My So-Called Chaos

8.23.2011

Honestly, I Went on a Date.

Yes, I did have a date last night,

and yes, it was the first date I've had in over a year.

You'd be surprised how many people seemed more excited than I was.

Was I that pathetic?

Wait, don't answer that.

Moving on...

So I met this guy online and we've been texting non stop for over a week.

Then we met for coffee and chatted there until they closed.

Then we moved over to a bar down the street and chatted over beer.

I've adopted this "no bullshit" policy.

No pretending. No showing only the good stuff.

Basically "This is me-deal with it."

He seemed to respond well to that.

He was attractive, intelligent, and funny.

He was very respectful and responsible.

He also thought I was very cute.

Now everyone wants to know how it went but they seem unsatisfied with my answer.

It wasn't instantly electric-but it's not that I didn't like him.

It was just beautifully easy and comfortable.
Maybe that's part of me being an adult.

This calm is new for me.

I'm used to feeling something, anything, intensely.

I'm thinking this new feeling is a good thing.

Seeing as those intense feelings have gotten me into trouble before.
Shouldn't this be easy and free instead of complicated?

He's someone I could grow to care for quite a bit.

You know, love comes softly and all of that.
I really enjoyed my time with him.
I still get all grinny when he texts me.

We'll see where it goes.

As for now, we have another date for dinner Wednesday. :)

8.22.2011

I Hope That You See Right Through My Walls...

Thos week's song:

Arms

by Christina Perri

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart

But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me

and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?

I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me 'cuz I'm already falling

I'll never let our love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved

I never want to leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me

and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me 'cuz I'm already falling

I'll never let our love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home.

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth

and I never opened up I've never truly loved

til you put your arms around me

and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me, cuz I'm already falling

I'll never let our love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home.

You put your arms around me and I'm home.

***

I have my date tonight. It's my first date in over a year, and the first date I've been excited for in over 2 years. I'm soooo nervous, for so many reasons. We've been texting for over a week, pretty much non-stop and are starting to really enjoy getting to know each other. He seems intelligent, down to earth, responsible, kind-hearted, and an overall good guy. But what if we meet and don't end up hitting it off? If that's the case-I'm going to actually miss all of this texting. It's been something so fun that I have looked forward to each day.

I do have to admit, I'm more excited than nervous-though these knots in my stomach might convince one otherwise...

I love this song though. I feel it will be applicable, at least for the first part of any relationship I end up in. She's got a beautiful voice, and I connect with the song on so many levels. These walls aren't going to hold me back though. I'm ready to be out there finding something new and throwing myself back into love. This time with a new level of self respect, and a new understanding of what is healthy and what is not.

Wish me luck!

What song are you connecting with this week?

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