Musical Mondays: Tightrope

Walking away from someone you love, even knowing they don't love you back in the same way, is made even more difficult by knowing how hard it is to find anything good out there.  Dating is a rough venture, and giving your heart out to someone is never an easy task.  So when you do give your heart out, whether you intended to at that point or not, it's no light thing.  It's a rough task, and doing it requires a lot of bravery that can take a lot to build up.  So giving it out again after you've already given it out once can feel damn near impossible.

That's why I chose the song Tightrope by Kelly Clarkson for this week's Musical Monday song.  When I heard this song on the new album Piece by Piece (which is my current obsession-I've been listening to it over and over again in the car) I cried.  It hit home.  Especially when she says "'Cause I've looked, and I ain't seen nothing like you the way you light up every room..." and it's true.  Especially when you've been out there a long time and you've spent a lot of your life looking for someone special... It's hard to think you'll ever find someone like them, or someone that feels that special to you... Especially when no one before has felt quite like that before.

But then she goes on to say "And I have moved mountains babe just to stumble into your good grace and I, I still can't compete..." and you have to remember all the work you've put into it without it matching.  All the time you spent giving and traveling and working towards it without actually making much of a difference for the other person.  Without actually making them want to do the same for you back.  That's when you have to look at it and weigh the benefits vs. the cost it takes on your heart.  Yes, it'll hurt to walk away, but is it going to hurt as much or more if you stay and keep trying and never getting anywhere?  You have to decide which is worse, and what will be better for you and your heart in the long run.

Here, have a listen:

This week's song:

Tightrope

by Kelly Clarkson

I'm on the tightrope, you've got your reasons

When did it get so hard to breathe?

Out in the spotlight I'm feeling so tired

Your hands are burnt from holding me

And maybe you and I will fall in time eventually

Maybe we'll both die trying but I can't bring myself to leave

'Cause I've looked

And I ain't seen nothing like you

The way you light up every room tonight, so easily

And I have moved mountains babe just to stumble into you good grace

And I, I still can't compete

You're on the tightrope, I've got my reasons

How did we get so tangled?

You turn, I stay straight-I bandage, you break

We're so messed up but I know

That you and I will fall in time eventually

Or maybe we'll both die trying

And I ain't seen nothing like you

The way you light up every room tonight, so easily

And I have moved mountains babe just to stumble into you good grace

And I, I still can't compete

Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh

Oh you and I will fall in time eventually

Or maybe we'll both die trying

And I ain't seen nothing like you

The way you light up every room tonight, so easily

And I have moved mountains babe just to stumble into you good grace

And I, I still can't compete

See?  Doesn't that song just show you the emotion that comes with making a decision like that?  She talks about how hard she keeps waiting for it to just "fall in time eventually" or how they might just "both die trying."  

That's how it feels.  Waiting for someone to love you back as much as you love them, even if maybe you "weren't supposed to" fall in love with them in the first place, can really feel like this.  You're always just hoping that one day they'll ask you to be with them.  Hoping beyond home that they'll change their mind about wanting something real and just ask-because they love you.  They always loved you.

But that's a pipe dream.  We have to learn to take people at their word.  If they told us right from the beginning that they didn't want it to ever become something serious; well then we need to believe them.  I don't know why so many of us think we can go into something like that and not get attached, or why once we are attached we don't believe that they meant what they said originally, because they did.  They meant every word.  We're the ones that tried to change the bargain, and it's on us to remember that we may be the ones that have to make the decision to walk away, no matter how much we love that person.  

And maybe that person does love us back, but loving us back doesn't mean they have changed-or will ever change-their minds about what they want.  It also doesn't mean that they love us back in the way we want them to.  So there comes a time when we have to accept that, give the dream we thought we had for that love one last embrace, and then move on with our lives.  I think that we can only start moving on once we've accepted what we feel and that it won't be what we need.  Then the process can start and we an start working towards finding what we deserve-even if it's with someone else.

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