Ah, Weekly Writing Prompts, how I have missed you...
The choices this week are:
- Choose a word that encompasses 2010 and describe why. What word will you choose to be your theme for 2011?
- If the way you spent your New Year's Eve is any indication of how the rest of the year will go, how would you say your future is looking right about now?
- Drunk.
- What happened in 2010 that you'd rather not repeat?
- Read and Respond: "If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up." ~J.M. Power
Most of the time I can find one thing out of all five I'd like to write about, sometimes none of them inspire me, and every so often I want to write about every one of them. This week, I'm inspired by almost all of them, so I'll try and include it in my entire post.
A word that encompasses 2010
How can I choose just one? So much happened and the entire year was a big jumble of emotions, life changes, new experiences and nothingness. Ok, that's the word I'll use. Jumble.
My word for 2011
Hmmm... Thinking about what I want from this year, it's a bit hard to simplify it all into one word to describe it... I'm going to go with... Dedication. This year I plan to stick to my guns and follow through on everything I've been telling myself to do for years. I will be dedicated to everything that I want, and I will follow through.
If I let the way I spent New Years Eve determine the way the rest of my year went I might off myself. Well, maybe not entirely, I did get to include a handful of my great friends that I loved. However the rest of it (aside from the awesome friends) was kind of crap. A: No New Years Kiss would indicate another love-free year, and I just don't think I can handle that. I spent all of last year running away from romance out of fear, and damnit-a girls gotta have a little something to spice up her life! AND B: I spent like an hour and a half being an emotional drunk and crying. First in the bathroom by myself (because it was yet another New Years Eve the same as last year, just like another Christmas the same as last year... Not exactly the same, just that I always say I'm not going to be single and sad "next year" but here I am in the same place) then crying with my david, and finally the roommate and I crying on the bed... It was kind of a downer party and HELL NO, I am not having another downer year. 'Nuff said.
Drunk
Not enough. Or maybe too much. It's hard to make that distinction.
What happened in 2010 that you'd rather not repeat?
I was going to say "bad relationships" but then I remember I had no relationships. I went on 4 (maybe 5-should I feel bad for the guy I can't remember but kind of think might be there?) dates the whole year. Wait, I just remembered who #5 was. My New Years Date. Ok, I'll count him. #1-So my New Years kiss was awkward last year. Word of warning-never take a straight date to a party full of gays on the second date. It was so awkward. #2-Seemed like a great guy, but it didn't click-and let's face it I was too scared to do anything at that point (which is pretty much how I spent the rest of the year) #3-Was actually mentally disabled... #4-Seemed like a nice guy, but I slept with him on the first date and the second date (my only sex all year) and then he did his disappearing thing. It's my fault for being easy-it had just been such a long time... I don't think he was ever looking for much more either.
So I guess I'd choose not to repeat that. No more one-night-(or even two-night)-stands. Also, no more being afraid of dating, I need to be able to put my heart out there when it's time. I need to get back the confident and proud version of me that I seemed to have lost over the last year... In past years I could always count on loving myself even when a relationship ended. I never lost my "other fish in the sea" mentality, and I kept asserting myself and feeling confident that a new learning experience was just around the corner. Somewhere throughout 2010, I lost that. I feel afraid of everything to do with intimacy. I'm afraid of first dates. I'm afraid of having a boyfriend. I'm afraid of rejection. Probably because I keep rejecting myself and putting myself through hell because I can't seem to date a nice guy. I keep falling for these guys in the "nice guy" costume, and then they take it off and I'm left with the asshole actor underneath.
"If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up." ~J.M. Power
It's time to wake up. This is me pouring a proverbial bucket of ice water on myself. I've been laying in bed just dreaming about what I'd like to happen. Here I've been, with my head on the pillow, thinking to myself "I'd like to be thin and fit" and then laying there lazily and not sticking with my diet changes or exercise regimens. Contemplating and murmuring "I'd like to fall in love" but never putting myself out there to even begin the process. I spent nearly all of 2010 hermitting away in my bed filling my head with dreams that I never acted on, and this year-it's time to wake the fuck up. (I feel so strongly about it, that I felt it truly warrented the fuck word)
Time to wake up.
Time to wake up.
Time to wake up.
I'm waking up. This is my year. Dedication, dedication, dedication. DEDICATION!!!
How about you?
Do you feel a wake up coming on?
What's your word for the year?
Sometimes you have to get angry to get motivated. And that sometimes means using the "f" word. If we aren't angry enough, we get complacent. Sounds like that is where you were. But you aren't there now. So, stay motivated. Of course, it will be nice when something other than anger propels you toward your goals. Hopefully, once you start eating better and exercising and you lose that first 15 pounds, it will feel SO GOOD, that will be the thing that will make you want to carry on. It will feel incredible to be 15 pounds lighter. Wow. How much easier is it move now? My clothes fit so much better. When I lose another 15 pounds, I will get to buy new clothes (yay!) because all of my old ones will be too big. Shopping spree! But not a huge one, because I am still going down! It is awesome to be able to reward yourself with fun new clothes every time you break those goals and go down another size. Plus you feel so much better. My friend Chris, at A Deliberate Life, has been on a weight loss journey for over a year and has lost over 100 pounds. It is totally possible. She says to start out by doing what you know you can do best. If you know that you can commit to exercise every day and not falter than focus on that. That doesn't mean to not change your eating habits, but to adjust those more slowly or give yourself more of a break there in the beginning. If you know you can count calories and do that like a zealot. Then that is what you do and never waiver. Walk as much as you can. Eventually, your exercise program will become as strict as your eating one. But pick what you are good at and hang your hat on that. Now, I will suggest that you follow her blog. She has a tab called where I started. Excellent read. And she is a very inspirational daily read. She also has links to many other folks on weight loss journeys. You might want to check some of those blogs out. I am rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteYou ran the whole gambit of emotions for the year. Having a good cry on New Year's eve is mandatory, I believe. When I was single I use to have a good cry thinking I was going to be single forever. Some years that was true.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you are able to see the good and the bad in your year.