The course of a year can be both a very long and very short time.
When you first start off looking down the barrel of an entire year, dedicating yourself to that vast amount of time-it can seem like the finish line is nearly impossible to reach. Yet once you're there and looking back on it, it's but the blink of an eye.
I took a year off of dating. An entire year where I swore I wasn't going to date, I wasn't going to have sex, and instead take the time to focus on me. The year started as an escape; it started as running away from the frustration and heartache that had been imposed on me from previous attempts at love. Even though I knew I was hiding from the emotions and the self-inflicted pain of investing my heart where it didn't belong-I just kept telling myself I was doing this to heal and just be me.
Without even knowing it, this year transformed into exactly what I was trying to convince myself of.
Somewhere in the last few months my closest friends started "calling me out" on the fact that I had been telling myself lies and hiding from the world. Though I met each situation with some amount of denial-their words begin to sink in. It then took an apology for feeling bitter and some tears, but the weight of all those previous misgivings started to fall away. I was released.
Suddenly I returned home with the desire to put myself out there again. I was craving the human interaction I had denied myself for the last 365 days and I was going after it with zeal; no matter how scary or daunting the task may be.
However this time, it will be entirely different. No more disrespecting myself, no more selling myself short or settling for less than I deserve. This time I'm in it for something real and meaningful, and I will get what I set out for because I'm dedicated and because I love myself.
I love myself. It has taken me a year to finally realize that no matter what I look like, which job I go to every day, what clothes I wear, who I'm friends with, where I live-or how many pounds I lose; I love myself enough to stop settling and start striving for more. Loving myself means I am going to find someone who truly loves me too, just as much or more!
This is all made possible because, the course of a year can be both a very long and very short time.
Good for you!! Good luck:)
ReplyDeleteI really like this post. I wrote something similar yesterday along the lines of in between hopes and dreams is this thing called life that will always be evolving. Life is what happens and how we get from a-b doesn't matter but heading in the right direction does. Ok, I was specifically talking about something else but it all applies in the big scheme of things. Great post.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve the best - you'll find it!
ReplyDeletewhat a positive post. you should be super proud of yourself!
ReplyDeletethis inspired me beyond belief. i hope i turn out like you :) thanks for posting this, i needed it so much
ReplyDeleteWow. This is a great, powerful post that is very well written. YOU putting YOURSELF first is a must! Good for you. You will find that person. Keep looking. GOOD LUCK!
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday!
What a great post. Now get out there and date!
ReplyDeleteYes yes yes! That is exactly what I hope to achieve/feel, once I'm prepared to start dating again. It's not about denying yourself pleasure, it's about not settling for less than you deserve....and hell, enjoying the ride as you go! It's taking a lot of effort to keep this in mind, for me, but it's also not about finding the One, it's about enjoying yourself on a date, and letting someone else make you laugh, buy you dinner, make the plans, and be creative with you. :)
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you that you've opened this new door, this new chapter, into a part of your life and destiny and heart.
GOOD ON YOU!!!
ReplyDeletei've put myself through so much crap, romantically speaking. it makes ALL the difference in the world when we stop compromising, when we know ourselves, and most importantly of course, when we love ourselves.