Dear So & So: Screw Men, I'll Marry Coffee.

Dear Body,

I know I'm not giving you enough sleep, but I'm having a hard time getting used to the new schedule at work.  I don't like having to get up so early, because when the time comes to go to bed early (like 9PM-WTF is that?) I am not tired and don't want to turn in while other people are still having fun.  Can you just get used to less sleep?  I promise to keep taking my vitamins and to load you up with lots and lots of caffeine... We all know how much you like that! 

Signed,
The Brain

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Dear Coffee,

Thank you so very much for your existence.  You seriously make each morning a much better place.  If you ever cease to exist, I may throw myself off of a bridge.

Signed,

Coffee Addict

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Dear Isha,

Thought I'd stop by and say hello formally, and tell you that you are COMPLETELY right!  Men do seem to be unable to comprehend anything of importance!  What the hell is wrong with some of them?  Anyway, it's been fun chatting with you, we should hang out sometime!

Signed,

A New Friend

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Dear Soggy Rotten Mango,

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT in charge, so shut your trap and mind your own business.  Maybe if you did what you were supposed to be doing, instead of making excuses, you wouldn't need to stick your fugly crone nose in everyone else's business.  That bullshit you pulled the other day when it was not your place?  Fuck off.  I'm serious.  I started out feeling sorry for you because I know what lies just down the path a little... However, I feel nothing more than an intensely dark humor at the thought of what may come, and you're bringing it on yourself.  I don't even need to acknowledge it or take part, just sit back and watch. 

Also, pretending to be her friend so you could get info on the guy she was in love with and then screwing him behind her back?  Lowest of the low.  You two go great together, I hope you make each other equally miserable you old hag.

Signed,

I'm Disgusted by Your Mere Presence.

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Dear Asshole (You don't even deserve your nickname anymore),

For someone who hates lies so much, you are the king of liars.  Aren't mirrors interesting?  People always hate the things  that they hate most about themselves.  I gave you the benefit of the doubt, I trusted you when you asked for it, and it turns out every god-damned little thing was a complete lie.  You're a con artist, and if you think you'll continue on like that without any problems, you're naive.  Karma is a bitch, buddy, and I'm pretty sure it's coming for you.  There will never be any need for revenge, because we can move on, and the Universe will take care of the whole thing for us.  We will just be there with popcorn. 

We?  Yeah, not only did I find out that pretty much everyone around here thinks you're a super douche-bag, but I'm making particularly nice friends with your ex... You know the one I mean right?  The one you were with for seven years and abruptly kicked to the curb so you could get your skank on?  Have fun with the venereal diseases that are coming your way.

Oh, and you two definitely deserve each other.  You'll break her heart with your slutty-ho-bag ways, and then she'll bring you down and probably end up sending you to jail.  For future reference, it may be best to not tell the chicks you're sleeping with about your illegal activities; even more, maybe you shouldn't piss-off people who know of such activities.  I'm just sayin'...

Signed,

I'm Gone and You're Invisible Now.

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Dear Coworkers I Sit By,

Yes, that would mean Andy, Tori and Josie.  You three pretty much rock-my-socks off and make the day so much better!  Thanks for the laughs!

Signed,

One of the FOUR Musketeers!

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Dear Heather,

I hate your face.  Which really means I love you to pieces.

Signed,

IHTC & VUATC

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Dear Roommate,

I cannot possibly fathom my life without you.  You are so extremely brilliant, and moving in with you was the best thing I could have ever done.  We get along so well, and it was the best decision I've ever made.  Thank you so much for all that you do, and for being the person who keeps me grounded when I start to get a little crazy. 

I love you more than I can ever possibly describe; you're a part of my family forever.

Signed,

Me

P.S.  You're kids did so well last night and I was seriously impressed with how it all came together!  To have that many kids, especially when some didn't necessarily want to be in a musical theater class, and have it turn out that well... I'm impressed!  You're amazing!

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Dear Readers,

I can't forget you lot!  You are awesome-sauce!  Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to listen to my random ramblings and ventings... I love you all infinitely!

Also, run on over to Kat's Three Bedroom Bungalow to read some more letters!

Signed,

This Lowly Blogger

***Disclaimer*** I did not write this to be angry, more funny... It's things I've wanted to say for a while, and I thought they were actually quite hilarious.  Please enjoy the terminology.  Also, I have no intentions of doing anything or taking any sort of action.  I'm just done with the situation, and laughing about it.  Have fun!