This week's song:
I'm Sorry
by Maria Mena
***
To be quite honest-I really think that "spark" or "something special" "some call it magic" thing is bogus. Every time I think I've felt a spark with someone it's never ended well. Love at first sight? Doesn't exist. That thing people thing is the "spark"? Well I think it's just lust-or maybe a good case of the grass is always greener on the other side.
No, I'm not immune to it. I've felt it, sometimes I still think I feel it now and again when I meet someone. But do I trust it? No way in hell.
That's not just me being cynical either, it's an educated conclusion born out of experience. I've dated and dated and dated. I've dated good guys, good guys with horrible circumstances, and I've dated horrible guys. It always ends up in the same place, and those guys I thought I had a "spark" with usually end up there faster. So I try dating guys there's no initial spark with, going with the policy "love comes softly" to let it build and grow-and feelings do start to (if they're decent people deserving of feelings) and somehow they're still stuck on the "spark" theory and just not feeling it. Is that irony? Hmm...
I guess it's all part of growing up. Learning to overlook the silly fairy tale and find someone who is your best friend and lover, and then letting it grow into something more meaningful and true love-esque. Question is, how do I find someone ready to build and grow with me instead of just looking for something better to come along. Someone who thinks I am amazing enough to want to give it a real go with... We'll see. There's time.
He told me he was sorry, and that's fine. I don't hate him, I'm not angry at him-just at the circumstances. The really messed up part is that part of me, for a moment, considered sticking it out because I was enjoying the companionship-but I can't let myself just be someones "for now" girl anymore, no matter how much it sucks to be alone. I want to be a forever girl.
I guess it's all part of growing up. Learning to overlook the silly fairy tale and find someone who is your best friend and lover, and then letting it grow into something more meaningful and true love-esque. Question is, how do I find someone ready to build and grow with me instead of just looking for something better to come along. Someone who thinks I am amazing enough to want to give it a real go with... We'll see. There's time.
He told me he was sorry, and that's fine. I don't hate him, I'm not angry at him-just at the circumstances. The really messed up part is that part of me, for a moment, considered sticking it out because I was enjoying the companionship-but I can't let myself just be someones "for now" girl anymore, no matter how much it sucks to be alone. I want to be a forever girl.
What are you listening to this week?
Link up!
you are going to make someone very happy (for FOREVER) one day. my only love advice is to not look for it, the seconed you stop looking for it, is when it will bit you in the butt. (well that's always been the case for me at least :) i admire and envy your confidence too.
ReplyDeleteI really do feel that some of the best relationships definitely stem from an initial friendship and grow into more. I'm glad you're not settling!
ReplyDeleteI've totally been there. The good news is, there are people who will give you butterflies and lust and that excited hope, YEARS after you meet them. Just because they're awesome. I don't trust that sensation when it's initial, myself, because it's usually circumstantial (like I'm just really lonely then). But I think you're being smart in not cutting off avenues, and just keeping options open and being realistic.
ReplyDeleteAnd also...good for you for NOT being a girl in the wings. You deserve to shine as the leading lady in your own romance! :D
I'm so sorry that things didn't work out this time. You're definitely doing the right thing by deciding not to settle. You're an awesome chick and you need to hold out for a guy who wants to parade you around town because he's so thrilled to be with you (which WILL happen!)
ReplyDeleteI sort of agree with you. I think the "spark" exists, but I think we tend to give it too much weight.
ReplyDeleteI could afford to learn a thing or two from you :)
ReplyDelete