Dear Crush,
Since you don't exist, I'm writing this letter out to the universe... I've been feeling so numb lately. Numb because of the lack of falling madly in love; numb because of the lack of broken heartedness; and numb with the lack of desire for either feeling.
Some may say not feeling a broken heart, or aching for someone, is a good thing. However, the numbess-this silence-that is my heart is maddening. My brain tells me "You should go out and get swept up in the joy of a new romantic fling." My heart responds "Maybe next week..." over and over again. My brain says "Isn't there someone you should be missing or aching to find?" My heart responds with it's carefree "Meh." The brain gets desperate at this point and says "I'm so bored with everything right now! Can't we please do something emotionally charging to break up the monotony of it all?" My heart says "Have fun with that, I'm staying out of it."
So I guess, dear crush, if you're out there, I'd like you to come along and put the feeling back into me? I'd like to meet someone who sends that bolt of energy to this battery hanging drained in my chest, a bolt enough to jump start feeling again.
Sincerely,
Loveless and Desire Free.
Want to play along? Check out the curriculum!
You know, I don't even know if I want that - that jolt. It's what happens afterwards, when you trust and get crushed because of it. I think I just want the calmness of a friend, someone to go to movies with, just moving around out of the house with.
ReplyDeleteThat jolt just fries you and I don't know if I want to risk that right now. I know that jolt.. it leave me emptier after it goes.
I'm happy you're ready for it though... it's a good sign.
M
I hate that state.
ReplyDeleteUHG.
But trust me.. its better than feeling hurt..
I keep having ups and downs in my relationship and i wish I could just be bored or content rather than so high that the fall is ten times worse than usual.. ya know.
be happy.. there's good reason. :) be happy about your new workout and all its gonna bring and already is bringing.. Because I wish I could be motivated to work out more right now.. I really need it.. I could use some endorphins right about now. heh.
Mabye you should read a good Novel :) MIGHT prove to be stimulating to your mind right now.. ?
I hear ya. Meh.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind having a broken heart because it's the first time in my life I've actually felt something and not been with someone. It means I'm alive and it means I'll be OK.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, check out my "crush". I don't have one either, so I had to improvise!
ONLINE DATING!!
ReplyDeleteHaha. I didn't mean to yell, but that can be fun... except that it causes [me] mild irritation, and stress when meeting someone for the first time. Still, it could solve your problem.
No need for deep emotions...a little somethin' somethin' need not be exhausting...well, it can't be exhausting, but not emotionally :)
ReplyDelete