30 Letters: Day 20: Dear You Who Smashed My Heart

A letter to someone who smashed my heart.
(Sorry I skipped the mind pestering letter, I couldn't think of anyone!)

Dear Self,

How could you do that?  How could you let yourself be treated the way you continually allow yourself to be treated?  You've completely smashed your own heart.  How?  Well, you keep putting yourself in these positions that you know will destroy you.  

You know that there are certain types of guys that if you date them, they're not going to be what you want them to be.  How many times have you had an open relationship or tried polyamory because you fell for a guy who showed right from the get-go he wouldn't be willing to actually commit? Deep down you knew all along that you weren't capable of such relationships, and yet you went into them because you allowed yourself to ignore all the warning signs.  You should know them well enough by now, and yet you keep putting yourself through it.

Why do you keep dating guys that seem to only want sex?  Better yet, why do you keep giving it up so easily?  You tell yourself every time that you're not going to, that you're going to wait for something real before you get intimate... Yet ever time you fall into your same old habits and end up being easy.  Doesn't it make you feel like a slut?  This giving it all up for nothing?  You know that when you do, you get attached and get hurt-same story, different day.  So why do you keep repeating your history?  Why haven't you done something to change it by now?  STOP DATING ASSHOLES! STOP BEING BLINDED BY LUST-BETTER YET, STOP THINKING WITH YOUR VAGINA ND START THINKING WITH YOU'RE DAMN MIND.  Goodness.

I still love you, and I love you enough now to put a stop to this.  Never again.

Love, me.

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