Breath Me

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend

Hold me

Wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breath me

Ouch, I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found

Yeah, I think that I might break

Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend.

Hold me.

Wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breath me

(repeat)

Breath Me - Sia

I'm really feeling this song lately, and it's currently on loop in my ear while I type away at this post.  I've loved this song since I first heard it on the series finale of Six Feet Under, it was a really emotional ending and the song kind of stuck with me.  However, I haven't really listened to Sia for a while, and just got a few of her albums.  I'm reconnecting with this song, and after carefully reading the lyrics, I'm not so sure whether it's good or not.

It's beautiful, the whole song is beautiful... But in that "sorrow is beautiful" way I'm oh-so-familiar with.  I've been so numb for the past while, and listening to this song-I feel something again.  That longing, that ache.  I guess especially after Saturday night where I spent time with people that I love more than life itself. 

There was a moment where I was in on laying on the bed with the roommate and one of our newer friends.  We were all drunk, and mostly goofing off, but it felt really comfortable and warm.  Like family.  Suddenly I feel as if I'm overflowing with emotion, and it seems to be all the emotion I've had tucked away and hidden from myself after the last little while.

These are my people.  So often I feel so broken, so alone, and so afraid of ever standing up and trying again.  It's hard not to feel that way with so many past failures.  So many times where trust has been given, and taken, and then shattered in ways more painful than can be described.  I've given up trying.  Throwing myself into my work, into spending time at home with the roommate, into thinking up new projects, and into hosting parties filled with as many people take the pain away as I can.  

These are my people.  They truly take the pain away.  They wrap me up, they unfold me, they keep me warm and safe and feeling loved.  In turn, I breath them.  I feel them.  I hurt for them and I love them with more love than I ever thought was possible to carry.  I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many vibrant and beautiful people who can push me to be a better person, and love me in spite of all of my flaws and failures.  They can make me feel beautiful when I'm berating myself with negativity, make me feel smart when I feel like all I do is make dumb decisions, call me on my shit when I fail to see it, and hold me up when my heart is to heavy to for me to support.  

I hope you all know, just how much I love you, and how grateful I am that you're part of my life.  Without you guys, I would be a lesser person-an empty shell.  You are beautiful, and you make my life worth living.