If You'll Stay in My Past {Musical Mondays}

What is Musical Mondays? 

Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where we share a song we're into for the week, and talk about why we like it-or why it effects us.

This week's song:
If You'll Stay in My Past 

(Parts 1, 2, & 3) by Maria Mena

(Part 1)

I understand 

You need to switch the rules around and despise me for the fact that we did not last

And I will be your punching bag

If you'll stay in my past

I understand

To want to have a mature dialogue is too much to ask

And I will be your one regret 

If you'll stay in my past.

(Part 2)

I understand, 

You delude yourself and sleep with a different girl each night, in order to recover fast

And I will let you cheapen sex

If you'll stay in my past

I understand

That we can never speak again

And your resentment towards me will last

And I will let you forget me

If you'll stay in my past

(Part 3)

I understand

That you will one day love again

And that it's selfish for me to want to ask

If you can only live off the memory of me

So please stay in my past.

I don't know what it is lately with people from the past popping up, especially exes, but this song immediately comes to mind this week.

A week or two ago I received a Facebook friend request from my very first ex, DF.  I just looked at it and went "Errr... I don't know" and when I didn't add him he sent me a message stating that a lot had been happening and he'd like to talk to me.  After some debating about whether to reply or not, and then some debating about how to reply if I were to do it, I settled on "Hey, what's up?" to keep it simple and await his response to see how crazy it would be.  The last time we really talked (many years ago, even though we've had some contact since-we didn't really talk) he told me how he'd tried to kill himself and he was so upset he ever let me go.  That is when I knew I had to put some distance between us-because it didn't take long after my heart started mending to realize I was incredibly grateful he did.

When he responded last week he told me he'd rather talk to me in person, and that the short of it was that he was having legal trouble and "didn't have much time."  Nope.  I have a lot of compassion for him because of what he once was to me, and because of everything he's been through-he had a very rough and abusive childhood, and he's dealt with mental instability most of his life; but there is no way I'm getting sucked into anything again.  The thought of it makes my stomach hurt.  I can't do it.  I wont do it.

Not only that but there is talk of another ex wanting to make contact and be friends again.  This is the big one, the one that broke my heart more than any other and treated me terribly in the end.  The one that still hurts sometimes, and the one with the kids I'd grown to love as my own only to have them taken out of my life due to it.  He makes comments to mutual friends about how he'd maybe like to be soft of friends with me again but he's burned those bridges.  He chose to cut not only me out, but a lot of those close to me out, and none of us want to do it again.  I told said mutual acquaintances that if he came back and apologized for how he treated me I'd consider it, but I know him to well.  I know that he will never in a million years apologize, or even consider that he was in the wrong, so I know I don't have to worry about it.

Exes really should stay in your past.

What are you listening to this week?

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