Both Happy and Sad

I am a very emotional and passionate person. When I feel things, I feel them with every fiber of my being and I soak them up as if it were water on the desert.  I saturate myself with emotions, allowing whatever I am feeling at the time to fill me from head to toe, and then I focus them on one focal point in my chest; the heart chakra.

Sometimes the emotions that I feel building and churning right in the center of my of my being are so strong it is physically painful.  They feel as if they will grow and grow until they finally burst out of my rib cage and leave me open and sprawled out in pieces upon the floor.  Having no desire to be a bleeding, bawling mess, I do my best to swallow them despite the headaches or sour stomach they may induce.  Somehow it seems easier than the explosion that could ensue.

This being the case, it's easy to see how I could be both happy and sad at the same time, and how I could feel those things equally as strong bubbling up inside me.  Sometimes I think to myself "I am so extremely happy" while at the same time simultaneously feeling the urge to cry at the thought of losing that happiness.  Don't get me wrong, I understand and welcome the fact that you need to have times of sadness in order to really appreciate the happiness-but this is different; and I really can't explain how.

All I can do is be me, and keep feeling everything I feel while learning to love myself for it all.