Sorry For the Negativity

I guess, before I get this pity party started, I should apologize for the negativity in advance.  So... I'm sorry. However, I think you all deserve an excuse as to where I've been lately...

I've been trying so very hard to remain my usually optimistic and positive self; but I'm at my breaking point right now.  Lately, I've been making an effort not to talk about work on my blog, even though it gets mentioned here now and again; I've kept a lot of the details private.  Today, I think I'll go ahead and share a few of those details.  I do so, in hopes that you'll all understand why I have been slacking when it comes to leaving comments on your blogs and updating mine with actual content and not filler.  I love quotes and pretty pictures, but let's face it-it's been my excuse to not have to sit down and write.

When my last job was about to lay me off (most of you remember me praying for them to keep me) I took another job as a "just in case" scenario.  That scenario became reality as they didn't keep me on at the end of the season, with which it turned into an "until I find something better, or the last job takes me back" job.  I severely disliked it from the very start, but kept telling myself something better would come along.

The reasons I don't like it?  A: The facility is severely ghetto, and I don't say that lightly.  The grounds are covered (and I do mean literally covered) by several thousand cigarette butts that never get cleaned up and the bathroom is disgusting and too often stalls are unavailable do to used sanitary supplies and clogged toilets.  AND B: The pay is pretty low for training, and then it turns into performance based pay.  Now, I like to give it all I have, so I should do pretty well... BUT, it's also the type of job where you're only being paid for the time on a call.  If I'm at work on time, sitting there waiting for a call to come in and it's slow, I'm not getting paid.  This has me severely stressed. 

Well, in the course of looking for something else, an old manager from an old job of mine (from 2 years ago) emailed me to say they'd fired some of the upper management that had outsourced the company to India, and they wanted to hire me back.  I applied, interviewed, and was told I had done very very well.  They called and offered me the job.  No benefits, but the raise in pay was significant enough to make up for any of that.  I accepted.  The next day they called and changed their minds.  I was pretty upset...

Luckily for me, the very same day they reneged on their offer, my most recent job called and told me to reapply for the new positions they had available, and so I did.  I am now waiting for their reply with strong hopes and crossed fingers.  I would very much like to go back to work there, and I know that my most recent experiences will make me one of the most grateful employees they have.  I don't think I'll take my job for granted ever again, if I can only get one I like.  I like that company.  I like the product, and I know it well enough to do a good job and continue to learn more.

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about my work situation right now, and I kind of want to go curl up in bed and hide from it all... However, I can't. Ever the responsible one, I'll keep trekking back and forth to a job I hate, while searching diligently for one that I can really shine in.  I'm an excellent employee.

Keep your fingers crossed for me friends, and please be patient with my absence and lack of comments.  I'm still here and reading, I just sometimes don't have the energy to leave word or write a detailed post... Hopefully when the stress calms down I'll be back in full force.

I love you all!