Twitter: Vaginas and Alcohol?

One of Mama Kat's Writers Workshop prompts today is "Compile a list of your favorite tweets."  So here they are... My favorites that I tweeted.  I hope you enjoy them.

It's called a break-up because it's BROKEN. How simple, and how true!

"The foolishness of that comment can only be ascribed to Higher Education!"

Anyone want a Poopsie Cola? A new study shows 48% of fountain drinks have fecal matter in them.

Be professional at work Cunty McCunterson. When working, don't be a bitch because of your personal beef with me.

I gave up soda except for with alcohol. Which is why when I wanted the sprite sitting there, I made sure to put some Vodka in it.

Je ne sais pas quoi faire de ces sentiments.

This singles awareness party is quickly turning into an "Angie's the 5th wheel" party.

Oh, Chas wants to know if I want to do Fire and Ice shots tomorrow. ARE YOU F*CKING CRAZY?!?!?!? Don't you remember last time?!?!?!?!?!

I would sew my own vagina shut before I'd get back together with that one...

I keep yelling the answers at the stupid lady on my french lesson CD. "avez vou, you stupid bitch!" I hate her.

This Creme Brulee is better than sex. OMG Kristina, I think I'm in love with you.

"A cheater only cheats himself, because he doesn't get to be with YOU."

Yes, it's a vitriolic screed and I'm ok with that. :)

I have to start thinking with my brain, and not my vagina. My vagina makes bad decisions.

Kisses are the sweetest kind of torture! Especially when it's a 4 and a 5 year old "attacking" me with them. ♥

 "I would love to be one of those people who's all 'we loved, thank you, you've enriched my life now go prosper' but I'm more 'we didn't work out, you need to not exist.'" (this was 2 together)

Is it wrong that with all this heat we're having, I'm really glad I sleep alone?

I haven't been surrounded by this many teenagers since I was a teenager. Holy puberty batman!

I really hope I die by being encased in chocolate. How unique!

“Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache; do be my enemy - for friendship's sake” - William Blake

Got stuck reading Damn You Auto Correct and laughing so hard while my roommate looked me like I was nuts. Better put it away.

Kahlúa in my coffee? Yes please! Might as well get started early!

Be abstinent. Sex turns straight people gay and gays into mexicans!

Help! I'm trapped in a car full of DORK! :P

How sad is it that upon seeing my chair empty, my coworkers thought I was dead rather than out to lunch? :/

Thanks Bones, now I never want to drink wine EVER AGAIN. /gag.

Lady Gaga Christmas music was horrifying. I feel... Dirty... Like my ears and brain need a good scrubbing.

Jesus doesn't love me... But he thinks I have a great personality!

Who would you rather be eaten by? A bear or your parents?

J:Meth was used 4 weight loss. Me:I'd be skinny & the house would be clean. J:You wouldnt have a toothbrush. Me:I wouldnt NEED a toothbrush!

***Thou shalt not have a crush on your superior that lives in another country.***

Me: Yep, my nose definitely hurts. Josh: Well you just shoved a steel rod through it! Me: True.

I would just like to say: Groundhogs do not actually predict weather. Thank you, that is all.

Well I feel dumb. Years of working in Technical Support and I didn't realize my modem had a standby button.

I told you groundhogs couldn't forecast the weather. DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW???? :P

I can't understand a word of this movie... But I know I want that French lady's gigantic earmuffs!

After checking in at the Liquor Store, Foursquare said "3 more days and you'll be the mayor" What do you take me for?!?!

"No true church would leave you unconsoled..."

Whatever. Shut up. You think it's hot.

2 hours in this place is enough birth control to keep me from ovulating for a year...

"You Fergie-d me! AAHHHH" -Meggy

I think that sometimes we grow away from certain people in order to become closer to others.

Random gay guy: (pointing at Ken) is he gay? Me: nah, he just likes to pretend. Random gay guy: Do you know what we call that? GAY!

Note to self: don't eat chili verde while watching Bones scoop chunky human goo out of a tanning bed. Ew.

Movie Description: "Certain the trip will rehabilitate Silas, Camille remains enthusiastic -- even after she dies in a crash." WHAT?

"Now Silas must deal with Camilles denial about her death & her slow decomposition David Carradine co-stars in this quirky romantic comedy."

Is it weird that a lot of my favorites are about alcohol or my vagina?

Follow me.  

You know you wanna.

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