More Random Thoughts Today

It's 11:52pm MST, and I need to post something today.

It'll just have to be another post filled with random lines.

Not everything has to add up.

Right?

It seems like nothing is adding up in my brain lately anyway.

Besides... It could be a little phase, these random lines.

All adding up to a bigger picture.

I'm leaving them all unedited too.

Kind of raw.

Each thought goes straight through my fingers and onto the blog.

No filter, no fluff, no making the words prettier.

What do you think?

Work is currently frustrating.

Other than a few of my coworkers, I love them.

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for this other job.

Shhhhhhhhhh....

I'm as good as hired someone there said.

He also said I have his word on it.

AND he can't wait to work with me.

I.

Am.

So.

Excited.

Hopeful too.

I really hope it all works out.

How can people hurt little children?

Especially their own child?

That four year old that was missing was murdered by his stepdad.

While his own mother watched and did nothing.

I can't even fathom it.

The world is a horribly messed up place.

It makes my heart hurt.

I used to think myself incapable of hate.

Tom told me that meant I was also incapable of really loving.

I have to give him this... It makes sense now.

I let myself hate him.

Hating him opened me up to hating more people

I hate Tom.

I hate Amber.

I hate [womanizer]. (More though, I feel very sorry for him)

I hate this girl in my class who can't keep her mouth shut.

But Tom was right about one thing.

Allowing myself to feel an emotion as strong as hate helps the love.

The people I love, I love much more fiercely now.

I love them so much in fact, it makes my heart hurt.

It feels like it'll burst.

A million tiny pieces flying everywhere.

Drenched with the love I feel for my friends and family.

And all of you.

Talked to my roommate about relationships.

They're so messy.

I'm such a cynic when it comes to love lately.

Kristina is proud that I'm a love pessimist.

She said "Optimist Angie got her heart broken a lot."

I said "But Optimist Angie got laid too."

We both laughed.

Truth is, I have chosen to be celibate.

Going on 6 months now, with no sex and no dating.

I think I'm ready to start dating again.

But not sex.

How weird is that coming from me?

I think I'm afraid of sex.

I think I still feel a little broken.

I feel so fragile.

Like a vase held together with Scotch tape.

Having sex might just shatter me.

The Pothead and [womanizer] broke me.

Correction: I let them break me.

I am piecing myself back together now.

Stronger than ever.

But it takes time.

Besides, I want to be loved for me.

If the guy is right, he'll wait for sex to be right,

Right?

I figure it'll feel right again when it actually is right.

It'll all start falling into place when I meet the right person.

Someone who doesn't want to take a hammer to this vase.

Someone who will cherish it.

And maybe put flowers in it.

Flowers never hurt...

(Pic from Photobucket)

Random Thoughts From Today

I am suffering from an acute case of blogger's guilt. 

It hit just now as I tried to go to bed that I hadn't posted anything today.

AND, I haven't gone and commented on blogs today.

So here's my post, and I promise I'll be around to comment and read up on you all soon! 

Please prepare yourself for a random/jumbled accounting of my day.

I'm so tired.

Interviewed at my old job today.

Rushed there very very quickly to make it on time.

I think the interview went really well.

I really really really hope I get it.

I am a legend there.

I was called "THE Angie" today.

I was also called "The most-renowned Angie" by the guy interviewing me.

That's really good.

I have to thank D for giving me that opportunity.

He's a great guy with an awesome family.

I hope to find someone that awesome to have a family with someday.

I saw a few old friends at work.

An old manager who said my bubbly nature would be welcomed back.

He said my laugh is great to hear in the office again.

A coworker who recognized me.

The Sales Manager recognized me.

He remembered so many good things about me.

I was an awesome employee.

I told them they wouldn't regret hiring me back.
They won't.

Another coworker.

I'd almost forgotten I'd had a crush on him back in the day.

There were actually a few of us who did.

But one is gay, and this coworker is not.

He doesn't count.

Bad memories about another...

I still think he's cute.

I told him.

He's feeling a bit down on himself.

He shouldn't.

Yep, this is the beginning of this girl reminding herself to take distance.

I play with fire way too much.

I like to tempt fate, and get my emotions involved in dangerous situations.

What can I say?

I'm a lost cause.

Bought my grandparent's ice cream and visited.

I love them so very much.

Even though they're different after his stroke and her brain surgery.

It's hard to see my once strong grandmother weak like that.

I still love her more than anything.

Drove the long drive home thinking about the day's encounters.

Texted David to tell him that coworker was still cute.

He said "Awwe" in return.

First time in a long time that I've felt that old familiar "crushin'".

It was good for a minute.

Just for a minute.

Until I reminded myself not to without just reason.

Silly me with my silly attractions.

I'm worried about my friend and his heartbreak.

I love him so, and this would be the first time if it happens.

Nothing in me ever wanted him to have to experience this.

I want only happiness for those I love.

Can I give up my happiness for them?

Why not? 

I'm not using it right now...

It's time for bed...

I feel pretty melancholy right now.

*Sigh*

(Photo Found on PhotoBucket)

"I'm Sure Your Weener Is Just Fine"

***Before you read on, you should be aware that this post is going to be talking about penis.  If you're offended by that,  or you're the "weak of heart" type, might wanna skip it!  Loves!***

This was a conversation that took place the other day when Kri and her two kids were driving with me.  Now, to preface said conversation, her 2 year old son is not circumsized-which is something non of us have dealt with in the past.

I was driving her car, she was in the front seat, and the two little ones were in the back.

Kri: The other day Kaden was taking a bath, and he got to "exploring" and all of the sudden I hear "Mommy my weener is purple!"  So I went to go check, and sure enough he'd pulled it back and it was purple underneath... Do you think that is normal?

Me: (Stunned) Um... I don't know... Kaden's the first baby I've ever seen that wasn't circumsized.

Kri: But you slept with *uncircumsized mutual friend*, was his purple?

(By this time I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath)

Me: (Still laughing uncontrollably) It um... Looked like a normal penis... Why would you ask me about *uncircumsized mutual friend*?

Kri:  I can't very well ask him.  That would be awkward. 'Hey *uncircumsized male friend* is your penis purple?

Me: Well... I know that the unsheathed part of a dog's penis is purple... (Kristina stops laughing momentarily and looks shocked) What?  I'm pretty sure it is!  It's probably normal... If it's never seen the light of day before...

(We're both dying of laughter by this point...)

Kri: (Realizing that she may be scarring her son because we're laughing so hard at this point) It's ok Kaden!  I'm sure your weener is just fine!

Kaden: (With all the courage of any natural-born man) Oh it is!

Isn't that funny?

His response was so cocky, it was HILARIOUS!