They talk about different stages of grieving even pertaining to relationships, and in my personal experience I've found that to be very true, though in different ways each time. The five stages of loss/grief are as follows-and I've related them to a breakup instead of a death:
- Denial. "I can't believe it's all over. It can't be. How could he/she/they do that to me?"
- Anger. "What a stupid a**hole. What gives him/her/them the right to treat me like that?"
- Bargaining. "Maybe if I just text them something nice they'll see they want me and take it back."
- Depression. "It's really over. I'll never find real love."
- Acceptance. "You know, it really wasn't working out. Time to move on and find someone better."
Sometimes you can jump around and go back and forth between different stages, and sometimes you can spend a lot longer in one stage than an other. These days, I mostly skip denial-I'm so used to breakups that I just kind of jump right into Anger. I don't spend a lot of time in bargaining for that same reason-it doesn't do any good-so while I generally touch on those still I mostly go right into Anger, Depression, and Acceptance-and I'm okay with this.
I think it's definitely healthier to stay a little mad. No, you definitely shouldn't hold onto the anger that hurts you, the kind that eats away at you should be let go of, but you do need to hold onto the memory of why you were angry. This came up in my feed on Facebook the other day:
When I was in my early twenties I used to think you could be friends with all of your exes (except my one stalker, but that's another story for another day.) It wasn't until my mid to late twenties that I started realizing that being friends with exes generally is a bad idea. Sure, sometimes it works out fine-but those are the exceptions and not the rules.
When you love someone, real honest-to-goodness love, you never truly and completely stop loving them. You love them less, you move on and love someone more, but there's always a small part of you that remembers why you loved them-and that part of you can so often easily be fooled if they're part of your life, and that makes it hard to every fully and truly move on. I've given more second chances than I'm proud to admit to, and they always end the same-with a strong reminder of why the relationship failed the first time, and why I should have burnt that bridge before it could be crossed again and instead end up burning me. Twice.
So I agree. Some bridges should just be burned, and sometimes you just have to be an unapologetic b*tch about it.
This week's song:
Unapologetic B*tch
by Madonna
Note: This song is explicit so if you don't like that please skip listening or reading the lyrics below.
Woke up this morning feeling good that you were gone
Hurt for a while but I'm finally moving on
Said it, did it, hit it, quit it-then you let it go
See you trying to call me but I blocked you on the phone
It took a minute but by now I'm feeling strong
It almost killed me but I'm better off alone
Now you say you're saying that you're sorry-I don't wanna know
Better face the fact you had to go
It might sound like I'm an unapologetic b*tch, but sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I'm an unapologetic b*tch, but sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
You know you never really knew how much you loved me til you lost me, did you?
You know you never really knew your selfish bullsh*t cost me, but f*ck you.
It might sound like I'm an...
It might sound like I'm an...
I know you'd like it if I sat at home and cried
But that ain't gonna happen here's the reason why
When we did it, I'll admit it, wasn't satisfied
When the gun was loaded you were never on my side
I'm poppin' bottles that you can't even afford
I'm throwing parties and you wont get in the door
Said it, did it, loved it, hated it-I don't care no more
Tell me how it feels to be ignored
It might sound like I'm an unapologetic b*tch, but sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I'm an unapologetic b*tch, but sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
You know you never really knew how much you loved me til you lost me, did you?
You know you never really knew your selfish bullsh*t cost me, but f*ck you.
It might sound like I'm an...
It might sound like I'm an...
Yeah, whoa, yeah, whoa, yeah, whoa, yeah, whoa
It might sound like I'm an...
It might sound like I'm an...
It might sound like I'm an unapologetic b*tch, but sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I'm an unapologetic b*tch, but sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
You know you never really knew how much you loved me til you lost me, did you?
You know you never really knew your selfish bullsh*t cost me, but f*ck you.
It might sound like I'm an unapologetic b*tch, but sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I'm an unapologetic b*tch, but sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I'm an...
It might sound like I'm an...
Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky. Then you can enter the monthly giveaway and visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:
- Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
- Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
- Link-up in the linky below.
- Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.
- Enter the Giveaway below.
This month I'm giving away a $15 Amazon Gift Card. Giveaway is open Worldwide and ends on 5/1/15 at 12AM.
Those are super easy places to get stuck on unfortunately. I'm headed over to check your post now!
ReplyDeleteI'll have to listen this on my drive home. I totally agree with the quote.. I wish I would have done that with this one ex. Would have saved me so much heartache :(
ReplyDeleteI think I've always been a bridge-burner, but I do have varying degrees of how much I've cut off exes. I'm still friends with my college boyfriend's wife because she and I were in the same Bible study and he and I are no longer attracted to one another. I'm also friends with an ex I used to work with because it is so obvious to both of us now that a relationship would have been a complete disaster!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Yes. I've had to learn the hard way the last few years that sometimes you just have to distance yourself from people.
ReplyDeleteGreat song and a great message. Sometimes you DO have to burn those bridges. I learned that the hard way once upon a time.
ReplyDeleteMarron 5
ReplyDelete