It's funny how fast things can change. Sometimes I'm left spinning so quickly that I wonder why I even bother to get excited anymore. I mean it was just last week's Musical Mondays post where I wrote about how excited I was to see where things were going with this new guy I've been seeing, and then it ended. On Tuesday. The very next day.
This guy and I had been seeing each other for only a few weeks, talking longer than that, but we had just clicked so well. Everything was easy, comfortable, and fun when we were together. He was hooked, I was hooked, and it looked like everything was primed for us to enjoy more time together for a while going forward at least. Except it wasn't. Sometimes the Universe throws a wall up on the path you're walking more suddenly than you expect-and you're left trying to decide which route to take around.
In this case the monkey wrench happens to be a giant mess involving other parties and previous feelings with a touch of guilt. Not on my part, of course, I burn bridges for this exact reason-so I don't get sucked back into messy situations like that. However, not everyone is like me, and sometimes I have to pull out my compassion and remember that everyone experiences and handles things differently.
All I know is that this mess really has nothing to do with me. I was an unexpected bystander in the whole thing, but I want no part of it. I mean, I want him-I want him quite a bit, but at this current point in the process I can't have him. He's entangled in a whole pile of baggage that he has to sort out for himself before he can invite another person to share any of his time.
We've talked it out quite a bit to determine where we stand. He honestly has no idea where he stands. So that leaves me having to make a choice on my position. I'm open to us giving this another shot if he can get it together and make a decision that moves him back in that direction, but I can't wait for it. I will not be that girl who is waiting around hoping the guy decides he wants her and comes back.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, I'm disappointed and thoroughly bummed about the whole thing because I really did want more time to see where this goes. However, I told myself I could have through Monday to grieve it, and today I'm picking myself up by the bra straps and moving forward. I have to live my life as if it's over, so I'm not hoping or waiting for something that may never happen, but that doesn't mean I can't reopen the door in the future if the opportunity arises.
So if he comes around again-and I'm still unattached and feeling it-then I will take the chain from off the door.
This week's song:
The Chain
by Ingrid Michaelson
The sky looks pissed, the wind talks back
My bones are shifting in my skin, and you my love are gone
My room feels wrong, the bed wont fit
I can not seem to operate, and you my love are gone
So glide away on soapy heels and promise not to promise anymore
And if you come around again, then I will take, then I will take the chain from off the door
I'll never say that I'll never love
Oh but I don't say a lot of things, and you my love are gone
So glide away on soapy heels and promise not to promise anymore
And if you come around again, then I will take, then I will take the chain from off the door
(Repeat in round)
And if you come around again
Then I will take, then I will take, then I will take
The chain from off the door
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I'm really sorry to hear about the ending of your relationship. That is never easy, but I want to commend you on your positive side of it. It sounds like you've taken a very mature route in handling it! The guy you're supposed to be with will be so lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteI love your statement of "burning bridges" Relationships are way too messy and sometimes you've got to be smart enough just to walk away from it. Best of luck in healing and moving on!
ReplyDeleteSorry it did not work out for you, you sound like a gal with a lot to offer. The positive..you are still young and take allll the time you nee..Date LOTS!! I did not do that and now in middle age having lots of regrets and wanting to make changes! The Best to you and good for you for your great attitude!
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. I'm so proud of you though. Not being a his doormat and waiting around for him to come back to you and what not. I'm not very good at that to be honest. Actually, I'm downright awful at it. I'll wait forever. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating but I'm just bad at moving on and saying goodbye goodbye. Like I'll say goodbye, but it's not actually goodbye. xD My friends keep me on track though. I wish I were as strong as you and could burn down bridges and walk away.
ReplyDeleteYou are taking such a healthy approach. I admire you so much. You recognize it stings and trying to push forward. You my dear are a strong and beautiful woman. I have never heard this song before. The lyrics are very touching.
ReplyDeleteLOVE love love The Chain! It was one of my go-to songs during a similarly rough situation. What a gorgeous song! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your breakup. Relationships can be hard at the best of times, but starting off in a quagmire like this would have made it terribly difficult to manage a healthy relationship. But that doesn't mean it doesn't suck to lose the relationship when it wasn't your fault and that you aren't hurting. Hopefully something better is waiting right around the corner.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure yet! I need to do some healthy type recipes since I need to get into shape. :)
ReplyDeleteYes! It totally did. My reading is a bit slow going this month. I'm reading The Diviners right now and it's a long one and I only manage a few pages here and there with everything else-but it's a good book so I keep going back to it!
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you so much Kristen, you are so sweet!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm trying to be all grown up and stuff. Being a grown up is hard. lol
ReplyDeleteI agree! I saw a quote that said "Sometimes you have to burn a bridge so you wont cross it again" and it's so true!
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you Valerie! You are very sweet-and I definitely know I need to get out there and date a lot but I loathe it so. lol
ReplyDeleteI've been pretty bad about that in the past. If I want something, I go and get it, and sometimes that means I spend way too much time trying to get it, even if it's not something I will be able to get. This is me trying to take a different path this time. *hugs* We're all in this together!
ReplyDeleteI hope so, because I feel like I'm running in place on this whole dating thing.
ReplyDeleteThank you! You are such a great friend Jolene!
ReplyDeleteI love this song, but I love most of hers.
I love this song-Ingrid is just so awesome. And thanks! I'm doing okay. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Adrian! It's only kind of a breakup, I mean we weren't actually dating and I still think he's a terrific person. But you're right, it's better to wait for something healthy.
ReplyDeleteYes it does suck and it sucks more when you think all is going well
ReplyDeleteSo true! :(
ReplyDeleteI need to work on my monthly goals. I feel like the last 3 months my blog has been on the back burner and life has been crazy!
ReplyDeleteone my goals is to apply to at ten jobs in the area I'm moving to in August.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you list your monthly goals! I think I need to do this.
ReplyDeleteThank you! The goals linky for July will go live this Thursday if you want to join us. :)
ReplyDelete