I Blame Death.

Wow, I'm feeling a little blog-blocked lately.  
I stare at the screen and have no idea what to write about, even within the Meme.  It took like 2 hours to decide what song to use for my Musical Mondays yesterday, which is weird because I generally have a million songs that I'm madly in love with and want to share.  I'm just at a loss.

I blame death.
My very dear and loved friend lost her mother this weekend.  It was sudden.  She was at my house hanging out with my roommate (I was elsewhere) and just got a phone call saying her mother had collapsed.  She rushed to the hospital where the doctor said it had most likely been instant.  It was a heart attack-incredibly sudden, as she was likely gone before she even hit the floor.

I can only imagine how my friend must feel.
To lose your mother is a very hard thing, especially when she's so young.  My heart breaks for her, her sisters, and her father.  Their loss is something that I don't even want to contemplate.  I want to run to her and help in someway-but she's fiercely independent. All I can do is send love, and go support her at the memorial party they're having Thursday night.

To top it all off, her aunt had just died and had her funeral the week before. :(

That's not the only instance of death recently.
My boss' very close friends just had a horrible tragedy.  They didn't know that the two year old had gotten out of the house, and the mother accidentally backed over the two year old in the minivan.  She didn't survive it.  The mother is prone to miscarriages, and they had to heavily sedate her so she wouldn't lose the baby in her grieving.  My boss posted something on facebook and said to  "Please send prayers to the family" and she left a comment saying she couldn't eat or sleep, all she wanted was her baby back.

It completely ripped me open.
I can't imagine ever having to go through that, and on some level I think I'd probably rather commit suicide than live with the guilt (even though it was an accident-and I know that's not the proper response to the situation) because it is something that wound haunt me forever.  It wasn't her fault, but no mother is going to listen to that-we as human beings have such strong consciences, and the guilt level with anything with your children is high-let alone losing one in such a way.  It's also very sad that she may not get to grieve as much as she needs, because she has to be strong for her other children.  That poor woman.  I just want to hug her and help her feel better.

Read the article on this tragic accident HERE.

This whole thing has me in some kind of funk.
Life is so incredibly short, and we don't often times tell people often enough how much we appreciate them, or how much they mean to us-and then they're gone.  They're gone, and I don't want to be left there with a handful of "could've, should've, would've-s" and a heart full of regret. Regret for all of those times I could have pulled my loved ones in for a tight hug, but let it slide.  For all those times I should have said "I love you." instead of getting angry, or not calling because I hate the phone, or be left thinking "I would have, had I had the chance."

I do have the chance.
I'm going to be better at telling everyone in my life just how much they matter to me.  I want them to feel how special they are, so that if I die tomorrow-they know they were loved, and (god forbid) one of them dies unexpectedly, I don't have to feel guilty-I can grieve and miss them. I pray that I don't have to go through that, that no one I love does, but sometimes it happens-and that's part of life.  Part of Life; not part of death.  We need to remember to live,and to love fiercely and fully.

I love you all.

You have no idea how much you mean to me.

Each and every one of you.