My Last Great Grandmother R.I.P

I was always very fortunate growing up to have so many grandparents alive and well.  People always seem very surprised to hear that, I guess it's not common to know your great grandparents or your great great grandparents.  I was even lucky enough to know my great great grandfather (on my dad's side) until I was seven.  He was 99 years old when he passed away and he was such an amazing person that those seven years influenced my life greatly. 

However, as time moves on you become more and more accustomed to the fact we are all mortal, and however lucky you were to have those people in your life, you don't get to keep them forever.  It's both a powerful reminder of your own mortality, and the fact that you should really spend whatever treasured moments you can find with the people who matter to you.  You never know when you'll no longer have those moments, or what you'll learn in those precious fleeting encounters that may forever change your life for the better.  I'm glad I didn't miss those.

My mother shared this photo on her Facebook the day before yesterday.  This was taken at her wedding, when she was just 17 and my dad was 19 with all of their grandparents, and great grandparents.  From Left to right you have (my) Great Grandpa Orson, Great Grandma Bernice, Great Grandpa G, Great Grandma G, Dad, Mom, Great Grandma Delight, Great Grandpa Paul, Great Great Grandma Myrtle, Great Great Grandpa P, Great Grandma C, and Great Grandpa C.  I was lucky enough to have known all of the people in this photo at one point, even if I was very young when some of them died.  As she noted, as of Friday they are all gone now (except my mom and dad.)  Time marches on, and eventually we'll all go.

I barely remember my great great grandfather's funeral.  I was so little, and I think that it's more lucky that I remember more of his life and the times I visited than him in a casket.  I was also very little when I lost my great grandparent's on my grandpa's side, so I retain only memories of two-dollar bills, the cabin, grandma and her shotgun, and grandpa's missing leg.

  

It's been many years now since I lost my grandmother's parent's.  I would have been in my early twenties when they both went and I was very lucky to have almost two decades to get to know them well.  We lived with them for a while when we were children, and I'm so incredibly grateful for those years in their basement.  Years filled with running upstairs to raid grandma's candy drawer or freezer for fudge pops, family reunions at the swimming pool, picking and canning grapes from the vineyard out back, and so much love.  Great Grandpa Orson wen't one night when I was away, and though it was very unexpected Great Grandma Bernice lasted another few years. They loved each other so much, we didn't think she'd get by without him.  I was with her when she died-it was the first time I'd seen anyone die and while it wasn't a bad thing to be there, it is hard to watch someone you love fade away.

In 2011 I lost my Great Grandma Dorothy.  I hadn't been as close to her sadly as the others, but I loved her.

  

It was only a few short months later I lost my Great Grandpa Paul.  He was perhaps the hardest one for me to lose because it came as such a shock.  He was in his late eighties and still riding his bicycle to the store every day.  Even though I had to know it wasn't true, he was so strong I felt like he had to outlive us all.  But he slipped on some ice and fell, and never fully recovered.  Great Grandma Delight was left alone in her great big home.  Great Grandpa always used to say they'd die together, because he never wanted her left without him, but life-and death-has a funny way of screwing up all your plans.

That just left Great Grandma Dorothy, and she did not like being left behind.  She did enjoy all of the time she got to spend with friends and family, especially my brother and sister-in-law who went out of their way to check on her and visit as often as possible.  I'm so glad they were able to do so.  Unfortunately I didn't get up to visit as much as I wish I had, but she was always really excited to see me when I did.

When I last visited her she told me she wanted to die.  She was tired of being stuck at home connected to oxygen and forced to take so many pills, and she missed my great grandfather.  My sister-in-law and I both told her how she should stay because we still all needed her around.  We talked, we laughed, and we met her new in-home nurse Lila, who was amazing with her.

Last Thursday I received a text from my mother around noon at work.  She said Great Grandma Delight would likely not make it long enough for anyone to make it to say goodbye, but my brother was headed over and would let us know.  Shortly after he said she was more responsive and so I left work early to head over.  I was cautious about heading over, hesitant to have her dying be my last memory of her, but when I walked into her bedroom listening to everyone explain that she wouldn't open her eyes but if I told her who I was she would hear me-I learned very quickly that I had to be there.  When I hugged her and told her I was there she opened her eyes and reached for me.  That made everything worth it and I was so glad to be able to be there to say goodbye to her.  I was also glad to be there for the family prayer and the sharing of stories as the family stayed around with her.

Great Grandma Delight passed away at 10:20 AM Friday, the 10th of October 2014.  She was ready to go, but she will be missed, and today we're gathering to honor her.  Safe travels to whatever is next Grandma-I love you.

RIP Pitre

This past weekend we lost Pitre, my roommate's rabbit.  He was very old (9 years) for an un-neutered bunny and life had gotten quite a bit harder for him in old age as he developed arthritis in the last few months and his poor back legs couldn't move as he wanted them to.  We were expecting it, but hoping for any time we had left with this little loved guy-but sometime Saturday he started eating less and getting frustrated with us when we bothered him.  By Sunday morning he'd decided he wouldn't take his medicine or eat or drink any longer, and that's when we knew it wouldn't be long-but he hung on long enough for us to tell him how much we loved him, and refused to go until we were out of the house.

When I got back that evening he was gone.  I knew it the minute I walked in the house-it felt emptier.  I let Josh know he'd gone, and he hurried home.  We wrapped him up lovingly with some of his treats and toys, and some fruit, and an empty bottle of Cognac that we had used to toast his wonderful life.  We smudged the house and lit a candle.  We both took Monday off to bury him, and we drove out to my grandmother's and put him to rest next to some of the world's most-loved pups in her garden.

It's hard to say goodbye, even knowing that he was hurting towards the end so it was better for him.  The house feels emptier, and the urge to go say hi to him when I walk in the door or take him a treat as I'm walking out the door hurts all over again for a minute.  It's amazing how these little furry creatures make their ways into your heart and become part of the family.

I don't know what's on the other side, but it's nice to think that wherever his little bunny soul is-he's running and jumping because his legs are working right again.  I also hope there are all the yogurt treats he could ever dream of.  We'll miss you Pitre!

Beginnings & Endings

First off, Happy New Year! 

I rang in the new year with a handful of close friends, and a lot of booze.

It was small and kind of chill, but with my nearest and dearest friends.

My goal for this year is to live more simply.

Also, sadly I have to say R.I.P. Nimh and Basil.

We left a friend's dog in my apartment while we went to breakfast, and when we came back they were dead.  I didn't see any of the mess, Josh, Doug and Julie were kind enough to make me wait outside while they took care of it.  From what we can figure the dog must have knocked it over and when they ran around he tried to play with them, and being so much larger and them so fragile, it didn't end well. 

They were just a year old and I loved them so.

They were so sweet, loving, and genuinely happy to see me.

My poor sweet little babies.

I'm not sure if I want to get any more now...

Why She Walks

 Hey lovelies, I have an amazing guest post for you today.  It is written from one of my very dear bloggy friends Janna.  Janna is such an amazing human being, and I strive every day to have the compassion and dedication she does.  Not only is she the first to send me a card when I'm feeling blue, but she is out there walking miles and miles in support of friends and family who are fighting one of the hardest fights.  Cancer.  I am simply amazed by her.  

Please take a moment and read this, and if you can help at all it would be greatly appreciated. 

♥ ♥ ♥

My name is Janna and I am participating in my 5th Breast Cancer 3-Day in Washington D.C. in 39 days.

When I sit and think about why I walk…I think about this lady.

This is my friend Dawn.  I have know Dawn for nearly 10 years now…all by chance.  She worked at the corporate office for a company I worked for that was located in Illinois. (I am in Texas)  We created a bond so strong that neither distance nor changes in jobs could break up our friendship.

Dawn is a cancer survivor.  A Breast Cancer Survivor.

So is her sister.

And now her mom Pat started her fight on August 15, 2011

“My mom got through Lymph Node surgery today with 4-5 lymph nodes taken out.  It will be Thursday before she gets results.  She will be undergoing Radiation and the rest of the treatment will depend if it has spread into the Lymph Nodes.”

This family has seen their fair share.  MANY families have seen their fair share. 

Breast Cancer knows no bounds…

I walk for Dawn, her sister AND her mother Pat,  Pam (who beat breast cancer and is now fighting a new cancer battle) Elizabeth, LeeAllan, Louise-Paula, Arthanise (who lost her battle this year), Nancy, Dianne, Mary Ellen, Laurie, Delia's Mom, for my new friend Nancy (who was just recently diagnosed) and for any woman who has ever had to or ever will have to go through this horrible disease.

I also walk for my nieces…Sarah, Ashley, Megan & Mallory.  I walk for Amy’s daughter Jules, so that they may never have to deal with this disease. 

I walk for a cure.  I walk for those who can’t.  I walk for those who lost their battles.  I walk for YOU.

In order to walk I must raise $2300.  I have booked my flight and my hotel room.  I am COMMITED to walk for a cure.  

Can you help me with my fundraising goal?  Every little bit helps.

Please visit my Breast Cancer 3-Day Fundraising site:  www.the3day.org/goto/jannagoestodc

Confessions & Tribute

I Confess...
When I woke up yesterday morning, at my usual time of 6:15am, to find it still dark outside my window-I felt sad.  The passing of time seems to affect me more the older I get.  Isn't it funny how we as children want it to go by quickly-but then as adults we wish it'd slow down?

I Confess...
There have been more funerals in the last year than I've been to for most of my life... There are still a few months more too.  What's up with 2011?

I Confess...
I had a harder time at the funeral yesterday than I expected.  When I was told my great grandpa had died I didn't cry.  The first time I cried was sitting in the viewing room waiting for the family prayer, when my mother told me how she'd spent the night at my great grandmother's house, and how great grandma had crawled into bed with her, and then again when I watched  great grandma cry as they closed the casket. It's just heartbreaking, no matter how old he was or how long life went on-she lost her soulmate after 72 years together.

I Confess...
I always knew what a great man my great grandfather was, but never so much as seeing how many people turned out for his funeral.  Each viewing had hundreds of people-and my grandma said there was only one repeat visitor from the night before.  There was so much love for this person who had affected so many lives throughout the last 91 years.

I Confess...
After I finally stopped the crying at the funeral, we made it to the graveside where they did a military service for him.  The minute they played taps I burst into tears again.  He was an amazing human being, and watching the other service man choke on his words as he presented the flag to my grandma was incredibly touching.

I Confess...
I can only aspire to live a life so full of joy as him.  To be married to someone I love until the day I die, to have family surround me, to help people in need, to have tried everything I had the chance to, to travel, and to love as strongly as he did-well that would be a full life.  Especially to get 91 years of it-one can only hope.  I'll miss him like hell.

I Confess...
All my photos are up from Vacation, if you haven't checked them out, go look!

• San Francisco
• Driving the Coast
• Portland
• Seattle

I Confess...
I saved something more upbeat to be my last confession...

I Confess...
I have a date next week for the first time in a year.  It's also the first time in 2 years that I've actually been excited about dating at all.  We've been texting non-stop for 5 days now, and sex hasn't even been brought up really.  I'm so impressed.  He seems so kind-hearted and down to earth.  I am praying that I like him as much in person-and he likes me too.  I need something good coming my way romantically-it's my turn!

Great Grandpa

RIP Great Grandpa.  I only hope I live a life as full and loving as you did.  

You will be sorely missed.

Great Grandma Dorothy

Smith & Dorothy

Married: September 20, 1939

Reunited: May 4, 2011

From now on, this is how I choose to remember my great grandma Dorothy.  She passed away last Thursday after turning 90 only 2 weeks before.

I have often felt guilty for not knowing her as well as I should. I remember going to her house for Christmas as a child, and her giving us little trinkets... As an adult we saw her in the nursing home (which she hated-she missed her independence and privacy terribly) every year for Christmas.  It's the fact that I didn't know her well enough that leads to the guilt I feel having driven past her rest home at least 3 times a week for the last few months and never stopping.  I didn't even see her this Christmas because time did not allow for it.  :(

The funeral was yesterday, and the good part about that was getting to know a little more about her.  From the stories her other grandchildren told, I learned a little bit more about why my mother is the way she is, and why her mother is the way she is... Because my great grandmother was so similar in her mannerisms and feelings.

Great grandma Dorothy was only 18 years old when she married Smith Young.  They had 6 children and were married for 36 years before he died in 1975. 

The most incredible part?

Great Grandma remained hopelessly devoted to Smith for the following 36 years.

She chose a life of loneliness, and stayed in love with her late husband.

Can you imagine loving someone that much?
Even after they're gone?
How about being loved that much?

Maybe someday...

Goodbye great grandma, I'll always love you.

Mother's Day

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

To the BEST mother:

[my mom and baby sister]

To my amazing grandmothers:

[my grandmother and me]

[my mother and her mother]

To my last great grandmother:


[grandma Delight and my little brother]

TO
My grandma Dottie in Vegas, my grat grandma Bernice who died a few years back.
And to all my aunts, cousins, friends, and other mother's out there.
Whether you gave birth, adopted, or just stepped into that role.
Whether your kids are human or have fur/feathers/scales, etc.


And a special Happy Mother's Day to my great grandmother who didn't quite make it to this Mother's day.  She died last Thursday and the funeral is Tuesday.  Read her Obituary here:

In Memory of an Amazing Woman

Last night I attended a memorial service for a woman I had never met, or even spoken to in my life. It's strange to think how closely our lives may have touched, as her daughter is one of my most dear friends, yet I didn't meet her until after her death.  Her name was Jodi.

I attended the service to support Meg, who is going through a hard time with the loss of her mother, and who I love very much.  She's become like a sister to me over these last few months, and even more so since she started dating my good friend Jon.  Watching her make the tearful rounds last night, with him by her side supporting and loving her, touched me deeply. (it made me cry a little, I'll admit it-but that's a story/post for another day!)

It was also incredible to watch how the events unfolded at the gathering last night, and I found myself with tear filled eyes on several occasions listening to her close friends and family stand up and talk about this amazing woman, and all of the wondrous things she'd done.  Not only had she raised 3 amazing girls, but she was a mom to so many other people who looked up to her and were utterly changed by her.  Even people she'd never met.

Her daughters stood at the podium and read letters that had been emailed to them from all over the world.  Jodi had been an avid Facebook user, and had joined multiple groups.  There was a framed letter sent from a couple of autistic girls in CO who wrote saying that she had changed their lives.  She helped so many autistic children accept themselves, and she touched so many lives all over the world.  The emails sent to her family after her death were numerous, and each and every one of them spoke of a woman who loved fiercely and advocated being the best kind of human being any of us could hope to be.

By the end of the evening, I found myself deeply grieved that I had never had an opportunity to know this woman, and to have my life bettered by her love as well.

However, I count myself very lucky that I get to know and love her through her daughter, who is an amazing person because of this amazing woman.  That is something I count myself very blessed to get to experience. I am so glad to have Meggy in my life!

The roommate and I were discussing is the fact that there were so many people who stood up and spoke about her. These people had known her and her children their whole lives.  He said to me "Can you imagine being there throughout our whole lives? Through weddings and having babies and all that stuff?" I responded "Do you have any doubt that we will be there to stand up at one or the other's funeral to tell stories like that?" We both sat and thought about it in amazement.  I pray that when I die, there is a bunch of people to stand up at the podium and speak with love about knowing me, and tell stories of our youth together, and reassure my children that they were deeply loved.

Since last night, I have found myself thinking about this a lot.  It reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain:

"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

Jodi certainly did.  If someone like me, who had never met her, can feel such loss at having her taken from the world-I'd certainly call that a successful life.  I want to live like that, and can only strive to follow in those footsteps.

Thank you Jodi, for being the amazing woman you were and touching so many lives, even those of us who never knew you. Also, thank you for raising such an amazing friend for me, I don't know what I'd do without her.  You will be missed.

And for all of you friends and bloggy buddies; I am truly grateful for you all.  Jodi taught me that every single relationship counts for something, in face-to-face life or online, and her memory reminds me that I need to tell you more often. You are all such a blessing to me!

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad

25 years today!

What do you have to show for it?

You've raised 4 beautiful children.

There has been...

Almost 24 years of raising one crazy & independent daughter.

She speaks her mind, takes care of herself, and works hard.

(That's me folks!)

Just about 22 years of raising of raising a son.

He's intelligent, hard working, and has good taste in women! ;)

Nearly 20 Years with a bubbly daughter.

You've made her sweet, kind, and affectionate.

13 1/2 years with a rambunctious boy.

He's grown to be talented, loving, and a great little friend.

You have gained

A beautiful daughter-in-law that fits right in with the family

...a son-in-law who makes your baby girl happy...

And so many memories along the way!

I love you so much mom & dad, and I'm so glad that when dad tried to take you home as a gift for his best friend Floyd, that he ended up falling for you instead!  We had our ups and downs growing up, mostly due to being too alike or me being a teenager, but I will be eternally grateful that you raised me and ingrained in me the strong moral compass and work ethic that I have.  You taught me to love, to learn, and to constantly try to improve myself.  THANK YOU for everything you've done!

R.I.P Bill

I just learned that an old coworker of mine, Bill Phillips, passed away on Friday due to complications with Cancer and Pneumonia. I just wanted to pay a small tribute to him in my blog here, because for the two years I worked with him (and even after) I held him in the highest respect. I love that guy, he always brightened my day with his cantankerous nature and jokes, and I was always glad to sit and chat with him on a slow day.

I'll update this post when I know when the funeral is, and with a picture when I get home.

R.I.P Bill, you were such an awesome person, and you will be missed.