He's Just Not That Into You

 I finished reading this book two weeks ago, but am just now getting around to type up my analysis of it.

Thanks again Miss Candy for sending it to me!  You're the best.

This book changed my life!

He's Just Not That Into You was the combined efforts of Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo; two of the writers for Sex and the City.  It apparently was started when Greg overheard Liz and some of the other female writers talking about the behavior of a guy one of the women was dating.  As all the women tried to comfort her with "He's just scared of relationships" or "Your fabulous and he's never met a woman like you."  Greg piped up with "Listen, it sounds like he's just not that into you."

This book is mostly written by Greg, as he goes over the different excuses we girls make for the guys we date, and he tears them down. Then he provides examples using related letters that women sent to him, and his response to each of the letters.  After this, he simplifies it, and then Liz writes about why that particular thing is hard for us as women to accept.  Then one or the other of them list what it really should look like, Greg produces a letter from a woman who gets it, and then an example from polling other men.  It's a really interesting structure, and I found it very easy to follow and retain the information from.

The chapters are all examples of this too, they are titled things like "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out" and "He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He's Drunk."

Here's a quick list of the guys in my life, that were apparently just not that into me.

DF - Pretty sure he just settled for me when he couldn't get my best friend.  He'd point out imperfections with my body, stay out at his mother's all night without calling, and he pretty much up and left me like three times before I finally decided I'd never take him back again.  I gave him way too many chances, and it was only after I was finally gone for good that he realized what he'd lost.

Sugar Daddy - He had another girlfriend, and I knew about it.  He said she wouldn't sleep with him anymore, and she didn't want kids and he did. There was always talk about how he wanted to come and be with just me, but he had no follow through.

Matt - Said he never wanted to settle down and get married again, also said he never wanted to be monogamous.  In the book, Greg even says "If they say they can't be monogamous, they can't be monogamous."  Such is true with Matt.  He is one of my best friends, but he wasn't that into me romantically.

[Mormon Boy]- He worked two jobs, he told me how busy he was with work, even though he swore up and down he wanted a relationship with me.  He would come into my life and we'd have a few amazing dates, and then he'd just disappear only to turn up six months later and start the cycle all over again.

[Womanizer] - Wow, isn't this a big ball of a mess lately?  He wouldn't call when he said he would, he'd make plans and then stand me up without any type of contact or explanation.  In one breath he would tell me how he loved me, and how he wanted to "still be wooing me in 30 years" yet in the next breath he'd say "I'll call you right back" and leave me hanging for weeks.  Come to find out he was lying to me the entire time, and seeing various other women.  Real winner there.  He APPARENTLY just wasn't that into me.

The Pothead - This guy really wasn't that into me, but he sure put on a good show!  Come to find out he was sleeping with multiple women in the same office, and making us all feel special like we were the only ones! BASTARD!

These losers totally weren't worth the time and effort I put into them.

Greg even gives a  basic set of rules, and encourages you to add a few of your own. 

Here is my new list of dating rules!

1. I will not go out with a guy who hasn't asked me out first.  If he wants me, he'll come to me.  I'm not chasing anyone down anymore, I deserve to be the one chased!
2. No more excuses.  You stand me up?  We're done.  You don't call?  You better have a damn good reason!  No more second chances, I'm not going to wait around for someone who doesn't deserve me. 
3.  He has to date me/He gets to take me out.  Take me somewhere nice and wine-and-dine me.  I deserve to be wooed!  (Flowers are a BIG bonus too!)
4. Be cautious if he stops sleeping with me. (based more on my previous experiences) If a guy suddenly stops having sex with me as often, he's probably sleeping with someone else. (Thank you [womanizer] and The Pothead) On the same note, I wont be with anyone who makes me feel sexually unattractive.
5. No more dating alcoholics or drug addicts.  They've obviously got a lot of issues they need to deal with, and I don't have the time to be fixing them.  I want a whole individual who loves me enough to not be in a fog for every major event in our life!
6. If a guy doesn't want to get married or have kids, he's probably not for me.  I want those things, so why waste my time on someone who doesn't?  I will not be with a man who's afraid to talk about our future.
7. No Second Chances.  I will not, under any circumstances spend my precious time with any man who has already rejected me.  Break up with me once, we're not getting back together.
8. He disappears, I move on.  I'm not going to waste anymore time wondering about guys who just stop calling or don't show up anymore.  I'm just going to realize I can do better and move on!
9. NEVER date married/unavailable guys.  Duh, they're with someone else.  If they even try, they're losers that would just do the same to me if we got serious.  DUH!
10. I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, and loving person.  Self-explanatory.
11. No sex on the first few dates.  I want to be with someone who wants me for me, and not just the physical me.

If you're a single girl, I HIGHLY recommend you run and get this book now!  (If you've seen the movie it doesn't count, it doesn't do it any justice.  They're almost entirely different!) I loved it so much I'm going to re-read it every time I start to feel lonely or like I might settle. I'm also going to find my favorite quotes in it and hang them up in my room as daily affirmations! It was empowering, and it called me out on all of my own excuses. Seriously, go get it now!

***I did NOT receive anything for this. This review and opinion was formulated completely by me for nothing other than the fact that I LOVED this book with everything I have in me.***