As a small child, my mother taught me that Jesus said to "forgive and forget" when someone wronged you, and even when I no longer belonged to the religion of my parents, that thought hung in the back of my mind. Sometimes forgiveness can be the hardest thing to come by, especially when the hurt is still fresh in your mind. Oh, but how freeing it can be as well; not only for the the person you're forgiving, but also for your own sense of well being.
However, while this idea is in the back of my head, I don't completely agree with it. Forgiving, yes. Forgetting? No way. If you were to forget the bad things people do to you, or the negative ways they treat you, then you allow yourself to be treated that way again. You allow those things to keep happening to you, and you just end up in a twisted cycle. So no, I wont forget, but I will forgive.
This week, I let the forgiveness in. Something along the way urged me to extend a peace branch, and even if it was refused-I still feel accomplished. The peace and good energy was put out there, I tried to speak to him in a normal sense, and he wasn't having it. Now, that is on him, and no longer on me. If he wishes to continue to hold a grudge and be angry about it, so be it. However, I will no longer carry these negative burdens around with me. Life is too short to hold onto things like this; it's time to move on.
Also, the woman in the office that he's seeing now (you know, the one that caused so much drama by running her mouth about me and also things she's done to the other ex) was in tears the other day because everyone has ostracized her. We all know what she's done to people, and in that sense no one wants to be her friend and she's feeling it now, and for some reason I feel a little bad about it.
By all means, it's only a little bad because some of it seems very much deserved, but blame it on my bleeding heart, I hate to see another human so desperate for a friend that she'd break down and cry at work. So I did what any good-natured human being (or maybe just someone with the remnants of a savior complex that can't stand to see people hurting) would do-I forgave her and passed it through the grapevine that I didn't hate her. Also, when she came and asked me a question Saturday morning, I smiled warmly and responded as sweetly as possible in hopes of showing her that not everyone hates her. Perhaps, if someone who she's actually wronged can show her kindness, everyone else will follow suit...
Besides, I have a feeling she's going to need some friends eventually, because she's bound to end up like those of us who have already been there.
In any case, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest, and I feel so much better about the entire thing. Work doesn't seem as dreadful as it did, and I feel like my old self again-the me who can't hate anyone.
What do you guys think? Is it weird that I feel good about making someone happy who wronged me? Do you have any stories of times you had to forgive someone and realized how much it made you feel better? Any thoughts on "forgive and forget"?
Please share, I'd love to hear it!
I think you did a good thing - something that's not easy. But I definitely agree with the "forgive, but remember" mantra. It's a way to protect yourself.
ReplyDeleteThats good =]
ReplyDeleteIm glad you feel better about it too.
I dont like having the awkward enemy energy stuck on me either. =] number one thing to remember in life is it GET HAPPY! anyway you can or anything you can do to make yourself feel better is a huge step closer to everything you want! <33
Im happy for you hun
I must be jacked up or something because I still hate her and I don't care if she's all sad... she needs to be nice if she wants people to be nice. I'm a hater though... After all, I do hate your face!!
ReplyDeleteI didn't even see this posted here until just now. I love this post. You know about my MOST recent forgiveness story, I think. (By the way, I responded to your comments. I'm not sure if they let you know on this site *shrug*) But I'll share another one. You know how at the nightclub on Saturday, my professor's daughter was there with a friend? The friend was my old roommate, and we did not get along at the end, though we had previously been pretty good friends. She and I have actually been exchanging a few words here and there at school this term. But at the club Saturday, I actually went up and said hello to her. It was one of the best feelings. I love the feeling that you get when you're with a person you've had bad dealings with and you suddenly realize that it doesn't matter anymore. I will probably never trust her or be close to her again, but I'm finally open again. I've had a lot of weight fall off me this weekend, too. It totally rocks.
ReplyDeleteYou know you have a great point there when you said, you would forgive but not forget. And I don't need to say more on the fact you present that if you forgive and forget you could subject yourself to the risk of being treated the same way and perhaps by the same people again.
ReplyDeleteJust a couple of weeks back I attended the engagement of my brother-in-law. He had invited a couple of people who had wronged me, who had insulted me and they had also insulted his own parents. I wondered, "what's wrong with this guy?" But I felt this urge to forgive and talk, but what I got in return for this magnanimity was a frown and a response that was best not given. But, like you, I feel that it is on them now and not on me. After what they had done, I did have the heart to forgive them. I feel good about myself.
And, it is lovely to see my blog listed in the "Beautifully Written Blogs" widget here. Thanks a million for that. I am honoured.