After three years of casual dating and small flings, I find myself lacking the practice at relationships. I had one long-term relationship which started in 2004 when I was 18 and ended in 2006 just before I turned 20. Since then there have probably been about 12-15 guys that I would consider dating experience. These are guys that I had a small fling with, or went out with a couple of times, tried to have open relationships with, or some would even classify as a one night stand. They were not, by any means, lasting relationships.
That doesn't mean I don't remember them all pretty well, and chalk them up to experience, it just means that I feel inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Love is a different story. I have always been a person that was capable of opening up and fully loving just about anyone I decided to, and I love all of my friends more than I could possibly explain. Even a few of the "flings" I would admit to have loved some of them, as it is easy for me to love people, and to love whole-heartedly. I do not doubt my ability to love, however I wonder about my ability to function in a proper relationship.
It's not that I don't want to ever have a normal relationships, it's just that for three years it's been a different story, and even before that you could hardly call it functional. So forgive me if I'm a little gun-shy, but I honestly find myself asking "could I really be that girl?" Before, I'd always thought I'd make an awesome girlfriend, so why now the hesitance? Why am I so afraid of failure here?
I think I've just gotten to where it's comfortable for me here. I'm used to this, this is the rythm and the flow that I've settled into. There's no telling who I'll be if I shake that up too much.
Oh well... I guess I just jump and see where I land...
You're a loving person, and what's scary about relationships is when you decide to love someone, unconditionally, totally dedicate yourself to one person, you wonder if that person is going to do the same toward you, and it's scary, cause you never know...that's why it's called "falling in love" you have to fall and hope that they will fall with you...It sucks, cause you have to trust that they won't break your heart in one way or another. You deserved to be loved like you love and if this guy is worth anything, he will love you more than you love him! Good luck "falling"!
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