your back AND he stands you up all the time-You really wanna deal with that bullshit?"
Yeah, even when I don't always think clearly, it's nice to know that my subconscious could see you for what you really were. I complete asshat.
It's a hilarious story actually... Seeing as I finally grew the balls to tell you "No, I'm not going to meet you for sushi because I am completely tired of your bullshit. Please move along now, never going to happen again." and then posted about it in my blog only to have comments left saying "Hey I was dating him at the same time as you!" and "This is his ex-wife and we were working on our relationship that whole time too!" You were really playing the field, weren't you? Toying with all our hearts, telling us you wanted something real and lasting with each of us and then completely taking our trust and using it to be the worlds biggest jack-ass.
I'm over it, I really am. This is a great exercise in creative writing, and I love putting it all down on paper in a public forum where you have ever opportunity to see it. In fact, I'm pretty sure the link shows up on your Yahoo friend connect page (I hid you so I wouldn't have to see your stupid updates, couldn't figure out how to disconnect so you couldn't see mine-oh well!) but I know you are much too self-centered to worry about it. I really do wish you could read it though, because most of all I feel sorry for you.
It's really kind of sad and pathetic... I think part of you desperately wants a real relationship, but for some reason you get in the way of yourself and screw it all up. You hurt people as you desperately try to hurt yourself. Also, I hear you're drinking yourself silly now, is the self-torture only going to get worse and worse? I think you should double your shrink appointments, and maybe you should actually be honest with him so he can help you figure your shit out. You're a total mess. I know part of that is because of the military, and part of you is still stuck at 17 because you were so young when you joined... You are acting like an immature teenager and a lot of it can be chalked up to that. However, I know plenty of people that have gotten out of the military, and even though they still deal with PTSD and other stuff, they are mature, responsible individuals. Grow the hell up.
I hope you figure it out before you completely screw up your life forever.
Peace out.
P.S. I was recently linked to your www.benaughty.com profile, and whoo-wee was that some funny stuff to read! Expecially when you say you "work hard both in and out of the bedroom." Pretty much you work hard to end up in the bedroom with as many people as possible. Ha!
Wanna get it off your chest? Join the fun!
Hi Angie...Great Blog Dear. I couldn't agree more, especially about the part of him being stuck at 17. Enoch is a scared little boy trapped inside a grown mans body.
ReplyDeleteOver the last few months, especially through June and July, I thought he was getting better and that maybe therapy was starting to work or he was on new medication or something, It was almost like the invasion of the body snatchers with him. He would call when he said he'd call, he would show up when he said he'd be there, He even just showed up unannounced once to see if I wanted to hang out. (So out of character) He was reliable and dependable and a lot of fun to be around.
He would call me or text me first thing in the morning just to tell me he was awake and ready to start his day. He would call me numerous times through out the day just to talk about nothing in general. When I was having issues with my Ex husband he was always the first one on the phone with me telling me that if I wanted him to he'd kick his ass for me. He had started to make plans of taking me to meet his friends and go to a few parties with him. He would say things like "Next week I'm gonna take you to such and such a restaurant, or I want to take you for a ride to show you this really great place I found up such and such canyon" Invasion of the body snatchers..Right?
~Continued~
Then one day around the end of July he said he would come over to help me put together my daughters new bed that my parents purchased for her. He said that after 2 and a half years of knowing me it was time he met my kids. OMG....Could it be true? If he was actually ready to meet the kids.....Hmmmm......maybe new Enoch was actually letting the grown man come through at last.
ReplyDeleteHe came over that Sunday and my mom and dad were over at my apartment dropping off the bed. He met my parents and my two children and he seemed to get along really well with them especially he and my Daughter. They seemed to really hit it off. It was kinda cute actually. They talked about music and he wanted to show them stuff on Youtube and even my 17 year old son said..."Mom, You two look really good together, He seems like a stand up guy." Well I think my son hit the nail on the head right there...."Seems Like"
One week later he sent me an email from some dating site asking me if I would give him a testimonial on said dating site so other women would want to date him.....What....The.....FUCK????
When I told him....UM....NO, that I had a hard enough time getting him to take me out why would I want to create that much more competition by telling other women how "Great" he was. That's when he told me....."I never looked as you as someone who is Datable. Your like a sister to me."
Excuse me? A Sister? Well then why don't you go fuck Your Mother! According to Enoch, I am Un-datable. That's what every woman wants to hear. He also told me that if I looked deep in his heart I would see a void there concerning his feelings for me. He told me all those times he spent over at my house was “Just as friends” All the dates he planed to take me on was “Just as friends” The time he told me that he loved me “Was just as a friend” Then he told me “I’ve always told you I couldn’t return your feelings for you Amy, At the very least I can hold my head up high and say I was always Honest” Oh Gag…I almost threw up.
No Enoch, the fact of the matter is, you met my Parents and you met my kids. You had such a good day with us that when you got home that afternoon you got stuck inside your own God Damned head and twisted the good day around into something that scared you....A Happy, Healthy relationship with a woman who loves you and 2 great Kids you could of been a friend to and a good male role model too.
The plain and simple fact is......YOU GOT SCARED!!!!! Grow the fuck up!
Oh and Angie....Your welcome for the Benaughty link....I found that link the first week in August....right after he told me I was not a datable person...LOL...He had told me a few weeks prior to this he needed to make some changes in his life and he was going to be celibate for a few months. Wow Enoch.....Really? Yeah benaughty.com really looks like a good website to help with your finding yourself through celibacy. Well, with that one picture he has on there....That could help him NOT get laid....LOL
thanks again Angie for letting me vent. This was an exceptional Blog today!
~Amy
LOL! You're welcome! It adds tot he entire thing, my readers can see what an asshat he really is not only through my blog but through your comments too!
ReplyDeleteBlogmania info is here!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.parkerpronline.com/2010/09/blogmania/
I really also liked when he told me that He was removing himself from my path and I would never lay eyes on him again.
ReplyDelete3 weeks later hes in MY neighborhood up at Sushi Ya in Cottonwood Heights Walking out of the restaurant with one of his friends as I'm walking out of Reams Grocery Store. I loaded my trunk with my groceries as hes pulling out. As I'm digging my car keys out of my purse hes pulling out and then he saw me...Hahahahaha.
There I am standing by my car and he just sitting in his car blocking the parking lot looking at me like a deer caught in the headlights. Mouth open, eyes wide with a look of "Oh Shit" on his face. I just looked at him, smiled while he sat there for over a minute looking at me like "What the Hell?"
The lesson in all of this is Never say Never to a Witch cause baby boy Karma is a Big Ol Bitch!
*Insert Witch Cackle Here*
~Amy :)
WOW... crazy for sure. So glad you said NO. Great post though... fun letters! Oh, and you're reading Eat Pray Love, great book, and turned out to be a pretty good movie too :)
ReplyDelete~Tabitha
See, you were much nicer to your ex than I could be I'm not filled with hate, I don't think that much of him for hate. More self-disgust for letting it go on as long as I did.
ReplyDeleteOkay, maybe the ex post would have turned inwards and that's what I didn't want to see.
You're a better person without him - where you found the strength to say "Enough" has made you stronger.
I'm liking your letters far more than my own.
M