Savior Complex

I've been discussing "Savior Complexes" with one of my very dear friends a lot lately, and having it said that it was thought I was only falling for him because I had a savior complex myself, it has been weighing heavily on my mind. You see, this friend is absolutely amazing, and he has the biggest heart I've ever seen, but to an extreme. He will constantly give everything he has for those he cares about, and never stop to take anything for himself, even when he definitely deserves it.

He's not the only friend I've watched go through this, just the one most prominent in my life right now. In fact, I will fully admit to having had a savior complex in the past. My first few relationships were based somewhat on that need to help, and that complex got me into some serious trouble as well. I am proud to say that after an experience with a damaging ex (which is a long story for another day) I finally learned to take some things for myself and not be taken advantage of. Thinking on that, I can honestly say it was for all the right reasons that I fell for said friend, and be proud of myself for that.

Anyway, at about 1:30am tonight, as I'm writing about the past few days in my paper journal, a thought struck me... It may not be accurate, but it makes valid sense to me, even when I relate it to my past experiences. Let me explain...

People who have a savior complex will most often completely ignore their own needs in order to help others. They will go out of their way to do anything for their friends and lovers, even when they realize they are being taken for granted; they will continue on acting like they don't care that they are constantly being taken from.

Now, in having experienced this before on my own, as well as watching some of my friends go through it, I can see where people with this complex have a massive amount of their own personal trauma and emotional scars. They will undoubtedly pretend those aren't affecting them as they continue on, helping others and ignoring their own damage. All the while, the pain inside gets worse as people continue to take from them, and they start actually believing that they deserve to get treated poorly. Thus, it perpetuates the cycle as they get worse and worse.

Finally, the point! They really want to save themselves! Deep down, they feel like they need saving, yet they're so damaged that they don't know how to deal with it. It's easier to reach out and help someone else with their problems while neglecting their own. However, the need to save themselves is still strong within them, they're just channeling it into what they're doing for other people instead of helping themselves. It stems from self-preservation but quickly turns into self-destruction!

It's so very interesting, the way people work. I can't say that this thought comes to any conclusion, as I still wouldn't be able to tell you how to fix it, but I did find it very interesting and wanted to share my thoughts on it. Right now, I'm seriously contemplating going back to school for psychology. I think I'd really enjoy it.

25 Reminders: Life is Beautiful

Did you know, that I have an amazing life? It may not always be easy, in fact at times it's rather difficult to refrain from laying down and giving up, but that doesn't mean it's terrible. Life is complicated; I have body image issues, financial difficulty, indecision, confusion, loneliness, fear, doubt, loss, heartache, and all of the other things that people experience. However, even through all of this, there are things that remind me that my life is worth living.

Here is a list of some things that remind me that life is beautiful.

1. Amazing friends that are there whenever you need them.
2. Tight hugs when the world seems upside down.
3. Toddlers that say your name over and over again until you're annoyed and finally say "What?!?!?" just so they can respond with "I love you!"
4. Cuddling on the couch, eating junk food and having a QAF marathon with your roomie.
5. Sunday morning breakfast traditions, even when all but one person bails out, because that one person still matters more than they could possibly know.
6. Saturday night game night, sitting around with good friends, joking and competing!
7. French music that you can't understand, but is beautiful none-the-less!
8. Watching a French film and being able to pick out the few words you know, because you're learning the language and get giddy that you can remember things!
9. Old books, the way they smell and the way they look on your bookshelf.
10. Curling up with an inspirational novel, something that lifts your soul, and brightens your day.
11. Wandering through Target, just so you don't have to go home, and so you can spend a few extra minutes talking with a good friend. Whether it's looking for refrigerators or buying twenty dollars worth of jelly beans!
12. Birthday lunches with grandmother's.
13. Getting back to your roots for a day or two/Visiting your family.
14. That feeling of accomplishment when the house is finally clean, or when you finish a huge project that you're proud of.
15. Happiness is a new journal. A beautiful blank journal, just sitting there waiting for you to fill it with your hopes and dreams, lining the pages with memories...
16. Comments on your blogs, photos, pages, anything... Friendly little reminders that people are actually there and paying attention.
17. Songs with lyrics that cut you to the heart, relate to your life, or make you happy when you're feeling blue.
18. Driving. Nothing but you and the open road, music blaring and no destination.
19. Road trips. You and a few friends spending time in a car on vacation. Stopping for snacks, and singing along to musicals at the top of your lungs.
20. Hearing a friend sound more confident when talking about something that used to hurt them more. Listening to their strength and watching with wonder as they grow to new heights and surprise themselves, even though you knew they could do it all along.
21. Knowing that someone noticed little details like the smile in your eyes.
22. Writing again for the first time in years, feeling the creativity flow through you.
23. Walking barefoot through the dirt and grass, feeling the earth beneath your toes and feeling one with the Universe.
24. The first warm sun of spring, bringing the world to life and warming you to the bone.
25. Inside jokes, the kind that make you laugh out loud just because it pops into your head at a random moment.

I encourage anyone reading this to make a list of the top 25 things that remind you to love life... Just thinking about each of these brings a smile to my face, and will cheer me up on my darkest day.

Just re-reading these makes me remember just how much love I have in my heart for those in my life, and how much they truly help to make life worth living. I love you all!

Happy Mother's Day!
I have the best mom in the world!

The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent. - Erich Fromm

Here's to you Mom! For always being there for me as a child and still today. For loving me unconditionally, even when I was trying your patience as hard as I could.

I love you!